Twinings advertises "over 300 years of expertise." If you are a tea company I don't think you want to admit you were doing business in the 1700s

This is pretty much an actual thumbnail I saw

Very inspired by the Democrats' bold new proposal: ICE for Those Who Don't Want It

democrats will now sieze this moment to run surreptitious damage control on behalf of the regime, plead for bipartisanship and moving forward as americans together, unified, and triangulate us into a position that's just to the right of where we were the day before Renee Good was executed

Greg Bovino always looks like he just remembered he's done growing

I'm following an apple pie recipe by Carl Sagan, and it starts with the entire history of the universe?? It's like get to the point, man

If you were laying siege to a castle and your petard went off and hoisted you, you knew the bards would be singing about that at the tavern for months

Scorpion consoling Sub-Zero over a breakup: GET OVER HER!

Look at my son, dawg, pride is not the word I'm looking for 😫🤯🤣

🎵 Mah balls 'r blue, but mah dick is reddddd 🎵 — the Edger's Anthem

16th-Century Catholic learning about the American civil rights movement: "Martin Luther WHAT"

Oh, Maduro is a dictator? Name three of his dictations.

I'm reading Shock Doctrine right now, and it feels like Jumanji where all the stuff starts happening in real life

What was this type of humor? It was everywhere. I'm glad it's over, hopefully

If I ever have a YouTube channel where a little animated avatar of myself talks about video games and does Dreamworks face, with titles like "The [Adjective] [Noun] of [Media Property]" or "I Forced Myself to Play [Video Game] in [Current Year]," please just shoot me

I have a little rain cloud that follows me everywhere because I am depressed. You have a little dirt cloud that follows you everywhere because you are stinky. We are not the same

Has anyone done this? #mgsv

Picasso, if he were a chef: "This dish is called Guernica" Patron: "Oh, wow, it tastes really bad" Picasso: "Yes, it was a tragedy 😔"

Google ai recommends this pizza place's lunch buffet, despite it not having one. Very helpful!

Until one of these AI assistants can show me Tayne, they're just novelties, as far as I'm concerned

Landman, if I had to guess, is about a guy who is totally flat and one acre wide, and each episode is about the different people who step on him or use him for recreation, agriculture, etc.

If Blue's Clues were made today it would be called woke because Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper are a mixed-spice family

If a gacha game doesn't have twenty different in-game currencies you can count me out. I wanna be mad that I have ten trillion "dust" and can't exchange it for a single "gem"

If I'd written a paper at like a 4th-grade level in college and even one person found out, I probably would have killed myself

They have 15,246,155,561,685 books about anxiety and only 61,699 books about cancer? Really shows you where their priorities are 🙄

And yet it was Granin's Metal Gear concept that ultimately prevailed over the more utilitarian Shagohod design

Explaining to the medieval peasant that I'm from the future: "It's like in SpongeBob when Squidward has the time machine"

Skinamarink prefigured the "which bed are you napping in the hardest" tik tok genre, with the uncanny rooms and a tv that's always playing Tom & Jerry

I do think it's plausible that a total fucking dipshit would accidentally get a Nazi tattoo, but I wouldn't vote for a guy like that either

The guy who wrote The Time Machine (2002) was a real time traveler who was trying to warn us about the Eloi and Morlocks. That's why it has all that stuff that wasn't in the book

"Yeah, so then I was chasing this child, and I tripped and scraped my face on the pavement for a full second. Yes, one thousand milliseconds"

What the fuck even is the point of a sexual chatbot? "Computer, tell me about your boobs." Yeah, no thanks

Gonna write a Hunger Games fanfic that's a one-to-one retelling except Katniss eats everyone she kills

Always on the lookout for this guy

Geologist, looking at basalt: "The lava is floor!"

Hard at work on a project that will disrupt Hollywood and the film industry writ large: a version of Tilly Norwood with 15% bigger boobs

An AI actor I invented. If you want to put him in your movie you have to pay me $1 million #donotsteal

Rivian has gotta be the car company that sounds the most like a sex toy

This is why we fund scientists to study things like oyster slobber even if you don’t think it sounds important

Gonna raise my kids in a Dogtooth-style scenario where there's no Pokémon games after Gen III

So sad to see

Saw the Magavan the other night. What a specimen!

Getting into hip hop recently... 🎵You can Venmo this / or you can Venmo that / you can Venmo this / or you can Venmo that 🎵

Mfw the path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run

guys, we have a tone shift

"This is the excuse they'll use to _____!!!" An anchor on the largest news network in the country was calling for mass "involuntary lethal injection" of mentally ill people *this morning* If Kirk getting shot is the reason you're just now taking this seriously, that says a lot about you.

These are the people who raised over a million dollars for Kyle Rittenhouses legal defense, legalized running over protestors, encouraged bathroom vigilantes, demand that children get genital inspections to participate in sports, and kill pregnant women, I don't want to hear about political violence

A fella can't even devote his entire life to making the world a worse place without getting shot in the neck these days...

I sincerely hope Newsom's weird fans and liberals at large are starting to understand why you can't budge a single solitary inch on a single solitary issue for a single solitary marginalized group.