If there's so much money being made through Internet fraud, why do the hackers they always use to illustrate articles about it always have their hoods up? You'd have though if anyone could afford to put the heating on they could.

I love how at some point we all collectively and silently decided that the thing to say about someone who's just become famous for being a massive wanker is no longer "they'll be on Celebrity Big Brother next year" but "they'll have their own show on GB News soon".

Been a good year for inventive horror movies and I'm seeing some great lists, but not enough love for Good Boy or The Shrouds, both of which were amazing.

Goodbye 2025. Hope the door causes you serious intestinal damage when it hits your fucking ass. You cunt.

Best gig of the year was Swans, no contest. Twice. Which I could have seen all three London nights, but, y'know, money.

Top 5 albums of 2025 (no particular order)- I didn't listen to a ton of new music this year. Swans- Birthing Conan- Violence Dimension Woodkid- For Death Stranding 2 Piotr Emade Waglewski- Projekt UFO soundtrack and obviously Foetus- Halt.

Fuck. I hate this cunt but "then I'll still have half a pint" wasn't a bad riposte. #TheArchers

KILL HIM ED ALL THE LISTENERS WILL TESTIFY THAT HE WAS AT OUR HOUSE PLAYING MARIO KART seriously you're good on this one. #TheArchers

Not usually a resolutions guy, but absolutely doing this one- in 2026 I will figure out at exactly what time you should start watching The Baader-Meinhof Complex on New Year's Eve 2026 so you get "as Mao said, and we all know the text" at midnight.

Apparently "two-tier justice" is when Britain jails a British citizen for breaking a British law in Britain but doesn't jail a then-Egyptian citizen for doing something in Egypt that wasn't even a crime in Britain at the time he did it. Glad I finally figured it out.

This has been a great year for people who love being angry

The idea that "if you're being attacked by both sides you must be doing something right" is a particularly pernicious one, because it excludes the possibility that you might actually just be a bit shit. This is a post about Keir Starmer.

Economists warned us about this, but we didn't listen.

Something something anti-Fascist Gainsbourg parody something something "Initials 88" something something send.

and tiny tim, who did NOT die and is still at large

Marvellous, moving and wise column by @martinsandbu.ft.com:

RIP to Brigitte Bardot, sixth best singer to collaborate with Serge Gainsbourg, but definitely the one most convicted for repeatedly inciting racial hatred.

I'd say 80 percent of horror movies currently fall into one of two categories, which can be identified in the first five minutes- "I hate these guys, this is gonna be fun" and "I really like these guys, this is gonna be traumatic as fuck".

Wow. Bring Her Back goes HARD. Was a bit scared to watch it in case it didn't live up to Talk To Me, but yeah, it really does. And in both cases it's such a great new idea. Not many of those in horror these days.

Attention spans are getting shorter due to social media. Movies are getting longer. THE SAME PEOPLE OWN THESE THINGS. Why is everyone surprised when their movie doesn't make the same bank?

Millennium rules. Like, season 1 does iirc very quickly descend into Serial Killer Of The Week, but hey, Lance Henriksen, but season 2 is MENTAL and leads up to (well, spoilers) because they knew there'd be no season three... And then there was a season 3 and... it's complicated.

Millennium walked so Hannibal and Mindhunter could do parkour.

My life now is a constant battle against the urge to watch Twin Peaks: The Return AGAIN. Thinking a long-awaited Millennium rewatch might be the methadone in this scenario.

"The Expert Ham Sniffer Of Spain" should be a Brian Eno track.

I’ve been rereading Hellboy from the beginning and the bit where sometimes he’s referred to as “Mr. Boy” SENDS me every time.

If you know me in real life I recommend avoiding me for a bit because I WILL bore the shit out of you about the new Foetus album.

Godspeed to anyone out sabbing today.

Nothing quite like the feeling of opening the fridge on Boxing Day and going "fuck me, that's a substantial quantity of cheese".

Having pie for breakfast. Fuck it, there are no rules in the Taint.

We have entered the Festive Taint.

Today is Boxing Day, so it's time to meditate on Jake Paul and Andrew Taint getting the shit kicked out of them and laugh your fucking ass off.

This year has been a cavalcade of cuntery for me, but I had such a lovely day yesterday that I don't even resent this MASSIVE wanker of a hangover.

A merry Christmas and a Happy New Foetus Album Day.

Yeah, Midnight Of The Century is an absolute BANGER of a Christmas episode. Think I might have to do a full Millennium rewatch very soon. What an absolutely kick-ass wonderful show that was.

Aw man, I've watched The Junky's Christmas every year on Christmas Eve for so long I used to have it on VHS. But enshittification hits everything. There's a fucking ad break on YouTube before we get to see Uncle Bill having Christmas dinner with all his friends.

This Christmas I decided to break with tradition, and it didn't go well. Usually I don't wrap any presents until shitfaced, and then it's funny (to me) what an mess they are. I decided to do them earlier. If anything, they're worse. Turns out I'm actually just shit at it.

Increasingly uncommon BBC win, they just did a JKR joke on Julian Clary's Christmas show on Radio 4.

There's a kid in the pub with a swanee whistle. I should be massively annoyed because it's irritating as fuck, but just the idea of taking a swanee whistle to the pub is so awesome I'm actually loving it.

Not trying to figure out my best albums of 2025 because the new Foetus drops tomorrow and might change things.

Trying to open a page and I just got a black screen where the Capcha should have been. I can't see where to click. ...am I actually a robot?

They should let Luigi out over Christmas so he can dress as a ghost and convince some billionaires to change their wicked ways.

The Venn diagram of people who hate halal slaughter specifically, love fox hunting and lie about their concern for animal rights is one fucking massive circle with a big ol' spurting dick drawn in the middle of it.

The confusion and conflation of ‘generative ai that is built on stolen artwork’ and ‘machine learning, character behaviour modelling and proc gen’ is intentional on the part of the grifters peddling the former. They benefit from murkiness of classification, because the latter predates their bollocks

Forget Elf on the Shelf, here we have ….

If the shit coming out of the unredacted Epstein files is true, this is the moment of truth. Because if it DOESN'T destroy Trump, then we're all fucked and need to plan accordingly.

All the NPCs in Death Stranding 2 are wearing Santa hats. And there's one you can wear yourself. AND all the welcome holograms at the shelters have Christmas trees!

All the NPCs in Death Stranding 2 are wearing Santa hats. And there's one you can wear yourself. AND all the welcome holograms at the shelters have Christmas trees!

Funny thing about MAGA is it's essentially the evolution of your Weavers and Koreshes, and while neither of those guys were in any way good people, what they definitely weren't was bootlickers. Libertarianism becomes Fascism so easily.

I've always liked wrestling but not boxing because the theatricality appeals more than people deliberately hurting each other, but ironically this is also the reason why seeing Jake lose is way better than seeing Logan lose.

"The sky above the port was the colour of television tuned to a report on the Epstein files".