Miller is just doing Cobra Commander plots now. Like, at this point, being enslaved by Sasquatches with robot arms is within the realm of possibility. AND AS COOL AS THAT SOUNDS, this dude is clearly nuts.

You definitely want a veterinarian that seems bored and detached. A vet that’s too happy is about to tell you how expensive the fix for your animal will be. A vet that’s too sad is gonna tell you how spending money won’t help. A bored veterinarian? Your pet is gonna be fine and so will your wallet.

I tried the Dr Pepper Zero Cherry 🍒 Cola flavor. It seemed well regarded on the World Wide Web. It tastes exactly like Dr Pepper.

All the shit I wanna say is illegal.

Audio cassette answering machines. I wish to be reachable but, indirectly and with physical limitations.

This remains the single best “wall o’ text” ever conveyed by photons.

Pressure washing videos offer an emotional catharsis I wasn’t expecting.

You think the person that coined “Taco Tuesday” ever sits and wrestles with the immensity of their powers?

My father in-law flies in tomorrow for a two week stay. I am currently trying to decide how likely a nuclear war is and, if there is a thermonuclear conflagration, will that affect air travel? This is the most 1980s shit since the 1980s.

You think those astronauts ever turn everything off and fly silently in the black, contemplating all of the other pinpricks of life in the void?

If you see this, I implore you to post a picture from whatever device you're using with no explanation.

Moon. Moon. Moon. Moon. *tabletop pounding intensifies*

Today is a fantastic day for people watching. What they consider funny, what’s off limits or in bad taste. The full gamut is on display and watching people reveal a bit of themselves is interesting and a great chance to learn about people.

Star Trek was built on the idea that humanity would grow out of being small-minded evil pricks. It was here that Star Trek took its largest and most unrealistic leap into science fiction. Some would say it overshot entirely and landed squarely in fantasy. Just a thought while looking around.

At what height does a guillotine become comical? I mean where the blade sits before it drops. Is it funny at two stories, three? Surely at four stories it looks ridiculous as opposed to deadly. Anyway, just thinking about guillotines.

Picard management tip: Data is easier to manage than humans.

I think most people have never smelled, nor eaten, fresh bread. I mean just out of the oven, still steaming, fresh. I also believe we are at the point where exposing them now could lead to widespread societal collapse. I think we are post-fresh bread. Now begins the Old Bread Interregnum.

I am now crying at Def Leppard on a Saturday years old. Which, as I’m sure you know, is not an insignificant number. At least I’m not a Roy Orbison. Those poor, incontinent fucks. There’s old and then there’s those Methuselahs.

Alot of dudes at one point or another need to be told that a relationship with a stripper isn’t real. Dudes know how hard it is to have that talk with another dude. Now dudes gotta learn to have similar conversations about software. Willingly. Welp. *walks off into the horizon.*

Lois & Clark sexual tension

Give you one guess what the great horned owl does NOT have. The image of owls raining out the sky and spearing their prey upon great horns has been ripped from me and all the people I erroneously told about 10 point owls. Being 46 really sucks.

Why does everything we do feel like it’s commanded by some drunk in a neighborhood bar in 1982?

They didn’t even have Colin Powell say some shit to Congress. Just went straight to the bullshit. These guys go to war like college dudes fuck. (I am aware Colin Powell is incapable of “saying some shit” due to temporal constraints.)

At this point, refusing to pay for YouTube to remove commercials has become a defining characteristic of my personality despite this refusal providing me exactly zero benefits. I exist entirely in a prison of my own making. I am both Montresor and Fortunato.

I don’t know man but, my theory that no one gets a swastika tattoo ironically is holding up pretty well.

Look, there is absolutely nothing happening right now that G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero didn’t cover in the 1980s.

With lips that tight you’d think you couldn’t run a credit card through em.

Shit like this didn’t happen when I lived in Heaven.

Fuckin lunkhead show starts soon. I had a dislocated thumb once that was more fuckin useful, least I wasn’t embarrassed to show it to people. I’m gonna go swallow apples till I choke and don’t have to hear the ravings of a homunculus of greasy makeup and fetid sweat pretend to be important.

If I get the diabetes, y’all will know the bastard what done it.

Lot of braying at the moon going on. Everybody wound up real tight. Everybody living between the tick and the boom, as they say.

The thing about AI is it’s as if the whole planet is in the strip club with you and fully half of them are insisting the stripper really is into them. Like, you can’t call them all idiots fast enough and loud enough to save them.

Feels like a whole buncha Watergates goin on.

Every time I open this app I can feel myself tensing up to absorb some ridiculous bullshit news like RFK Jr and Hegseth are using Navy to hunt down all remaining whales and that marines have invaded Madagascar, possibly because of the movie, no one is sure.

What was your gateway into comics? #comicsky

We finally get to be the good guys in Star Wars. That’s not nothing.

I don’t know what kinda Signal chats y’all have. My brother uses it to make me look at his dick every time he’s drunk. Zero political stuff. Just unwanted dick pics and Thanksgiving recipes.

I don’t think you can claim to be a professional in the anxiety game until you’ve had anxiety about shit that already happened and worked out great.

I’m a big fan of this. Remember to get the blood flowing. Walk the perimeter of the yard and stand silently in a corner, sucking on a piece of hard candy, or a cigarette, while staring out at the horizon.

Hey I felt something crawling on me and when I finally looked down after a few minutes it was a spider! That’s so awesome! I thought for sure it was gonna be nerve damage but it was real this time!

Does this mean Drew Carey can sell his own merch now? Cause I’d buy Drew Carey show action figures. I’d buy ALL the Mimi repaints.

Banana President

It never, ever, not once in all of everything thunk a thought.

Is phpbb an app? Can we do that again? I liked that.

I hate how you can hear people’s eyeballs just flopping around in their skulls. Just little wet meat things making all those sounds.

It’s all so quiet now. The smell of powder persists. Paper rustles against the curb when the wind blows. There’s a few bangs and thumps in the distance. Boyhood desires cast about, finding their ends in a pop and a little smoke.

Steak sauce is great. On fries.

oh the weather outside is frightful the lack of snow is not delightful the temperature's way too high we're gonna die, gonna die, gonna die

The center will not hold. It’s coming apart faster than they can grasp at it. Scary times.

Man, you gotta quit the first time they try to kill a story like this. You don’t get to quit the fifth time, or when it’s your story. You gotta sack up and walk now or you lose mountains of unrecoverable respect every single day after. Heroes and disappointments coming with the sunrise.