This is imo my best joke (reproduced here because I got banned twice from Twitter)

Sometimes you have a chart where you're pretty sure nobody else has ever had a similar one

I missed an appointment with behavioral therapist today. She didn't even message me about it, so now I'm like okay I think the only way we continue is if I own up to this? So I guess we're done forever right

I solved the daily #CluesBySam, Apr 2nd 2026 (Tricky), in 04:43 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟨🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 cluesbysam.com

what if Jet, Speedball, and Mistico heel turn as an Amero conspiracy thing

Justin Roberts' windup on that plosive for "the Bastard" getting longer every week.

ok

Artemis stream had some artifacting on the video and I deadass thought I was watching the rocket disintegrate before my eyes

Workers at Alamo Drafthouse in Sloan’s Lake in Denver to strike over QR code rollout: www.denverpost.com/2026/04/01/a... by @jessalvg.bsky.social

my reminder of this accursed date came in the form of all my puzzle games online engaging in fuckery

wow rip tiger woods 🐯😢

Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something because of your disability. You can do anything.

guy who gets bit by a radioactive great white shark and dies before his superpowers can take effect

Did Sean Moorhead die Why are y'all talking like he died

You either die a Chingy or live long enough to become cheugy.

Girl clam down

The shift in colloquialism since Marvel Heroes was officially active to its revival in present day sure makes it hit different when people are trying to farm Gem of the Kursed "Sick blessed gok, buddy"

They had to shave patches of my chest for the cardio test and now I have this big ridiculous "M" left over

Every day I like to go... carjack.

[JK Simmons voice]: I guess we learned not to do THAT again...

That sucked, bro

Bout to run on a treadmill so they can tell me what's fucked up in my body

"Lenders who originated data center loans—including the private credit facilities described in Section A—have begun pooling those loans and selling tranches to asset managers and pension funds, spreading risk well beyond the original lending institutions." www.quinnemanuel.com/the-firm/pub...

foxbaltimore.com/news/local/4... the comments on this story are a nightmare until you notice it's literally one guy doing all but one of them

pizzarrhea

long

Making a time machine specifically to intervene before Sponge records "Wax Ecstatic" with the singer mispronouncing "ecstatic" every time

I solved the daily #CluesBySam, Mar 31st 2026 (Medium), in 02:45 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟨🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 cluesbysam.com

remember when people were like "hey lil b do you want to come to our campus talk on feminism" and then he started posting children's feet

"I'm going to take a swim. I hope I don't get eaten by Jaws (1975)!"

"Boy, this sure is Rock n' Roll High School..."

bro what is going on with roman's face is he doing that face-hammering thing

Ahahahhahaa America is fucking cooked Empire of shadow puppets

I can prove nothing but I hold that the turning point for Google becoming shit was dropping "Froogle" for google dot com slash shopping.

Eat shit, baby killer.

It's very fun watching the collapse of a superpower in real time

Super hole balls 👍🍆😛👅💋❤️

You need to be following this bot

@REDACTED @REDACTED @REDACTED @BLOCKER

I solved the daily #CluesBySam, Mar 30th 2026 (Easy), in 02:02 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩 cluesbysam.com

kirk hamnet

@BLOCKER address the allegations address the allegations address the allegations

why didn't he just stand there for like 2 seconds

@BLOCKER How are you doing beautiful 😍

a skeletonized Drossel von Flugel?

shine on you crazy diamond

Piss is pretty good, thanks for asking

I'm in a discord server that uses a plugin called Friend Time that's supposed to translate times people say to your locally relevant time But it does goofy stuff like stamping when you say "just one second" so they demoted it to Acquaintance Time and finally Kronos Nemesis.

You can get a meat allergy from tick bites and it's literally called Alpha gal syndrome The Girlboss Disease

For what it’s worth a lot of the people (normies) we spoke to today in St. Paul explicitly connected what trump has done to them and Minnesota with what the administration is doing to Iranians today