It is my bedtime, and I need to brush my teeth, but there's an Ayda lying with her head and paws across my tummy.

Ayda is very good at communicating.

Stop taking pictures and rub my tummy.

My increasing suspicion is that I have pelvic congestion syndrome in addition to my endometriosis, but it is relatively manageable if we can keep my estrogen and endometriosis levels low, and the whole excess conversion nonsense is interfering with that.

I would love to have a body that lets me sit without feeling like it's trying to turn all my reproductive organs inside out.

Anybody who is like “Piracy is activism!”—trust me, supporting your local library is about 1000% more effective activism, and it’s still free for you and authors still get paid!

I'm pretty sure the entire right side of my body is fucked up because of my broken toe.

Good morning to everyone except my right hip which has refused to go back where it belongs after subluxating while I was sleeping.

I once asked a bookseller at a large indie store how many people would have to buy a book for it to get the attention of the store buyer and cause an additional order and they said: Three.

I do not understand people trying to justify book piracy when libraries exist. I know that it's not always possible to get every book from a library, but when I've not been able to buy books, I've still had plenty to read from libraries.

I currently have zero notes above an A4, but I'm actually suspicious that this is a product of my endometriosis more than it is of T because I lost all my high notes last time too.

You know that feeling when you’re disabled and you have a couple really good days where your pain and other issues recede enough that you can do a bunch of things you need and want to do? And then the feeling of dread that it will be over soon? Yeah.

Two more days until my sister's gallbladder surgery, and then maybe I can finally get a handle on my own spiralling health again. Although my mom is supposed to go on vacation for almost a month within a few days of the surgery, so maybe not 😬

I see we are playing "how many times does my tracker think I'm exercising when I'm just standing up" today.

Last night Smeagol was snuggling Ayda's favourite toy, and then today, when he wasn't snuggling with it, she took it and played with it for a bit, and then brought it back and gently places it next to him, and it was the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

"I heard you needed a yarn swift"

I won "will caffeine help or hurt" roulette today.

Ok, I actually made pretty decent strides in getting my house back to not totally overwhelming. The hard part about living in a tiny house is how fast it can look totally chaotic, but the good part is that it usually doesn't take that much time to sort out.

I was heartbroken when I had to give up my dream of commuting by transit and e-bike and buy a car, but it wasn't possible to live somewhere I could afford and not need a car. Yes, even with car costs. And where I was doing it, it was still not ideal because the infrastructure wasn't great.

I was trying to post adorable dog photos, but I think Bluesky ate my post.

I'm at the stage of flat out refusing to buy a new phone. I may eventually pick up the new colour boox Palma (or whatever is available when I finally do it) and just use my phone for actual phone stuff, but I'm done replacing smartphones.

Me looking at anything in my house that's wearing out: "Can I fix or repurpose that?" I think Smeagol's dog bed is the next thing to get repaired. Because a giant bag of stuffing is way less and way less waste than a new dog bed.

It's not just "consumer smart" it reduces environmental waste, key materials are often mined in slave conditions. The whole tenor of the article is wrong - why is the economy so dependent on us engaging in mass waste?

CN: food. I'm excited that going pescetarian again has let my body return to tolerating eggs, because they are such a nice low spoons meal. If I'm not eating meat, dairy and eggs are fine, but if I'm eating meat my body is like woah there absolutely not.

Distracting Ayda with a peanut butter Kong so I can get the sheets and bedding back on the bed without "help."

I truly hate the feeling of going from happy that I finally have a day off where my body is cooperating to complete overwhelm at just how behind I am and how much executive function it's going to take to try to prioritize so I don't try to do it all and crash.

Smeagol's ability to get stuck in a house I'm careful to make sure has few places to get stuck in is impressive. If there isn't one, he will make one.

My legs have started to get itchy, and I swear I better not be beginning to react to the compression that is keeping me from being rendered completely horizontal by pelvic pain.

“If it’s that bad, you would have help!” Help doesn’t magically arrive when you become disabled. You’re not assigned a caregiver or given more money based on severity. Many need more help than they’re getting. If you’re struggling tonight, know you’re not alone. Many of us are with you.

I'm extremely pro-vaccination, including the covid vaccination, and I will also tell you that the absolute dismissal of the medical profession around the ways it was altering the periods of people with uteruses is a fucking problem.

Ultimately we can't make enough individual choices to work our way out of corrupt systems. We have to somehow get the systems uncorrupted. Unfortunately a lot of people don't realize how far the corruption goes.

Hah! I actually made this work because I'm a pro at buddy taping eds joints 🤣

My toes are shaped so weird it's almost impossible to buddy tape them, but I have tried because this damn toe doesn't seem to be healing and there's no way to immobilize it.

I ended up getting more answers about what is currently going on with my endo and why progesterone treatment isn't working anymore through the gender clinic than any other doctors, so yeah... All of this.

yeah, I think this is it: I have grace in my heart for the people who turn to this. I have the rage of 10,000 suns in my heart for the people who monetize and exploit that desperation.

I came home today to find that blind old man Smeagol had gotten himself stuck between two pieces of furniture, and then decided to take a nap instead of stressing. I was the one who was stressing to find him there totally unmoving until I woke him up.

Finally, Magic the Gathering quit congress.

I wish this had worked for me. I've gone in with pictures of me doing impressive things on pole to show what I was doing and that I miss doing it and all the other training I was doing, and nothing. I've had to try to cobble together things on my own.

3 hrs of sleep. Dealt with a bad morning for my sister, until I finally called my mom home. Came home to eat and shower before we have to try to get her to appointments, and Ayda had puked on my bed. We may also end up at the ER after the blood draw and EKG. 2025 can stop at any time now.

I do not know what the fuck my mast cells are up to, but they can stop right now.

I do not remember my last broken toe being itchy, although I suppose my mast cells were in a much better state at that time (pre-covid)

I've been pissed off about how Spotify destroyed discoverability for a long time, but I didn't realize quite how much until tonight when I'm having a blast finding new music.

Ayda is being surprisingly chill with the lack of hour long daily walks due to my broken toe.

I had to fix the disaster I made of setting up my outdoor access point and extender to get Internet from my mom's house to mine after the wired access I was supposed to get fell through, and I am reminded that being able to program does not make me good at IT. 🤣

I forgot that I was on a Bluesky hiatus when I finished this blanket, and didn't get to show off how glorious it turned out. Pattern is Bubbly Blossoms Blanket by Stephen West.

I hate that it has become a regular occurrence that one of the first things that happens when I open my computer is me yelling "no I don't want AI you fucks."

As someone who was always praised for being small without trying who rapidly gained an amount of unexplained weight after having COVID that does not even make *sense* unless you consider that something went wrong in my body, all of this.

Read this thread up and down, and then do it again. I am not on GLP-1. But I have friends who are, and I have had to be there, hold their hands, and say, "This was never about willpower. This proves there was a MEDICAL thing wrong. It is shit you were made to feel it was only about willpower."

My other conclusion was that learning to mend clothing was probably the single most sustainable thing I could do, and that at least was wholly in my control.

My broken toe is simultaneously the most minor of things I'm dealing with right now and the most annoying.