Not that I’m against the bookstore. Of course, by all means. But god I want that bar back

Put these Bosnians out of their misery Jesus

Being told by the saleslady at the tile store “You want there to be a right and wrong answer but there aren’t right and wrong answers here.” She seems to have gotten A Bead on me, and that’s fine, this will only help our process

Sure are a lot of nerds at this brewery Disney trivia night

Haha so true, pretty soon they’ll be showing ads throughout the entire game. There’ll be like a digital banner that runs around the entire field and says MCDONALDS MCDONALDS MCDONALDS or something

Americans who complain that the games can end in draws vs. Congolese fans jumping around cheering and waving banners at the final whistle: real happy guy/sad guy bus meme stuff

Stephen King will be like “this 9-year-old girl living in 1998 has a friend named Debra” and you just have to roll with it

Walk the dog for TWO MINUTES and miss the hat trick

Have you guys noticed how calm and happy Messi looks when he’s playing soccer…that’s so nice for him for real

Saw it in the wild. Et tu Maria Shriver

As far as I'm concerned all weddings are plantation weddings

I wouldn’t go so far as to call this theft, but we could call it say…a violation of norms

First day of junior lifeguards and they read out every kid’s name and there’s a child here named Lightning. Just wanted you to know that

I don’t care for the thing where someone goes to the Chud Festival and does a thread like “Here I am at the Chud Festival! You won’t believe the dumb shit they’re getting up to!” Yes I will. I pretty much got it. Meanwhile you went and spent money at the Chud Festival

Scottish players are handsy boys aren’t they

“The last time Haiti made it to the World Cup the television show Happy Days premiered…well happy days are here again” You know it felt so good to think that one up. Jumping out of the shower and typing it into the notes app

God forbid an athlete take a wee moment for himself

Being told by my in-house advisor that Zohran is at the game because he “has ball knowledge.” That’s cute, I love that for him

Some of you guys right now, probably

Ok that’s enough scaffolding. They’re just fucking around up there now

There’s always room for one more

soccer players get so tirsty

Can check (hiding Moscow mule at YMCA watch party)

Irritable woman composes detailed email to Parks & Rec department on the subject of lifeguard allocation

My son has his AC Milan Pulisic jersey on, if anyone at this watch party tries to out-sicko him they’re gonna get… talked at

I did not come dressed for saving a toddler from drowning in this city pool but I guess that was the plan today! Now my bra is wet!! This was 45 minutes ago and my levels have not yet stabilized

Yesterday’s post-playdate debriefing revealed that my 8yo asked her friend if he “knew who Richard Nixon was” and then informed him that Richard Nixon was “really mean.” The boy said “like Donald Trump!” and then they laughed and laughed. The terrible fact is that children really are like this

Well that movie got one thing right: the only thing scarier than a room is a bunch of rooms

Taylor blameless

Spent a few minutes trying to figure out what bothers me about this poem aside from “it sucks” and I think it’s that AI as a concept isn’t doing anything here. The same criticism could be leveled against Google or the NYT cooking app. It wasn’t tho, bc he needed a peg. I don’t care for peg poems

Thought I could light-heartedly point out a grammatical error to the children’s librarians (sign above World Cup prediction activity: “Whose going to win?”)- turns out you can’t do that. Nobody likes that.

Yelling at Stephen King online…idk about that one. Me, I wouldn’t do it

Used the World Cup to hide their human rights abuses? Qatar killed their imported workers. The hosting *was* the human rights abuse. That’s why we know about it and are talking about it right now

Negotiating with my kid over a family party scheduled for the 27th because it’s at the same time as Congo vs Uzbekistan. Apparently this is a meme, but also now 100% serious required viewing. Because of the meme.

This wouldn’t work because Republicans’ voter fraud claims aren’t being made in good faith. They know they’re being ridiculous and they revel in it. The claims are part of their culture now. They’ll make them any time they lose regardless of the circumstances

EdTech is such a scourge lol. It can always get dumber, it can always get more wasteful and again, above all, dumber

Do these people realize I’m joking y/n

Getting to third base at a third place

Before iPhone, teens were hanging out at the local Youth Club. They were partaking of various no-cost community offerings with low access barriers. Before iPhone the kids were interfacing at locally-funded spaces

Godddd I love to see a Republican lose. Is there anything better

Oh Christian Eriksen we love you get up

It’s a real shame when barn wedding, Morgan Wallen first dance people don’t have Biblical ceremonies. Look, this Republican officiant can’t write and he can’t riff. He’s not articulate. This is why we have scripture. Got me missing first Corinthians, listening to this guy with his dang iPad

Fucking insane goal, usa usa and all that

Going “alone in a small, windowless hotel gym” mode, one of my favorite modes

It’s whatever that my guy didn’t make the top 2 because what I enjoy more is watching that sweet sweet vote-counting. Blue number go up. Hilton you’re toast, you limey racist

I’m in line at the airport behind a woman with A Body and those ruched ass leggings, no bra, hard nipples, the whole deal you get it. A guy walked by and said “My bills is PAID” in her direction. What’s that mean, like he’s financially stable and could support her?

There it is

Told my son and his friends they can’t yell CHOAD at the neighborhood pool and he said “is chud ok” and I said yes so they started calling each other “fucking chuds.” There’s a solution to every problem if you and your child work together

Did a full-body jerk and yelled JESUS CHRIST at last night’s Widow’s Bay jump scare and then had to listen my non-reactive husband’s disquisition on why that was actually a really masterful jump scare while my nerves were still jangling