Oh you like to watch animals huh, well I don’t mean to be pushy but you can watch me AND pet me

We did it

kinda depends who they’re pardoning doesn’t it

That’s too much gender. I like the one that says “some gender”

Browsing Amazon for candy cigarettes for book club meeting…why is my sense memory for these things so strong, how many of these chalky bad boys was I putting away

men genuinely love this

[from the lotus position] You cannot prevent students from doing the thing. You can only fill the assignment prompt with warnings spelling out the exact consequences of doing the thing.

This might be the most exciting way you can begin a chapter. If you’re saying I’m about to hitch a ride to Warwickshire with the pestilence, you’ve got yourself 1 paying customer

She’s got a great follow-up post where she’s like Actually I only asked this question? So I could receive interesting responses about astronomy? And I was inquiring re: the position of the moon vis a vis the sun, Earth, and spacecraft? But go off I guess??

doing the smoking Ben Affleck as I stand at the fridge filling morning water bottles

do you think those LEGO videos psyched him out

Days like this you wonder if you should go ahead and start class with “Hey did you guys know the president is threatening to blow up an entire country?” It would be educational probably

someone please take me up on this

There’s something sort of annoying about writing a book that’s about the Manson Family but changing names and some details and being like “it’s fiction tho so.” I need you to change some more details then because the whole time I’m trying to balance which things are real and which were changed

Fuck. idfk

My son has better “soccer IQ” than I did at his age because he plays the soccer video game while he watches soccer on TV. That’s how you build “soccer IQ”

My mom was telling me the other day about the first time she ever had rice, in a hospital cafeteria. She was like 23. She’s like “it was amazing.” I just think that’s a great story.

Reading a book whose author was turning a big dial that said “MFA” and looking back at the audience for approval. That’s a failure because I shouldn’t even have to think about the dial

once again aiming to strike that critical balance between candy and dental hygiene

manic pixie dream professor

you're human, you're allowed to just say "god damn" to that lego diss track without all the throat clearing

they call it “the evil bean”

I am on my knees begging you guys to parse tone with regards to content

Some people use their on-camera moment to advocate for social improvements. Others choose to show off the Ken Jennings t-shirt they made on CafePress and get made fun of on Twitter

Women who HAVE to have the big salad

Nobody actually wants an answer to these questions. If you answer them they’ll get mad

What is this phantom “credibility”? It’s a branch of the government. It doesn’t matter what we think. If we win this one, and we take it and we enjoy the blow to fascism and we hope it triggers a fortuitous blood clot

god I hope that wet old bitch loses tomorrow, I hope he absolutely eats shit and it poisons him, heaven hear my prayers and thank you

None of the parents tensely coaching from the sidelines at soccer camp went for a cleansing walk before pickup. I know that for sure

www.jeopardy.com/be-on-j/anyt... Looks like if you take the Jeopardy online test tomorrow you could win money just for taking it?

Feminism is a lens on the world that critiques the interplay between gender and power. It has never been and it necessarily cannot be defined as Things Self-Identified Feminists Do In Good Faith

Seeing a lot of “Toyota Camry holding its own” in the replies…pure ignorance…the RAV4 and CR-V are right there along with it. Those too are Cars

www.jeopardy.com/be-on-j/anyt... Looks like if you take the Jeopardy online test tomorrow you could win money just for taking it?

when middle-aged men “Go Full Etsy”

Lotta rage directed at the New York Times this morning but my fave is McMansionHell claiming they stole her intellectual property by drawing snarky markup lines on White House ballroom blueprints

This is crucial information. $500. Hm

“Twenty-eighth March. This afternoon to the No Kings protest rally. The vibe was inchoate. Perplexed to discover that I was the only one there in a suit.”

I appreciate when someone does one of those No Kings Protests Are For Rubes posts and quickly follows it up with “Hey just by the way I’m insane”

That’s a generous read. I find these people obnoxious. At least the 90210 kids had the decency to be TV characters while saving the Peach Pit

Easy to make fun of yeah but can I sit you guys at a desk with a stack of handwritten high school senior papers and see how long before you’re saying things like “we need to get back to basics”? Their spelling— you can’t imagine it

using the random group generator (the high schoolers HATE this) and for default names it gives you a bunch of @cheatlines.co handles

The carpool boys said “1234 I declare a thumb war, 5678 this is the hand I use to masturbate” and I said it really should be “I use this hand to masturbate” so the syllables match and they went AUUGGHH! Mom/son’s Mom!! They really think I can’t hear them when they’re directly behind me

Sick of this asshole

went into this month’s book club book blind and it turned out to be a romance about a time-traveling Victorian naval officer

if I found out my husband was congratulating himself like this online it would directly affect our sex life

yeah except the wearing-a-baseball-cap-to-eat-a-$75-steak demo is white guys

Very much enjoying “Love Trapped” the podcast about a Bachelor contestant who was victimized by a woman who faked being pregnant with his twins and here’s why

The thing where you confront a student with their own written words and ask What does this mean and they say they don’t know, after they write something it leaves their head forever…oh boy that’s something isn’t it. u guys know about this

Thought you did something here