“I’d like to publish the sheet music, Gordon.” “Get onto Hamlyn’s, Freddie. They’re doing the printed merch.” “Won’t they package it as a children’s book? The music is a bit advanced for children.” “It’s 13 bob a copy, Fred. Everybody’s got to learn somewhere.” I’m 49 and I’m struggling with it.

Trumpton, 1967, and Paul Hamlyn Limited can’t decide on how Mrs Cobbit spells her name. I’m sure Mrs Honeyman would have told them if they’d asked. (Yes, I know. They lived in different towns.)

Gavin Sutherland's fantastic composition Gairloch Variations is out today on Spotify. Give your ears a treat! open.spotify.com/track/10PWHB...

Badly-framed image of spurious printout intended to suggest something is afoot.jpg

TV in the background, 20 years ago: “We’re introducing the new Sugababe. And you are…?” “I’m deranged!” At least that’s what I thought she said. I’ve just found out she was actually called Heidi Range. Me with my finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist, there.

Capitol Background Music? Capital idea!

@cheeseford.bsky.social Help me out here. 25 years ago, you played me an LP of old Music Hall artists recorded in the 1960s. The compère introduces one act as making his first appearance since having a limb amputated. What was the album? I thought it was Late Joys on Decca, but it isn’t.

Oh dear. (NB: not a product of Fast Tunes Ltd.)

That Ludwig van Beethoven had the tiniest run-out I've ever seen. It was only 5mm from start to finish. Sweet, sweet analogue.

Pleasing results from a bit of casual vinyl abuse.

I recently spent a whopping £1.75 on a clean copy of the Sound For Industry Worthington E jingle single. I'm not going to that kind of expense without sharing the love. This is one of my favourites.

I seem to have inadvertently attracted some of the best minds when it comes to TV music. Yes, that almost certainly means you. Could you help me with a childhood memory? Bear in mind this is something I saw once, 40 years ago, so there will be some wrong details in there.

Here I am in 1982, listening to the new Tim Hart Nursery Rhymes LP. The Sennheiser headphones were presumably lent to me purely for the photograph, because I wasn’t normally allowed to touch The Big Stereo or any of its components. See also Astro Wars in its box.

Guffaw!

I have a solution that will improve Masterchef 800% in the process.

The Major grumbled darkly about the outlay involved in getting so many records pressed. “In retail, shelf space is king. Knock a sixth off the price and see if that shifts the ruddy things!” The double LP is consequently now £6 cheaper. The Major has spoken! www.ebay.co.uk/itm/40601283...

Gavin is going to be on In Tune on Radio 3 this afternoon talking to Petroc Trelawny about The Next Programme Follows Shortly. No pressure, like. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

This time last year, we were putting the finishing touches to the mix. Mandy Watsham Dunstall contributed her wonderful vocals, Janine Fenton got to play an owl, and I was told to leave the vintage U47 alone.

Thought for the night. Both eBay and Bandcamp deduct VAT from the gross total before paying its sellers. This is presumably to make their accounting less complicated. There is no VAT on postage, however. That means the Exchequer makes 25p it’s not entitled to on every CD sold. The sneaky sods.

PRICES SLASHED! Actually, Bandcamp adds the VAT on after purchase, so the prices have been adjusted to reflect that. Still, PRICES SLASHED! makes a more attractive headline. Thanks to the customer who pointed out last night that they’d paid double the tax. fasttunes.bandcamp.com/album/the-ne...

You can now buy the LP and the CD on Bandcamp as well as the download. The EP is still on eBay only because Bandcamp is a bit sniffy about physical-only releases, and we don’t have digital distribution rights for Tyne-Tees. fasttunes.bandcamp.com/album/the-ne...

SLEEVENOTES. CD buyers will be aware by now there has been a bit of a bish with the typesetting. Digital buyers should be getting a notification about now telling them the pdf booklet has changed.

The Radiophonic Shed has acquired another noisy object.

I’d like to say a personal thank you to everybody who has supported us so far. Today is something of a red letter day. After 2 years of haemorrhaging money left, right and centre, today I was able to pay a bit of my input capital back for the first time ever.

DIGITAL PEOPLE! WRAP YOUR LUGHOLES AROUND THIS LOAD OF DIGITS! fasttunes.bandcamp.com/album/the-ne...

Thank you to everybody who has bought the new album so far. I’m delighted to announce we’ve once again surpassed an actual television star in sales.

INTERNATIONAL READERS: The Major has worked out how to turn International Postage back on, swearing bitterly that it used to be on by default. BRITISH READERS: The Idents EP is now inclusive of postage. Thank you so much to all of our supporters. www.ebay.co.uk/usr/fasttune...

IT’S OUT TODAY! On hearing that we’d received several enquiries, the Major shot up from his morning drink and said “WE CAN’T AFFORD TO TURN DOWN HALF A DOZEN SALES! GET THEM ON EBAY, MAN!” With the website and downloads to follow, I’m proud to say it’s now buyable. Links in comments.

Having locked Gavin in the cupboard, The Major strode up to the podium. “I want you to play this as if you were Kent House itself facing the wrecking ball.” The Major expects to get a recording contract out of this. He has dropped subtle hints about taking out contracts of his own.

An update. A bit of necessary behind-the-scenes red tape took much longer than expected, but I’m delighted to report that that’s now all sorted and we can get the CDs manufactured.

First rule of merchandising, Spike. Get ‘em ‘ooked. (First rule of Bluesky: no videos over 50MB.)

The Major wants you to know he’s perfected the world’s first LP made out of custard! Don’t get too excited just yet. There’s paperwork and stuff to complete before we can flog them, but flog them we will.

All 25 promo videos I produced for @fasttunesltd.bsky.social 's TV themes album can now be viewed on their YouTube channel, in glorious 4K. www.youtube.com/@fasttunesli... * Picture Box * Are You Being Served * Nationwide * Left Bank Two * Doctor Who * and many more!

Happy new year, and thank you for your support. I found this years old list of things Gavin and I would have liked to record. We managed some, while others will have to wait. Somehow I don't think we're ever going to get around to Jim'll Fix It, though. Decent couple of tunes, but...

In case it got a bit lost amidst the excitement over Wallace/Who/Stacey, here's me and Ben chatting about some possibly slightly less hotly anticipated Christmas Specials of Grange Hill, The Goodies and Roland Rat - The Series... timworthington.org/2024/12/24/l...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas Eve. The Likely Lads. Gavin has cleverly arranged this so it incorporates the different versions used across the TV and radio series, and so it lasts for longer than the original 30 seconds.

Day 23. Manège, reproduced on water-filled wine glasses. It took a fortnight.

Day 22. Television. Sung by musical star Adele Dixon on 2 November 1936 for the formal opening of BBC Television. She was appearing in Over She Goes at the Saville Theatre at the time. On that day, her role on stage was taken by Gilly Flower, later to find renewed fame as Miss Tibbs in Fawlty Towers

Day 21. Following a brief spot of public paranoia that television sets could be used to look into viewers’ homes, the BBC kicked off their experimental broadcasts to Olympia in the summer of 1936 with a song cunningly titled “Here’s Looking At You.”

Day 20. How did you spend the first lockdown? I attempted to recreate the theme to Doctor Who using techniques as close as possible to those employed by the great Delia Derbyshire. A bold experiment. The secret ingredient is a 4-speed analogue tape recorder which has a usefully springy brake.

Presenting the final running order for THE NEXT PROGRAMME FOLLOWS SHORTLY by the amazing GAVIN SUTHERLAND and the majestic FAST TUNES ORCHESTRA. It’s out on 19 March 2025, 3 months from today. Possibly sooner if they don’t hang around with the paperwork. YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DESERVE IT!

Day 19. Getting this in early before my battery conks out. Grandstand. Pete says “knowing how sports rights holders can be notoriously strong on copyright infringement, I've captured the twelve sports from the 1980 opening titles via the medium of old video games.”

Day 18. What’s wrong with your local television transmitter this week?

This promo video was fun to work on. It's all stock footage, except for the opening Northern Ireland shot, which I did this summer.

Day 17. A gentle reminder that our BPI* Beige Award Winning Idents EP is still available. *Benest’s Phonographic Industry www.ebay.co.uk/itm/40528402...

Day 16. University Challenge. Boing!

Day 15. A little early. Major’s orders. Early night tonight, stocktake tomorrow under intense supervision. Sara’s Tune. A tune familiar to me despite it being before my time. Mostly from hearing it in French lessons, played back from a tape older than the people watching it.

Outside the usual purview of this group, but I thought you might like to hear a burst of Peter The Postman in Danish. Olaf Nielsen plays Brian Cant, Freddie Phillips plays the guitar. I wonder if the original Music and Effects tracks still exist?

Day 14, and it’s time once again to go Nationwide. On a Saturday? This is the final theme before Nationwide became Sixty Minutes. Hardly anybody seems to remember it nowadays.