In a pair of the most middle-class injuries imaginable, twisted a back muscle putting Christmas decorations in in-laws' loft and then exacerbated it trimming the wick on a candle.

On balance, I think this is the right week to go and live on an island somewhere for a bit.

Now into hour six of the two hour journey from Glasgow to Lancaster so obviously I'm in Blackburn and heading for Wigan.

Currently travelling through what seems to be Telegraph and Spectator columnist country.

Making what should be a short two-hour train journey to catch a ferry. Related: anyone know how to kill 90 minutes in Carlisle on a Sunday night while it stretches to eight hours, two buses and two trains?

@alicefraser.bsky.social Cannot begin to tell you how good "going to live on an island someplace" (which I'm doing tomorrow) looks right now.

Everything about 2026 so far says "go and live on an island somewhere" would be a tempting option. So fortunately I'm doing that tomorrow.

Meanwhile, in an executive suite at Parkhead, "Ted Lasso definitely pretend?" appears in a Google search bar. #CELRAN @oldfirmfacts.bsky.social

This but Chelsea. (H/T @minakimes.bsky.social)

Happy new year, everyone. For a variety of reasons it's going to be a weird one, and I hope everyone has an excellent one.

Great to see the old Breakfast Time clock getting a run-out. #Hootenanny

I met David Cameron twice before he was an MP and didn't find out I'd met him for more than 20 years.

Good morning to a week that is going to involve stopping one (brief) job, starting a new one, trains, new year, multiple visits to hospital(s), overnight ferries, moving to a different country at an address I can't pronounce and a family birthday. No, it's FINE.

I don't know why, but Briggite Bardot absolutely fits the profile of celebrities that usually pass away between Christmas and new year.

Happy "Oh that's where all the bags for life have been" day to all who celebrate.

This Christmas is already something that will be a great funny story/therapy session/Edinburgh show in about five years but right now (and I know it's his birthday) JFC. #Christmas

Discourse update: 'The Holiday' is now cancelled for featuring trace elements of Walliams (Cameron Diaz is watching 'Little Britain' when she gets to the cottage, for some reason).

Getting more devastated Walliams reaction coming in from people who worked with his books and their readers: "Thank god for that" - primary teacher "Merry Christmas! 🥳" - school librarian

Well it seems that went pretty much as expected.

Even as a lifelong connoisseur of Scottish football insults I'd never heard of this excellent one. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dundee_... (Urgent attention @oldfirmfacts.bsky.social )

Hoping tonight's fight is the start of an exciting new era for boxing, and already looking forward to Alex Jones vs Combine Harvester in Dubai next March, with Joe Rogan vs Three Tetchy Bears on the undercard.

Two new podcasts up this morning: one a look at someone who committed a series of atrocities which were the talk of the popular press and whose appalling legacy is debated to this day. The Rest is History team also continue their series on Jack the Ripper.

Latest 'annual stats' message arrives from Life360 app and JFC absolutely not OK on any level.

Two new podcasts up this morning: one a look at someone who committed a series of atrocities which were the talk of the popular press and whose appalling legacy is debated to this day. The Rest is History team also continue their series on Jack the Ripper.

Finally, Mike Johnson reaches his final form.

Reverse angle of the collapsing Statue of Liberty, including a sensational poster.

Tired: saying things like "everything's awful, I should go and live on an island somewhere next year" Wired (me, obviously): actually doing it.

UPDATE: I have now been offered a route from Glasgow which changes at Newcastle, again at Leeds and arrives three hours after I need to get there. The alternative is "the same but the day before".

Me: "Hello, I would like to book a two-hour train journey on the first weekend of the new year". UK rail network: "*cackles hysterically* We'll be needing your wallet, mother's maiden name and a kidney" Me: "But can you get me where I need to go in time?" UKRN: "lol no"

In the last three weeks I have had to produce more proofs of address, references and photo ID than I have since I got a card for Clyde Video Hire in about 1993.

Every sub-editor in Glasgow poised with 'Nancy Drew' headlines for a Celtic equaliser, no matter how dated the reference. #CELHEA

Just for the benefit of any younger viewers assuming absolutely nothing can change in the closing stages of a three-way #F1 title race.

Really excited to see the thrilling conclusion to the #F1 title race after an appeal hearing behind closed doors in a conference room in a hotel in Paris next February.

Out for a night at the theatre seeing what I assume is a musical celebration of John Lambie's 1985-86 first division championship winners. #Hamilton

Fortunately the Zenith Data Systems Cup and Tennents Sixes trophies are more likely to ever be presented again.

This has been organised by the same kind of people who think university open days need extra 'fun' parts and not just the actual information.

This could be the night that finally ousts Mick Fleetwood and Sam Fox from clip shows forever. #fifaworldcupdraw

Got to salute the absolutely incredible achievement of Gianni Infantino in making people feel nostalgic for Sepp Blatter.

If the World Cup draw tomorrow puts Scotland in Detroit this is 100% getting a traffic cone added to it next summer. (See also Philadelphia/Rocky).

Christmas song idea: rather than trying to avoid Wham, any shops play 'A Spaceman Came Travelling' and everyone in the building gets to take one item for free.

"Jury of your peers" is both a devastating insult and should be the single greatest crime deterrent.

Comedy fans, or anyone who just needs something nice to watch - all of BBC Scotland's 'City Lights' (plus a new documentary) are up on the iplayer now City Lights, Specials: Pure Dead Brilliant: www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002n5gg via @bbciplayer

@generalboles.bsky.social It's early, but I think the genie might be back in the game, responding to "I wish for all our lunatics to be corralled in the funniest way possible".

Absolutely nothing more certain than posting this 30 seconds before Flamengo take the lead.

The Copa Libertadores final is on BBC Three if you want to enjoy the drama South American flair of two Brazilian teams who have combined for zero shots on target in over an hour.

Rejoice! The golden age of incredible Rightmove photos is at hand.

In the last 48 hours I've seen a real spike in ads, paid and promoted posts across social media from Farage and Reform-adjacent accounts. Irritating, worrying, but a useful opportunity to block/report them all at once.

My preferred Indiana Jones time fact is that Indy and his dad escape from the castle in Last Crusade at exactly the same time as the Von Trapps escape from the music festival just a few miles away. Rough team meeting for the Nazi security detail that month.

"Are you f***ing KIDDING me?" - the ghost of Hugh Dalton. #Budget25

Countries qualified for World Cup play-off tournament, generously being given to Mexico rather than any of it being in the US: Bolivia, Congo DR, Iraq, Jamaica, New Caledonia, Suriname. Next summer's going to be fine. www.espn.com/soccer/story...