The Cabinet Office has blamed an "administrative error" for mistakenly sharing official papers referring to Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor. They discussed Andrew's travel plans as a trade envoy - a role that earned him the nickname "Airmiles Andy". Nectar?He claims he never met her

Ice skating duo Torvill and Dean to received a damehood and knighthood in the New Year Honours list... Now if they can just work out which one gets which.

Is texting behind the wheel of a self-driving Tesla crazy? No, you have to do something while you wait for the pick up truck.

Farage isn't in the NewYear's Honours list, but Idris is... Thus proving the King does know an arse from an Elba.

BBC NEWS: Is texting behind the wheel of a self-driving Tesla crazy? No, but it is the title of a new country single from Chappell Roan.

Met someone who has natural highlights in their hair... I thought, I 'd just dye to get those

Did you see the news story about all the old Victorian shoes that have washed up on a Welsh beach? What a lot of old cobblers!

After 31 years (officially - 41 unofficially), I will leave ITV on the 31st Dec. My last working day was Monday. I have now directed my last bulletin, and shut down the studio for the last time. Technically I retire, but in January, but I am starting an M.A. in Comedy Writing.

He saw the light.

So, they've arrived...

Is it "How to turn on Google Maps?"

The school that banned songs from KPop Demon Hunters because they are not in keeping with its "Christian ethos" has now outlawed Christmas Carols too. They have found out what "Ding, Dong Merrily On High" is really about!

What is the kids' favourite Pantomime this year? Snow White and the 6-7 Dwarves. #goldcrackersnotselected

What cereal do Demon Hunters have for breakfast? Snap, Crackle and KPop. #goldcrackersnotselected

Which type of sweet appears in both the new 'Wicked' movies? Cynthia Haribo. #goldcrackersnotselected

Why won't The Louvre be publishing an Advent Calendar this year? Someone has already opened all the windows and stolen the chocolates. #goldcrackersnotselected

Why does Columbo never win at 'Pass the Parcel'? Because there;s always "Just one more thing". #goldcrackersnotselected

Why is Scrooge never invited to any Christmas parties? Because every year he gets 'ghosted'. #goldcrackernotselected

What is Jonathan Woss's least favourite Cwistmas Cawol? O come, all ye faithful. #goldcrackernotselected

It looks like it's official... In at No. 6. #goldcrakers www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...

Sad news... RIP

Delivery firms have been “microshifting”for a long time, by only ringing your bell when you are out, or can’t get to the door. #jokedump

Banks are going to start telling people where they might put their money. This is fine so long as, in return, we can tell them where to stick their bills. #jokedump

Donald Trump has approved the production of small Japanese automobiles called Tiny Cars in the US. They are great for getting around the city quickly! When they are ready, I'm buying two... one for each foot. #jokedump

Iceland has joined Spain, Ireland, Slovenia and the Netherlands in saying it will boycott the 2026 Eurovision Song Contest. On the brightside, at least this does mean the programme will be at least a quarter of an hour shorter next year. #jokedump

Hundreds of raw sausages have been fly-tipped along a footpath near Bristol city centre. The City Council have admitted things look bad, but say they could be wurst. #jokedump

HSBC has banned staff from wearing Christmas jumpers over fears they could upset some customers. Complaints have already been received from Trinny and Susannah, and Mr E Scrooge. #jokedump

Trump has criticised 'decaying' European countries and their 'weak' leaders. This was right after he woke up from his afternoon nap and stumbled into the press conference. #jokedump

Claudia Winkleman was made an MBE by King at Windsor Castle. Once she had her shield, she then murdered the Queen by reciting a line of Shakespeare, and brushing an eyelash from her cheek. #jokedump

Lithuania declares emergency situation over Belarus balloons

Bilbo's original book title was rejected by publishers. #LOTR #LordOfTheRings

Zarah Sultana said there was a “toxic culture” within ‘Your Party’. However, further investigations revealed it was just an old discarded pot of Jeremy Corbyn’s Kefir yoghurt. #jokedump

Johnny Cash’s estate is taking legal action against the Coca-Cola company for allegedly mimicking his voice in an advertisement. Yes, to stop it they are going to use a ploy named Sue. #jokedump

The BBC has learnt the public inquiry into the Covid pandemic has cost the government more than £100m to respond to so far. That’s almost as much as they gave Michelle Mone. #jokedump

Action star Keifer Sutherland is taking the role of Buttons on a stage, in a film about a British Traditional Pantomime Cinderella. That’s a bit like finding out Jullian Clarey will play John McClane in a remake of “Die Hard”. #jokedump

A New Zealand man has been charged with theft over claims he swallowed a $19k Fabergé egg. The locket has not been recovered, so the Police say he will remain ‘egg-bound’ over. #jokedump

The Christian tradition is to put up your Christmas tree and decorations on the first day of Advent, the fourth Sunday before December 25th. But this is difficult to gauge these days since Blue Peter stopped making advent crowns with real candles due to safety concerns. #jokedump

Children's music group, The Wiggles, has issued a statement after members were seen in a music video alluding to drug use. A spokesperson said the group "does not condone" that sort of thing, it just feels like they do when you are watching them. #jokedump

Your Party has not got off to the smoothest of starts. Feuds and boycotts have dogged the birth… Thus proving they are ideally suited to run the country. #jokedump

A Cryptology firm has had to cancel some elections after losing a computer encryption key. Honestly, how difficult is it to remember PASSWORD123 or your pet's name? #jokedump

Both Rachael Reeves and Keir Starmer have had a bad week. The chancellor for lying about a black hole in the economy, and the prime minister for leading primary school children in a viral dance. Both are at 6s and 7s. #jokedump

A thief has been caught on camera stealing an 8ft tall Christmas decoration. The police are looking for suspects with a 100ft Christmas Tree. #jokedump

There have been reports that thieves have stolen £79,000 worth of snails from a farm in northern France that supplies gourmet restaurants.This is the very definition of a ‘Slow News Day’. #jokedump

Justice Secretary David Lammy says 12 prisoners have been accidentally released in the past three weeks: two are still at large. They survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, If no one else can help, if you can find them. Maybe you can hire, The A-Team! #jokedump

Fire crews have tackled an early morning fire at BBC Scotland’s Glasgow headquarters. President Trump claims it’s because the BBC are liars, and their pants caught on fire! #jokedump

In what’s thought to be a first in Scotland, an immersive childcare course is giving students a taste of the real world letting them learn alongside the sound of tantrums and noisy play sessions, rather than working in a quiet classroom. The recordings were made at Holyrood. #jokedump

The Conservatives have accused Rachel Reeves of creating a "smokescreen" to raise taxes. They later found out it was just Nigel Farage having a crafty cigarette. #jokedump

The prime minister said there was “no misleading”, pointing to downgraded forecasts for economic productivity which meant the government had less than it otherwise would have had. Which is exactly what I told HMRC when they fined me over my last Tax return. #jokedump

Vienna has invited villagers from Dull in Perthshire to stay for two nights, free of charge, hoping to convince others there is nothing Dull about the city. Meanwhile the occupants of Twatt in Orkney, and Coup-My-Horn in Fife are waiting for their invites to Bangkok. #jokedump

If you fly planes at an aerodrome, and ride bikes at a velodrome, what do you do at a syndrome?