My American co-writers both have swimming pools in their gardens Now I can finally look them in the eye.

I was just playing my usual Tuesday night football game inside the Arsenal complex. Surprising response to my late equaliser

“I think we need to have a proper debate about the way forward…” is Labour MP speak for “I have no idea what the hell we should do.”

I asked Babs if she could see a way forward for the Labour Party.

Surely they've suffered enough?

The Labour government needs to be much bolder and set the agenda. It should bring in Single Transferable Votes (without a referendum), rejoin the Single Market and Customs Union (without a referendum). Also they should abolish BBC local weather right after the national weather (after a referendum).

Party politics aside - the way we elect our councils in London is insane. Re-electing 100% of councillors once every 4 years = maximum disruption and minimum experience.

I’ve actually trained Babs to growl at Reform voters… #dogsatpollingstations

First day of rehearsals for Something Rotten! (Opens at Manchester Opera House next month…)

Given Labour's aptitude for disastrous own goals, I foresee Keir Starmer being forced out and the new leader ends up being Peter Mandelson.

OK. Sure. But maybe we should give Peter Mandelson one more chance.

📣 Register to vote! Just one week to go until the voter registration deadline for the upcoming local elections 🗳️ Make sure you have your say and register by 20 April ✅ www.gov.uk/register-to-... #RegisterToVote #LocalElections

What a great night. Orban loses, Paddington wins.

Maybe Wireless will get a decent Fyre-type documentary out of all this... www.theguardian.com/music/2026/a...

Thank you @cathynewman.bsky.social for 20 great years on @channel4news.bsky.social - excellent journalism, with integrity, rigour and charm. Good luck with all your future challenges…

These April Fool pieces get more ridiculous every year. Oh.

Had thought the Spurs board might get Gary Davies to fill in for now.

Today I am as old as that Beatles song about being really old.

Quiz question in today's Times happens to be on my specialised subject.

Once again I have been left out of England's World Cup squad. I think it is because I qualify to play for both England and Ireland, and so both managers presume I am playing for the other.

"What is this 'IRA' of which you speak? Is that like some American tax thing?"

Longest VAR decision ever...

I’m half-Irish - so Happy St Patrick’s Day till lunchtime. ☘️🇮🇪

My car has a big dent in the door. No other vehicle was involved. I CALL ON NATO COUNTRIES TO MEND THE BIG DENT IN MY CAR DOOR.

10 part series about one of ‘the Bennett Sisters’ is just starting on the telly. Who are these Bennett Sisters and why has there not been anything about them on television before?

Just wait till they find out the otter's pronouns.

For this World Book Day, Babs has come as Birnham Wood.

This is what all those ex-pats in Dubai paid their taxes for. Oh, hang on, they didn't. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

You have to feel a little bit sorry for the Liberal Democrats. Nobody can even be bothered to talk about how shit their result was.

'Goodwin'? Bad Loser more like.

It doesn't look very much fun.

Very sad news about the death of Rob Grant. Not only the co-creator of the brilliant Red Dwarf, but also part of the original writing team that made Spitting Image the huge show it became. A huge comedy talent.

Peter Mandelson has been bailed - on the condition that he will not leave the country or launch a new podcast with Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor.

Oh - is it Mandelson’s birthday?

"Keep your side of the road clean." In a world of dolourous news, all you can do is find one small thing - then try to fix it. And so me and the British Society of Magazine Editors are launching this - to find the next generation of writers AND PAY THEM. Screw you, AI. We still believe in writing.

This is why this government absolutely has to reform our archaic voting system. We risk letting Reform take power on 29% of the vote. But under AV, barely any voters would put Reform 2nd and Britain would be saved from Trumpism. Plus it would make our politics more representative at the same time.

“What do you want to do on your birthday Andrew?” “I dunno - surprise me.”

You know what? I'm going right off Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor.

You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round And he galloped into Market Street, his badge upon his chest His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west

I saw Wuthering Heights. Probably not a good sign that I was thinking ’Come on Cathy, hurry up and die, then we can all get to the pub.’

Writing is thinking. It's not some marginal boring task you can skip. It's the heart of it.

All these fancy events at the Olympics bear no resemblance to winter sports of my childhood. I actually think Team GB would do quite well in the 'Mixed Massive Snowball Fight'.

Manchester United team photo (without any immigrants).

We’re celebrating #HeartUnionsWeek this week + the vital work of unions If you’re a writer in TV, film, theatre, audio, books, comedy, poetry, animation or videogames, it’s the perfect week to join WGGB, your trade union! Find out more + join online: www.writersguild.org.uk

The whole world is completely screwed and full of terrible people doing terrible things - but still nothing this year has made me as angry as the ending of Bugonia.

I am offering Babs to help clean up politics.

It was downhill from there...

As part of the release of WhatsApp messages regarding Mandelson, I feel duty bound to share this exchange between my daughter and myself from back in September. Not quite sure how the request about a movie recommendation will be treated by the enquiry.

For the final performance of Just For One Day, they put real whisky in Maggie's Thatcher's glass and it was very funny seeing Julie Atherton react and still drink two inches of whisky on stage.

Well today it really is 'Just For One Day'. Ta-ta for now, Live Aid Musical, it's been a great run, from the Old Vic to the West End, via Toronto - what a pleasure and a privilege.