Thank you Donald Trump for resolving that terrible war between Cambodia and Armenia. Now can you bring about peace between Narnia and the Kingdom of Leather.

If you are going to start playing deportation bingo, we could just as easily say 'You can't live in the UK if you have a foreign sounding surname and a non-British partner - Farage, pack your bags - you're out.'

Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From

The fawning cowards at Disney and ABC who cancelled Jimmy Kimmel's show for the mildest bit of Trump satire should be named and shamed - and when this is all over be paraded down Hollywood's Walk of Fame as comedy fans throw custard pies at them.

They projected a well-known photograph of Epstein with Trump. How is that a 'malicious communication' if it is sharing a fact?

September? But the entire twenty-first century has not involved me updating my look.

In London, hate will never win.

#Discoveries2026 is opening for entries TOMORROW! Make sure you’re signed up to our Writers’ Room newsletter to be the first to learn who’s on our 2026 judging panel and more: womensprize.com/sign-up-to-o... #writers #writingcommunity #writerscommunity

Very moving (and funny) tribute to the great Bill Dare at the BBC Radio Theatre today. If you ever laughed at Dead Ringers or Spitting Image, that's probably thanks to Bill.

Peter Mandelson already planning his return to public life. He'll say that everybody deserves a fourth chance.

Here’s a cartoon I did about the far-right weaponisation of vawg. If you’d like to share it with someone who’s not on social media, there’s a PDF link at the bottom of this thread. Thank you!

This is such a shit cartoon on every level. Peter Brookes should hang his head in shame. Angela Rayner is like one of those mass murdering dictators because - what??

I’m back at Just For One Day, the Live Aid musical, to see a few of our understudies who are on tonight. They are the great unsung heroes of musical theatre! 🎭🕺💃

Angela Rayner should know the law is very clear on this and it is illegal to a working class woman in a position of power.

Wasn't St George from Palestine? Palestine Action should declare that their new logo is the St George's Cross, then anyone displaying the flag would have to be arrested. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

The anti-refugee demonstrators pretend they're protecting women. There is of course no higher rate of offences against women by refugees. But of the men arrested during last summers riots, an incredible 40% of them had been reported to police for domestic violence www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...

"Are asylum seekers the biggest political issue in Britain?" Asks radio 4. "We interview man who is determined to make it the biggest issue in Britain. And make it a headline every morning until it definitely is"

I’m worried about Billy the Badger. He might want to get that cough checked out.

Here we go for the new season. With a really good run, I really believe we could make 14th… 🤞🏆#FFC

Journalists used to write M.R.D.A. - short for “Mandy Rice-Davies Applies” whenever someone said something that they obviously would do.

Ricotta Hotcakes is the new fashion editor of The Telegraph.

It's the new marketing challenge for authors - which television show did you star in?

The Beatles get their A Level results. Aug 1964.

I am about to be on the PM programme on Radio 4, talking about political memoirs. What are your favourite books by politicians?

Congratulations to @jfkane.bsky.social on the publication of her novel Fonseca about Penelope Fitzgerald, published in the USA today. British publishers - form an orderly queue for the latest novel from this great writer!

In terms of encouraging violence against individuals, Reform is actually closer to a terrorist organisation than Palestine Action.

So by my estimate that will leave the total number of book programmes on the BBC as... er, none. www.thebookseller.com/news/between....

Like the day itself Just For One Day is incredible. A jukebox musical packed with standout songs from Live Aid, some appearing in unexpected and amusing ways. Lots of fun in the show with meat to give context to the times and controversies. A brilliant cast rock the theatre.🎸👏🏿 Go see it now. 👍🏿🎼📺

if I ever go properly "screaming about nothing in particular in the street" mad it will be due to having spent too much time having read about the opinions of men who have absolutely never cared about women's rights for one moment in their lives but decided to pretend just for the sake of racism

In my recent novel Family Politics, I had a right wing politician calling for ordinary citizens organising as vigilante coast watchers and they keep misidentifying ordinary boaters as illegal migrants. You write it as satire,and before long it is current affairs. www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

Hey everyone, A.I. has worked out all the results and final standings for the Premier League next season, so there is no need for all the players and fans to turn up to all those games.

I understand that Simon from 'Trevor and Simon' went to see my Live Aid musical the other night.

My dog would not do this. (I would not get the ball, just a withering stare)

This giant sign was to inform the Luftwaffe that they had flown too far - and please not to drop their bombs on neutral Ireland.

Just watching Mrs O’F swimming from the Forty Foot in Dun Laoghaire. Setting for the opening of James Joyce’s Ulysses or Sharon Horgan’s Bad Sisters, depending on your literary tastes

Clapham Common looking lovely this morning.

Your Party has split.

Our grandparents knew titanic warfare, genocide, economic dislocation, smashed cities & hideous disease. They clung to the ideals of liberal democracy as if their lives depended on it These people have known only peace, prosperity, safety and it has blown their minds. They hunger for dislocation.

I like how computer hackers are always portrayed as wearing gloves and hoodies. You'd think if they were that clever with computers, they'd know how to turn the camera off.

Thanks @alastaircampbell2.bsky.social for all the nice things you say about my Live Aid musical Just For One Day… podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/t...

I'm still buzzing from the Just For One Day gala show last night - seeing the likes of Brian May and Midge Ure watch our cast reinterpret and repurpose all those great songs. So many un-famous participants on stage at the end as well - some of the ordinary heroes who made it all happen 40 years ago.

At a special gala performance of Just For One Day to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Live Aid. I never imagined when I sat down to write this musical that I would one day be watching the show with the likes of Bob Geldof, Midge Ure and Brian May.

Ain't it the truth.

Happy Birthday to Babs. Two years old and now has her own paddling pool.

Well '28 Years Later' was fantastic. But maybe not one for Grandma's film club.

It would appear that in the continuing mass murder in Gaza, today's villain is the BBC for providing free streaming of lots of music acts from Glastonbury.

If you asked me to imagine 2025 as a kid I might have come up with flying cars, space travel... Never in a million years would I have foreseen a Fianna Fáil Taoiseach giving a speech at the Dublin Pride parade to mark the ten year anniversary of Ireland’s referendum to legalise gay marriage…

It's a mark of what's gone wrong with British politics that it's regarded as some kind of career-ending humiliation when a govt has to make concessions to Members of Parliament. We'd be much better governed if MPs found their backbones more often, & govts routinely had to respond to their concerns.

If they had asked me if they could have my old Twitter joke for their instagram account I would have said yes.

A house down the street was chucking out a few toys. Babs chose this over the jigsaw.