"Dada wine all gone." - undoubtedly my child, 1

My favorite TX/OU Weekend pastime: counting the cars going the wrong way on Haskell.

Thinking about this line a lot lately.

There aren't THAT many days that being a Packers fan in Dallas is particularly joyous (though more than being a Cowboys fan anywhere), but this is one of them.

I am an American aquarium drinker; I assassin down the avenue.

I hate when someone unearths my pube-autograph to the world's most famous pedophile while I'm dying of cankles

I do not understand why educators are not fighting this shit tooth and nail. My kids will be starting school in a few years, and I fear this junk will be forced on them from day one.

Two kids and one dog is harder than one kid and two dogs. Especially if all humans have a cold. And the youngest one has diarrhea. And the dog gets bitey when a baby cries...

Everything before the word "but" is bullshit.

I've listened to "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" approximately 1,054 times in the last 24 hours. No idea why. Like, why the fuck. Just want my 0 followers to know what's up.

Is the celebrity minor, or the interaction? Either way, I chatted briefly with Dustin Diamond at the Elbow Room.

Anyone got eyes on Dylan and McCartney?

I think it's time to admit that my experience with Third Amendment law is EXTREMELY limited.

Has to be Etta James. Everyone else I can think of kinda pales in comparison.

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

I've had a busy day. Any news?

This is just me at a Dallas bar every time I say, "Dez didn't catch it."

Fucking fuck. Fuck fucking every-fucking-thing.

It's the opposite of leadership. Follow-ship.

Willow. Swear to god.

This is what they do. They know the right answer. They just don't care. These hearings are just another excuse to lie while blaming Biden. The only adverse consequences come from telling the truth.

As someone over 40, my advice to the youngsters out there is to find a great pillow. I never anticipated how many days (and subsequent nights) would be ruined by a sore neck.

I wonder if the second kid will grow up differently if we put the bassinet on my side of the bed this time.

How can anyone defend this horrid corruption? Like, what can you even say? "The president has bad taste and wants a new plane. Laws don't matter."

A random, poorly-lit picture of a surly elderly man found in the drawer of a Ruidoso, New Mexico, condominium. Also the scene from Veep where Jonah tries to fight the focus group.

Bagel place was out of plain bagels this morning. I might riot. Or just sulk. Either way, my day is shot.

All the lights in Dallas are flashing red. Must've rained today.

Movie you’ve watched more than six times using gifs. (“Hard mode” no Star Wars, Star Trek, or LOTR)

Elbow. Room. Pizza. The bar is closed, and the only person who knew how to make it is dead.

Fuck Colorado. Have a good evening.

While I was walking to the courthouse today, I got called "Donald Trump" by a group of youths. I would have fought them over such an insult, but I wasn't wearing a belt. And I'm old, out of shape, and have stuff to lose.

Worth it just for this exchange.

Anybody have a coal plant by their house? Was that wheeze a yes?

Give them a break. They have constituents to ignore.

My 401k from my current employer vested 3 days after Trump's inauguration, so it's a pretty accurate indicator of market performance during his term. I would be significantly wealthier today if I had stuck that money under my mattress.

This is WILDLY insufficient. If my child (14 months next week!) somehow gets hold of a knife, I don't let her fuck around with it for a couple months. I take it and figure out how to make sure it never happens again. And she's MUCH more responsible than Donald.

The fact that I can't find an old Hipster Runoff post that's SUPER RELEVANT to a joke I wanted to make means the internet is dead. Fucking dumbest future.

At least Soros is paying us out of his pocket, you cheap bastard. I've seen my tax money go to some dumb shit, but this would take the cake

Fuck. I have to cheer for Baylor today. I dislike Duke for many reasons, but forcing me to cheer for my law-ma mater is high on thar list...

Why don't I hear KNON anymore? It's fucking Friday night. If this continues, I'm going to fucking riot. Again.

The only thing I truly dislike about Bluesky is the inability to tell Republican politicians to go fuck themselves. Late Twitter was good for that and that only.

I think about it all the time these days.

Tripped over a thing in my closet and ended up ripping off my big toenail. How's your Monday going so far?

Maybe it's just because my whole family has been sick lately, but it feels like everything is sicker. Darker. Scarier. And it's so much worse that it's all so unnecessary. Stupid. Morally and ethically bankrupt.

I hear that asshole played golf yesterday. It was a fucking Wednesday. I have too much shit to do to ever play golf on Wednesdays. And I'm not the president of shit.

I remember when it was Republican dogma that "the government shouldn't pick winners and losers." But I'm old. And old enough to know that they've always been full of shit.

I've been reading pre-WWI history lately, and it's quite amazing how things can go to shit FAST. And stay that way. I turn 42 next month. My daughter is about to be one, and I have another kid on the way. I don't want their limited time with me to be lived in a fucking dystopia. It's scary.

It's alarming that he has access to government ANYTHING, Senator. Which act of Congress created his "department"? When was the Senate vote on his appointment to lead it?

You finally get your life together. Have a kid! Get married! Another kid on the way! And the world falls apart around you. I'll never forgive or forget.