Fan theory: Pandora is popular because wives were sick of telling their SO what to get them for gifts.

Opinions on me always depends They call me a dick because I never fit in

When people with LED headlights are riding my ass, I turn my side mirrors to reflect the death light back at them. 100% of the time they back up to a reasonable distance.

im not allowed bitch im not allowed

Hear me out, titties....but tiDDies.

Round 2

Friendly medical professional reminder: Please wash your balls.

About to burst and if I can't, fret. Or whatever Missy Elliot said.

Yo quiero out this bitch

Handing this to everyone on here who answers rhetorical questions

When you finally get to take your mask off >>>

"You contemptuous cunt."

Honey badgers do give a shit, about berries.

Inject this straight in my veinssss

Bucket of Fuck it

Do things you enjoy because it adds value to your life. Stop replacing the word value with money.

"Affordability isn't real, it's just some made up DEI word." - Trump, probably

I taught myself how to make homemade Mac and cheese and it's too good. Somebody stop me. I will hyperfixate and eat Mac and cheese for a whole month. I need an accountabilibuddy.

Waxing potential Grifts anew Its been a long year Borrowed time flew #poem

Trump's whackadoo on smackadoo

Radishes, figure it out. You spicy? Mild? Sweet? I can't keep doing this.

You douche-knobs categorizing empathy as a feminist trait is the leading cause of the male loneliness epidemic. You've created your own villain out of desperation to be loved when you don't even love others.

What is you doing, Terry.

I'll always take a 40yo doctor that's pushing to learn and become better with technology, than an old doc who has "tried and true" methods any day. Give me Doctor Frankenstein.

My Dentist today "We're gonna take you from gorgeous, to gorgeous-er." Me - that's not a word but ✨🥰✨

Unhinged personality trait #1: when people tell me who I am, I try to prove them wrong.

Precarious petulance Aiming for dominance Met with diminishing resolve To focus on kindness is a chastised trait One where arrogance besets grace #quickpoem #poem

It's beginning to look a lot like fuck this.

Get up off your ass and high five me, bitch. #motivationmonday

Present registry but for your birthday. Make them.

Well don't you just look like sunshine on a stick.

The notion hangs heavy Muddied in its foggy fallow Fostering frustration News of old and now, merging Maybe it's meaningless Wonder only creates for the one Slipping down Sliding back Desperate to ascend these Peaks of knowledge To know is not enough. #poem #quickpoem

I better 'Fake it til you make it' before I 'Fuck it and blow up it"

Not my teeth.

Warning: fuzzy, but not #plantlife

Who's that hoe over there? Oh, me.

One theory I have is that competence, self-control, responsibility, and expertise have all been feminized, leaving “masculinity” with the realm of impulsivity and petulance. So the divide is not really between “femininity” and “masculinity” so much as between adulthood and childishness.

Who knew being good at your job could be so intimidating to the resident bitches..

Has my social battery shrunk in my 30's or has my tolerance for 'friends'?

The notion hangs heavy Muddied in its foggy fallow Fostering frustration News of old and now, merging Maybe it's meaningless Wonder only creates for the one Slipping down Sliding back Desperate to ascend these Peaks of knowledge To know is not enough.

Is calling a coworker Dorian Gray an insult if they don't know who it is?

3 for 3. Fuck you, man baby

Making eye contact at the gym is worse than small talk.

Watching wicked: Madam Morrible "Eyes closed....Toes clenched..." Husband - let's out a whiny fart Cue laugh track

Trump got a publicized, self-jerkoff session (peace prize). And FIFA got...?

That peace prize was a trade of goods. I wonder what trump did for FIFA? I guess we'll see in the coming year.

Still reminiscing about the time Trump was hit with a tomato in IC. Man, those were the days.

Gaming husbands are hard, but it's nothing this gaming wife can't handle. Bowchickayah