Watching this makes me wish I was doing anything else.

MIZ UP YOUR ASS FLORIDA #letmehavethis

Mizzou ready to break my heart for the 4,787th time. Just do it already.

I'm afraid to watch the #StrangerThings finale because I'm worried it will make me emotional (bored) and it's already been a hard (boring) enough week.

Nbd but over on Facebook they’re celebrating and discussing the logistics of Maduro being dragged through the streets of midtown Manhattan for a murder parade.

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

This might actually be outrageously stupid enough to cement it for the republicans in the midterms. Victory, I mean.

Alright enough news for one day. Time to take the surprising amount of money I’ve made on shrewd football bets and lose it all on idiotic basketball bets.

HIM: I was diagnosed 20 years ago and luckily still work 50 hours a week, run the occasional marathon and just had my 6th child. ME: Oh I'm sorry, did you say something? *rubs phantom burning pain in leg* I was just trying to remember how many naps I took yesterday. #ms

Happy CNN is here to remind me this is actually a great and welcome liberation of the Venezuelan people and that our very rich and handsome president is a hero. Well done.

Evergreen tweet

Now that they’ve started a war I’ve completely forgotten that they’re pedophiles.

I will say, when something alarming happens, nothing quite calms my nerves like a Trump address to the nation. Just reminds me that there's no sense in panicking because none of this matters and we're all gonna die anyway. The man has a way of turning my nihilism up to 11 and that's not nothing.

RIP dry January

Listening to Tool for some nostalgia and honestly it's not going well.

The fact that there are like a dozen Stranger Things kids still alive and fighting Vecna is a pretty big indictment of Vecna. Like who's actually ever died? The metal head dipshit? Nobody cared about him anyway, except Dustin, that fuckin creepy toad. Anyway, I need at least half of everybody dead.

Planning on making some lifestyle changes to hopefully get healthier and happier in 2026, but first, let's do about an 8-day run of mild to moderately-crippling depression just to get it out of my system. Fill the slate with one last pile of awful feeling bullshit before wipin that bitch clean.

Afraid of the new year??? That’s just Auld-Lang-Siety

Football is the fucking worst.

My expectation is that AI trash “art” will actually bottom out in its underdeveloped infancy and inspire a new wave of human creators to make things people actually want and appreciate as opposed to the same janky ass cookie cutter bullshit at every turn. Fingers crossed anyway.

Sometimes you pick up the guitar and just start noodling around, then suddenly you’re playing an old song you didn’t even remember you had learned 15 years ago. Brains, man. They can’t be tamed.

It’s easy to roll through life and feel a bit dead inside at times. Maybe lots of times. This whole existence thing isn’t exactly fucking easy. That’s why it’s nice to have art that can make us feel. Fear, worry, hate, love, frustration, joy. Movies do that sometimes, and it’s great when they do.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck

2026 Resolution: reconnect with old losers

The only acceptable way #StrangerThings can end is if a giant 20-sided die lands in the middle of the final battle, then we zoom out to see that all of this has just been a game of DnD being played by teenagers in the year 2625. Anything else will be an embarrassment.

Vocally defended the honor of KMBC 9 meteorologist Joel Nichol’s wife while he sat there and let it happen like a bitch.

I feel like I know what shadowy cabal Puka’s gonna blame that call on.

That’s the best catch I’ve ever seen in my life. Also not a catch.

An even stranger thing would've been giving me likable characters.

*70’s werewolf movie* ME:

When I see people sitting in the stands at a football game, my first and only thought is “lol fuck I hope I never go to a football game again. That shit sucks.”

It’s fun to discover a movie and see something wonderful you didn’t know could actually exist in a movie. The color of this feels almost impossible but it’s not. It’s very real and spectacular. Thank you @criterionchannl.bsky.social

New “this is fine” just dropped.

Traded staring blankly at football for a movie marathon today and it was the right decision.

THERAPIST: It's important to have a coping mechanism. ME: I couldn't agree more. THERAPIST: Not alcohol. ME: Lol yeah totally. Anyway, I should go.

I have no idea how it's not 8pm right now.

A college professor once told me, "if you're going to be an iconoclast, you must also aspire to be an icon of class," so I nodded in agreement, ripped a deafening fart and told him his syllabus looked like the feverish scribbles of a manic hobo and that it was no wonder his wife left him.

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are BACK and just dying to cast a dark shadow of lazy acting tropes upon your date night!

The only tip I can give to make someone understand and enjoy professional wrestling a little better is...imagine these "fights" are happening at the bottom of every hour at the "winding creek" inside a Renaissance festival. That's all it is. This shit's been around for literally hundreds of years.

Deathriders full stable face turn? Feels like…a mistake. Y’all’s roster is like 15% heel. Shit isn’t sustainable.😂🤼

Am I crazy or was that Okada neck breaker called “Landslide” in NJPW? Am I having a Mandela Effect thing? #AEWWorldsEnd 🤼

I missed out on all the wacky Pop Tarts stuff today because I was busy mindlessly staring at the flame of a burning candle for three straight hours thank fucking Christ.

ME: This is a good match. DANIELSON: Very even so far. These ladies have gone tits for tat and it’s great! ME: Well done. #AEWWorldsEnd 🤼

Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn't nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam, or alice in chains.

I’m sorry but Harley Cameron makes everybody so much worse. Even greats like Mone and Athena are lost in there with somebody putzin it up awkward as fuck. It’s not fun to watch. #AEWWorldsEnd

Got some big things in the works guys. Stay tuned.

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to NOT spend money to watch Okada/Takeshita. On principle alone they can have my 25 bucks.

The Los Angeles Chargers: America's Favorite Forever Frauds™️

Listening to Rich Eisen and Kurt Warner is actively making me sterile. My sperm count has absolutely plummeted over the course of this broadcast. I've seen loaves of bread with more natural charisma.

Legitimately looking forward to jacket weather. I hate it here.