did all the laundry, changed the bed, now to fight for my life with a everything shower

them: are you fucking stupid me:

sharing an elevator is a humiliation ritual

my entire floor’s hallway honks like fresh weed and it’s not coming from my apartment?????? 😔

just bought a leopard maxi skirt, ama

i’ve had this dull pain in one of my toes for a few months, thought maybe i was dying.. turned out to be a tiny shard of glass lodged that got healed over lmao

PDX lights out 11:00 pm - 6:00 am the next three nights 🚫💡🦆🪿to keep dem birds safe

remember when p-finsch band used to drop first tube mid-set ? kinda miss that

feeling like i got hit by a truck so im sippin a cutie lil energies drank

bestie

gonna sleep like a corpse tn queen

being alive is so pointless

ahahahhahaha i didn’t get the job hahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahaha

what happened this time, plzz keep me entertained im at hospital (im fine, dont ask)

and he was wearing these fugly jeans

why is finding a non-birkenstock clog/mule so hard

@platestealer.bsky.social love yew guise a lot 💗💗💗

good to know the sock trick works on aio weed carts

i want a snack so bad but steely is sleeping right in the doorway sooo

al di meola couldn’t hang, i’m fuckin howling

thinking about that jumbo chocolate chip muffin i’m gonna eat tomorrow morning

zero gag reflex with a dick in my mouth, pills are a much different story

absolutely no one: Linked in: add this literal piece of shit person you vaguely knew in 2006

let @bigdumbidiot421.bsky.social cook thh

you ever have a such a hard day you start understanding why people pray lmao

howling like

ok so i’ve made this recipe enough that i feel confident sharing it, if ur craving a gigantic chocolate chip muffin, then this is the recipe for you sugarspunrun.com/bakery-style...

does your dog ever sneeze and get stuck for a sec on the second sneeze but their nostrils flare and you can see them waiting for the second sneeze like a human or

guys there are strangers literally shit posting in my menchies

can’t believe this interview is still 45 mins away

my family doctor dropped me as a patient bc i said i was trying a new doctor so now i get to go sit in a hospital emergency room to get my fucking prescriptions back, oh and the wait time is 9 hours 🤡

i bet you the second i get into the shower canada post delivers my package

people who disable quote posting or replying are soft as hell

i’m still tiny bit HONGRY but i recently put back 6lbs on so no snonks

yea well i had sex with your wife

i need to go to bed but i’m not close to tired yet im existially drained

the mainstream media declaring maga dead is kind of beautiful

women are tired from carrying around their big honkin tits and that sephora bag or something to that effect

@mayor.nyc.gov: “The fashion industry is made possible by the thousands of workers behind the scenes—seamstresses, tailors, retail workers, delivery drivers—whose immense talent and dedication deserves to be celebrated.” ♥️ i-d.co/article/mayo...

accidentally slept right until 9am like a piece of shit, if my bladder didn’t wake me up i’d probably still be sleeping

someone is selling a vintage pasta making machine in my building for $50 and i’m so tempted to buy it lol

🚨Al DiMeola playing Tiger alert🚨

mom: good luck on your spotify interview me: oh it’s called shopify mom: spotify me: SHOPify mom: SPOTify me: ok, you know how you like to go shopping mom: yes me: ok so shopify is a website company mom: then what’s a spotify me: a music streaming company mom: why would you work in music???

thinking of getting married for the bridal fits

you ever just chillin and you hear a giant crash in your kitchen and go to check it out and you see that a parchment paper roll slid and knocked a gigantic pyrex cup onto the floor ya me either

them: are you stupid? me: I DONT HAVE THUMBS 😏

you might be at SHPHERE but are you doing a bong rip in your bra rn DID NOT THINK SO

should i renew hillzy.ca ???

imagine telling this guy that he can suck on a usb powered nicotine machine

thinking about her