No, dog, you didn’t just get a random cheese treat. One of them had a pill in it. Sucker! (I only recently learned not to hide the meds in the last treat, but one of the middle ones. As long as the dog can see there are more coming, they go straight down the hatch.)

Watching old movies on TV that haven’t been remastered, my brain can’t help but count to seven each time I see the projectionist cue mark up in the corner. I’m waiting for the day where one of my kids — both out of high school — ask what they are.

My father grew up on the edge of a prairie city. He could go out and play as far as his father could hear him respond with a whistle to his whistle. As a result, my dad learned to whistle very loudly. I've heard that sound my entire life. It's a unique sound. 1/

I find it very weird when people talk to themselves. My brain just isn’t wired that way. Me, this morning, as I squash TWO spiders in the bathroom: “Fuck you… and fuck you.” I guess I was technically talking to them. RIP.

it's true that AI is wrong and looks like shit, but personally the most repellent part of it is that the people who use it of their own accord are doing it because they believe what rich people say and do what rich people tell them to do

I was talking to my son about football* and I had to dig up everything I could recall about the Chicago Bears and Buddy Ryan’s 4-6 Defence to make a point. Legendary. * Soccer. We were talking about the English Football League.

And shortly after, my aunt took my older sister and I to see it. I would’ve been 7. I loved it. 10-12 years later I saw it for the second time. WHAT WAS MY AUNT THINKING!?! 😂 Truth be told, I learned a valuable lesson that helped me when I became a parent: Young kids don’t understand shit. 😜

Spain is one of the favourites to win the World Cup, but today they couldn’t beat… an all-inclusive resort?

So… is on the tits acceptable?

I just watched Seth Myers on Funny You Ask with Ike Barinholtz. I never knew Seth was a huge DC Comics fan. Why has Seth never had @gailsimone.bsky.social on @latenightseth.bsky.social?! Seems like a missed opportunity for joy.

I bought this little guy in Coombs, BC. What’s its name?

I bought this little guy in Coombs, BC. What’s its name?

Am I interested in watching a documentary about the band, Earth, Wind & Fire? No. What’s that? Questlove directed it? Then I’m fucking in.

Great! I’ll be able to confirm that every performance of the theme song was unique.

Is there a word for when one simultaneously vurps and sharts?

Harkonnens are attacking!

As if I wasn’t already enjoying Widow’s Bay enough when both Betty Gilpin AND Hamish Linklater show up!!! Are you kidding me?! If Henry Winkler or Rebecca Ferguson show up I just might explode!

Between this and the Rock radio joke from a short time ago, I hope the Sisyphus jokes never end.

Are you stupid or something? is my middle name.

The number of masks I would see being worn on public transit in Vancouver pre-2019 was nowhere near zero. (Also curious if Dr. Malone asked every single mask-wearer why they were masked.)

Happy Orthodox Star Wars Day to all who celebrate. The movie that changed movies forever is 49 years old today!

I just noticed a Mother's Day card in our dining room. It was signed by the younger ladies that my wife works with. They all said she's the best "mom" to them; caring, generous, and they all love her. 🥲 Not one of them mentioned how funny she is. I guess she saves that for me.

I miss AdCritic.com.

Creating a Kickstarter campaign to fund a steakhouse restaurant with a playroom… maybe even a ball pit. McDonald’s and IKEA can’t have all the fun.

The sixth episode from the first season of TOS had a different title when it aired in the UK. Not acceptable.

You can pick your wife. You can pick your nose. And you can definitely pick your wife's nose. As long as she's asleep, and then you better RUN.

I’m in the age range where if I see a person talking to themselves I’m wondering if there’s a psychological issue or they’re on the phone. I wonder what the cutoff ages are where only one of those is assumed.

Celebrini does hand over the "C", but Crosby declines with gratitude. "It's your time," he says. He then looks over at John Tavares. "But I'll take your 'A', dweeb."

Hotel Concierge: "... and you can check-in yourself before-" Me: "You wreck-in yourself!" <blank stare> Me: "I'll be checking out now."

As an almost-lifelong fan of SNL, this 51st season has been almost painful to watch. Episode 19 (Matt Damon) finally had me laughing more than once. The kitty litter commercial… 😆🤣😂

Today, in my neighbourhood, was a helicopter that was a lot lower than normal air traffic of its type. It was still a few hundred feet up, but low enough that I was trying to keep my eye on it while driving... kinda like so:

I was born in the 70s and love movies. My daughter, born in the '00s, has seen more movies from before I was born than I have and likely ever will. The kids are gonna be fine.

1 star. Would not watch.

Saw that coming.

If you’ve been raised in Vancouver, their is a soft “g” when pronouncing it. Like “Vangcouver”. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Also “schadenfreude” is pronounced “Canucks”.

My parents have luxury watches they’re handing down to a couple grandkids. They’ve been in a safety deposit box for years and required maintenance on them will cost a couple grand. Same day, in a restaurant, Mom figures out a way to save fifty cents on dessert. Frugal and cheap aren’t the same.

This!

Phthalo blue doesn’t exist outside of the BRCU. (Bob Ross Cinematic Universe)

May the 4th be with you! Watch my Star Wars mockumentary "The Lightsaber Maker" here! www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjOu...

“Man plans, God laughs.” That laughter sometimes takes the form of discovering a 24-hour Bob Ross channel.

We should all be talking about Widow’s Bay (Apple+).

Coincidence? I think not! Or probably.

On my last day at work, after being given notice of being laid off a few weeks ago, I smile knowing that this emoticon will forever live in the company’s Slack instance.

Not the Weekend at Bernie’s reboot we were expecting.

Well, it took 7 episodes, but Rooster (HBO) finally arrived at the welling-with-joy moments that we got with Ted Lasso and Shrinking. Bill Lawrence, you and your crews are glorious bastards.

@shanesbrains.bsky.social No giggling.

Twice in the last four days. Sandwiched his other specials in between. 5 stars. Will watch again.

Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” “My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are bofa.”