Another true story about my terrible career in tech: I wanted to one-up my work rival by volunteering to attend a (totally bullshit) conference only to discover he was the keynote speaker and I'd be his "assistant" for the day. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/when-i-wen...

I've noticed that people who think kids need to "learn to entertain themselves" also can't tolerate a child in public who isn't being entertained (aka, a bored and slightly annoying child). www.cartoonshateher.com/p/bored-kids...

I worked for at least two “evil” companies but I don’t feel bad about it because I did such terrible work that I probably cost them money in the long run

My 5 year old can grind coffee beans and make pour over coffee (minus hot water, ofc) but can’t tie his shoes

Pre-vibe-shift, I noticed a sizeable number of expectant parents (including dads) openly worry that their infant or unborn sons would later become violent misogynists. I argue that going into parenthood with this belief about your son was bad. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/the-preemp...

Most voluntarily childfree people chose not to have kids because they simply don't want them. But that answer isn't good enough for a lot of people, so we get "I can't bring children into a world barreling toward extinction." www.cartoonshateher.com/p/childfree-...

Today I wrote about the common trope of women's sexual fantasies centering around dominant/aggressive men, which is basically the opposite of "affirmative consent," and my solution: even vanilla couples should just have a safe word. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/consent-is...

One piece of bogus I refuse to buy into is that my “nervous system” was impacted by how my parents raised me in 1994. Nope! I simply do not believe it!

Today, a FREE article on the fact that I have never been able to make a "group of girlfriends." Even after improving my friend-making, it's always been 1:1. And groups I've had in the past have ended badly. Maybe...I don't actually want it? www.cartoonshateher.com/p/maybe-i-do...

Merry Christmas to all the losers and the haters, of which there are many!

Kinda disappointed that the right wing culture warriors haven’t latched onto Samantha the American Girl Doll’s great great granddaughter being Latina

Today, I rank my holiday outfits from ages 5 to 35! www.cartoonshateher.com/p/ranking-my...

Lots of bedsharing advocates seem to think that the only reason a woman wouldn't bedshare is because she doesn't want to be close to her baby. The reality is many women love the idea of bedsharing, but are simply too scared! www.cartoonshateher.com/p/i-didnt-be...

Today, I wrote about cunnilingus, how online discourse shapes perceptions it, and a few interesting studies that bring up some curious questions. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/the-cunnil...

We (mostly) all know screens are bad for kids. So when we limit screens, what tradeoff do we make? In my case, I have to become a crazy helicopter parent to prevent constant injury and disaster. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/screen-fre...

It's more socially inept to mock someone for vulnerably admitting to having trouble dating/making friends than whatever is wrong with that person in the first place. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/dont-doubl...

Finally subscribed. CHH’s writing feels like a sane sanctuary in a world of influencers peddling wild advice.

Today, I wrote about all the "invisible labor" that goes into Christmas, and the fact that most of it is just for...myself. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/my-christm...

I told my 2 year old to stop hitting me with her binky and Alexa offered to “call emergency help” for me….girl calm down

I mean to be fair he’s probably right, why would any liberal woman hang out with Tucker Carlson lol

5 year old just notified me he’s expecting a “present for Kwanzaa”

You all know the “mad at my husband because he cheated on me in my dream” thing but today my husband is benefiting from me having a dream last night that he died (I’m being very nice to him)

Obviously thrilled to have a viral essay this week. Small quibble is the amount of people being like "Why is this paid? Who cares?" Dude it's my job! Why is anything paid? fuck off!

Because it’s coming up again, just to be clear I do NOT have diagnosed autism (I've been tested.) I'm not offended by the suggestion but I dont wanna be that person whos like "oh i'm autistic and my special interest is being super social, fashionable and throwing parties!" (I do have ADHD/OCD)

Day 4 no ocd reassurance

Since people seemed to like my personal essay earlier this week about being universally hated at a Big Tech work orientation, here's another one about the time I threw the worst-ever networking event. (And while they're usually paid, this one is free.) Link in replies.

On how 'woman, you're a loser if no man' became 'woman, you're a loser if no pack of ten besties' phoebemaltzbovy.substack.com/p/friends-of...

My 2 year old: *throwing hour long tantrum* Me: I get it, it’s hard to be a baby. I used to be a baby too. 2 year old: I DON’T WANT MAMA TO BE A BABY!!!!

“Boomer” no longer even means people over 65 it just means “anyone who believes the economy was ever worse than in 2025”

Why would anyone be sad that a gorilla was receiving obstetrics care

Today, my personal essay about when I finally got my "dream job" at my "dream company" and everyone thought I was "the most annoying fucking person alive." Link in replies.

Today, my personal essay about when I finally got my "dream job" at my "dream company" and everyone thought I was "the most annoying fucking person alive." Link in replies.

My husband gave me the keys on a family outing, when we got home there was a hole in my pocket and they were GONE. Turns out they slithered into the lining of my pants and were at the ankle and I had to fish them out on the STREET

Does anyone have any good recommendations for funny (ideally normie lib politically, but not picky) accounts to follow? Don’t have to be famous! Can literally just be your funny friend.

Nobody ever comes to my parties, and I don't think it's the loneliness epidemic--it's a "me" thing. Here's my full investigation into why nobody wants to come to my parties. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/a-full-inv...

The joke fodder is really good but I may be off twitter for everything except posting articles. Sorry for you all that means more of me here!

Nobody ever comes to my parties, and I don't think it's the loneliness epidemic--it's a "me" thing. Here's my full investigation into why nobody wants to come to my parties. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/a-full-inv...

Today I wrote about the fact that it's hard to find a "female equivalent" to sexual violence because...there isn't one. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/do-you-wan...

Sometimes I'm like "oh I have no executive functioning because I have so much going on in my mind already" and then I remember that 90% of what's going on in my mind is just mental illness

Today I wrote about the fact that it's hard to find a "female equivalent" to sexual violence because...there isn't one. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/do-you-wan...

My latest Trump impression: reviewing the safety guidelines for a United flight www.cartoonshateher.com/p/audio-trum...

I don't want to be that "my child is so special and gifted" mom but it's kind of funny that my son is reading and can find some countries on a globe, but he's getting bad "grades" in Pre-K because he can't color in the lines

new anonymous survey on relationships/age! Pls fill it out! docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1F...

Today, my monthly roundup of all the things I wore, bought and sewed in November! www.cartoonshateher.com/p/fashion-fa...

Today: I don’t believe religion is the only thing keeping people from violence and crime, but it is/was the main thing keeping people in many relationships and communities that can be challenging or laborious. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/maybe-yall...

I was not expecting to be the Twitter main character today for saying "if you find a teenager attractive you can just silently think it and the entire world doesn't have to validate it."

Today, I wrote about the fact that even if some older teenagers look the same as adults, we really don't need to "break the stigma" about adults lusting after them. Some things can just remain private thoughts and don't need to be accepted by society. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/do-you-rea...

Today I wrote about the "science changing" on a seemingly monthly basis for things like nutrition and parenting. www.cartoonshateher.com/p/mom-can-yo...