More like sleep broken

It says a lot about me how many times I’ve had to explain End of a Year/Self Defense Family to various friend groups.

I dropped my phone in a hot tub last night and I didn’t even turn it off just grabbed it real quick and it works fine.

Watched one of those trailers for bring her back where they interview people in the theater and one dude is wearing an mj lenderman shirt

I spent my college years doing party drugs in the dubstep heyday and after getting old I now know the truth, which is that the best edm music is when it’s just post rock but with synthesizers

Maybe you should listen to less job for a cowboy and start filling out more job applications for cowboys

Me to a coworker today: “I am thirty-four years old. I am basically dead.”

Wolf Blitzer? I hardly know ‘er

To a crazy mf like me, they’re just normal jean

They should make a thing where you can just be in a coma for a while

This ain’t no disco. Ain’t no country club either - me talking to the strung out burglar who just broke into my house moments before he stabs me

How to stop existing

the masculine urge to die violently fighting in battle

I’ve been close friends with this guy for like a year and he is well aware I play in a metal band and he has apparently literally never listened to us until today when he learned our bassist is a super hot dude. I guess these days you gotta use everything you got to get them streams

So last night at the gym I made fun of a sov cit guy and told another guy that if he’s going to school to be a cop he is just in training to be the next wave of brown shirts so anyway I think I need a new gym

Love when a song takes like seven minutes to get to the good part (genuine)

There’s this guy in my office who exclusively listens to classical music because he “doesn’t like music with words” and I’m gonna try to trick him into liking post rock

Can someone please tell me if camo pants are cool again I really can’t tell and I need to know for science

uhhh cried today with a client when I won her everything she needed to start a new life from her abuser some days are better than others

two chances to catch WILBUR coming up if you live in the twin cities and like doom metal

April Fool’s Day is just April Normal Guy’s Day to a mf like me

Oh good it’s the day every brand makes a boring and outdated joke

Jordan Petersen interviewing Dave Matthews: JP: Now, the marching of the ants, is this governed by some hierarchical structure? One supposed it is the ant who wakes up first in the morning who leads them, yes? DM: candyMAN teasING the THOUGHTS of a SWEET TOOTH tortured by WEIGHT loss

Sorry texting a little too fast! 😅 Yeah so we saw a target go in his girlfriend’s building and just collapsed the whole thing down on everyone inside! Oh nice! ❤️✝️👍

Jesus in your name we are trying to execute dozens of innocent people but ALSO a bad guy in there so please pretty please make the bombs hit so good and kill all of them instantly amen

[hegseth] Just CONFIRMED w/CENTCOM we are a GO for mission launch. [friend who once got a text from hegseth where he accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

This is the first of what I think are going to be A LOT of primary challenges along these lines.

Trying to imagine how difficult it would be to have five parents that are completely emotionally unavailable and disappointed in you

When will they invent dog food for men

Kinda unhinged but thinking about seeing how many times I can play the teach me how to dougie instrumental in a row in my office before someone gets mad at me. I think I can hit like twenty

Shout out to Armor for Sleep for selling me a hoodie for sixty dollars in October that, after being worn and washed probably once every three weeks has had all the graphics on it destroyed

Looking back, we all probably should have taken notice when jk Rowling tried to “both sides” slavery in the books…

A.D.I.D.AS. (All Day I Dream About Saosin)

I think disappearing people who are here legally because the state disagreed with their speech is Bad but I don’t have a law degree so what do I know

The only fair way to handle this is to appoint a team of teenagers to tear this company limb from limb until we find out what kind of financial damage they are hiding and where

Listened to a chevelle album today and my phone auto dialed the suicide hotline

WILBUR returns to Minneapolis April 11 with new riffs and new friends at Mortimer’s.

My gf, having just spent 30 minutes finessing her appearance: joining a meeting now babe :) Me, turning on my webcam 10 seconds before my manager joins our 1-1 and seeing myself for the first time that day: damn I look like shit. Hope he looks worse

Very sad to say that the snare tone on Higher by Creed is perfect

okay goodnight everybody

Trying to get people to understand this has made up the past 5 or so years of my career. It's exhausting

Here is the full story. Thank you so much for reading. www.propublica.org/article/eric...

I love spotting two dudes chillin in the wild when one is short and stout and the other is tall and lean. classic henchman vibes

nah wit da nah

I’d rather kill myself

Me on a first date: “Yeah I get people prefer the guitar and rawness on What You Don’t See but Parker’s vocals, melodies, and songwriting are just stronger on Proper Dose and I Want to Disappear, they are much stronger albums… wait, where are you going? I thought you asked what I do for work?”

My advice to disaffected young men is to get a squire p bass and join a band and your whole women only date rich guys reactionary politics vibe will seem pretty silly when a lady breaks up with her real estate boyfriend to date your broke ass

Why did I take this off bandcamp? I did a fucking good job on this youtu.be/mhN1vkxNUTk?...