scrolling through my city's reddit and seeing several "my 14 year old needs to earn" posts and I'm like jeeze we don't have coal mines.

Any K-12 teachers out there, ALDI is doing a giveaway of $2026 gift cards for Teacher Appreciation Week! aldihonorroll.com.

You do not want a taste of his whiskey

Does this mean we might see Spirit Halloween shops open in the former Spirit Airlines ticketing desks?

So back in high school I had a few pairs of pants with button fly instead of a zipper. One day, my girlfriend at the time and I are lying in the grass, and she starts trying to open my fly, but the buttons confuse her. And then I made the critical mistake of laughing. She has a vicious punch.

That is ten seconds too long.

Im standing at the bus depot and because everyone is using the side road to "avoid teaffic", they have created so much traffic no bus can get to the depot.

I'm going to say the truth. Nachos that are just shredded cheese over corn chips under a heat lamp are awful.

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

Looking forward to Little 500 this weekend, where I can watch kids chug 151 like it's kool-aid.

Just placed 3rd of 12 at Strixhaven pre release. Silverqyul was my bomb but the frogs gave everyone existential dread.

My LYFT driver was playing gospel top hits and I think that was appropriate. The way they drove I suspect they will see the pearly gates soon.

As someone who spent years growing up in Virginia, it is nice to see the state entering the 20th century.

Are we ready for the Biggest Most Bountiful Recession.

Today while grocery shopping I found a bunch of the Giy Fieri Flavortown sauces marked down and shelved next to the rat poison.

A board game I ordered in 2024 finally arrived today, but the shipper used FEDEX. So I had to search the entire block to find it since FEDEX can never read the addresses of the buildings they are delivering to.

This what happens in cults of personality instead of institutions of respect and laws.

It's only AMSR if it comes from the AMSR region of France, otherwise it is just sparkling noise.

I mean if FOX News reported it you can take it to the bank.

There is a reason the Shah fell to a populist uprising lead by the clerics.

I usually make my oatmeal in a coffee mug, as I find them faster to clean. Just now I accidentally added coffee to my oatmeal.

Last year Meta reported making over $200 Billion. $375 million is a rounding error on their books.

Soylent coffee is people.

This bat is sick and feels miserable, please do not resuscitate.

Talking with my boss, Boss "they're adults and should be able to handle this." Me "should is such a powerfully conditional word."

I love some of the quirky things that my university does, that I know infuriate the political overlords.

Whitey doesn't know, you never use the product you are trying to hustle.

New wings and feet for Kairo the Bat!

When the face eating leopards start suggesting you use a mustard based skincare product.

Well yeah, bombing a nation flat is what we like to call an unhealth care plan.

Thank you again to @dudeitsdarcy.bsky.social for letting me use the iconic Darcy ™️ for a bat based drawing experiment!!

Still won't be as terrific as the smoothie from my Bass"o'matic

One was an aircraft mechanic in the Navy, his plane went MIA in Alaska during the Cold War. The other worked for AAA verifying maps.

There is little more deadly than the promise of "a short victorious war"

Your call is very important to us, please stay on the line. The next operator will be available in ^^^FOUR HOURS^^^. Thank you.

Can we just start calling Hegseth, Warlord Hegseth? Seriously a Department of Defence give defense upin it's citizens and ideals, a Department of War gives war upon its nation's citizens and ideals.

"No new wars"? That was a typo it was supposed to be "No, new wars"

Jim Crow called, to say "new phone, who is this?"

So am I the only one that thinks the new Fire starter Pokémon looks like a dustmop?

So, he's likely getting a Presidential award for excellence.

Light fixture at work thinks it is rave time.

He also invented the environment and has ridden the mighty moon worm.

I think the Indiana legislature is making a big mistake. Try saying the Hammond Bears, it just does not roll off the lounge, there is no art or whimsy to the name. Now try saying the Gary Bears.

In the 1800s, a slave owner purchased over a dozen people in Georgia and set the foundation for his family’s generational wealth Generations later, a railroad company owned by one of his descendants is using eminent domain to seize land of Black farmers

I mean, the grave is a type of peace.

Tornado time. Me and my coworkers are sheltering in the break room.

I think the Barons have a higher chance to get the Stanley Cup, than Browns taking the Lombardi Trophy, for the next 10 years

I'm eating lunch and coworker passes by. *That looks good what is it?" "Salad and some chicken." "Oh cool did you get it at KFC?" "No, Krogers." The nearest KFC is a half-hour drive away. And I like to cook.