I will never get over the fact that America will fund education, healthcare, and infrastructure overseas while backing systems that exploit folks for their land, labor, and resources — all while siphoning wealth from its own communities, allowing us to suffer in the process.

Folks be happy inside that barrel as long as they can stand on top of somebody else. That’s why you gotta realize when mfs wanna keep you in the same place — because your complacency is essential to their fake ass idea of success. They need you stagnant so they can feel elevated.

11:11

It’s been such a fun time on #fortnite today with the new #Overwatch update.

I’m so excited for this update!

It is by design that we forget we have free will, especially under white supremacy and cisheteropatriarchy. Systems built on domination depend on our disconnection from ourselves. They need our obedience, our self-doubt, and our belief that confinement is natural.

Under these circumstances, I lost sight of the fact that I have the power to choose. I can choose what I want, entertain my desires, and decide what I like or dislike.

What baffles me most is how, in a world where my freedom is constantly being encroached upon—especially as a Black person, a fat person, and someone who has endured all forms of trauma—it is by design that we are made to forget we have free will.

It shows up everywhere. It not only rewires your nervous system, it alters your DNA. Living in hyper vigilance means living in a constant state of inflammation. Brain, heart, gut - lifelong dysfunctions that require monumental intervention to repair.

Mood

Post your warning sign

In order to become a better person, you must first realize how horrible you really are. Not in the dramatic sense, but in the quiet ways you sabotage yourself, repeat unhealthy patterns, hurt people who care about you, or tolerate what wounds you. You cannot grow if you don’t acknowledge it.

🙂

sex without love just doesn’t interest me

Particularly, men. Like they must be terrorized lmao

It’s ironical that you’ve mentioned something about being able to get back into the driver’s seat. To me, I’ve always felt like I was in a spaceship, but on autopilot, then I got hit (after barely recovering from past damage), and lost that ability. I feel like I’ve been crashing for a while now.

All of this talk about grief has brought me here. Wayne experiencing Hurricane Katrina brought him to this point and he defined grief in the only way he could, lyrically and spiritually. When you’ve been through something, these words hit so deeply and differently.

I believe our minds do “go bad.” Grief is trauma, and trauma alters the brain. Memory, focus, regulation, perception—all of it shifts. In many ways, grief belongs under the umbrella of traumatic brain damage bc loss does not just wound emotionally. 1/2

Grief will hijack an already complicated mind and make it feel like the floor keeps moving. If your brain already works differently—through trauma, neurodivergence, whatever—grief doesn’t arrive politely. It crashes in; scrambles time, memory, focus, language, appetite, sleep, & your sense of self.

I learned this during grief therapy. Since my loss, my mind doesn’t operate the way it used to. At times I feel I’m having an out-of-body experience & things don’t correlate. Things I used to trip over don’t affect me the same way, and other things don’t fully make sense anymore. I don’t know.

I have so many holes in my memory because of trauma

I am stalled at $15/$5000. I need $220 for my storage unit to not go to auction by Friday. My rent is still past due by two months. Please send directly (cash gift on Throne or PayPal) linktr.ee/myconfatssions

Too often, folks expect grief to look like sadness, tears, and obvious mourning, but more often than not, it looks like forgetfulness, irritability, brain fog, exhaustion, numbness, missed calls, unfinished tasks, and staring at a wall for hours trying to remember what day it is. 1/3

I don’t think we talk enough about how trauma affects memory loss and how it impacts our cognitive functioning in terms of how we process information and draw conclusions from the data our brains interpret as truth and reality vs what isn’t.

I’m considering going back to finish a degree. I’m 90% sure I’m going to need to be officially diagnosed (neurodivergent) and medicated to actually obtain it.

It’s such a strange feeling when you realize how stacked trauma can become when you’re in the trenches of life. I don’t think we talk enough about the fact that while it can get better, it also can get worse and oftentimes, it gets worse before it gets better.

This real? ☹️

Boyz II Brothers.

We still can’t edit skeets??? This NEEDS to change alr

Black men are often deeply complicit in their own undoing bc so much of their worldview is shaped by internalized anti-Blackness. Misogynoir, patriarchy, proximity to whiteness, the performance of masculinity—all of it becomes a desperate attempt to distance themselves from their own Blackness.

One of the main & manyfold reasons I refuse to ever engage with popular American sports in general is because of the pointed & expansive continuum of white predation upon Black bodies, and the weird epigenetic attachments to chattel slavery that all of it stems from. Immediate multifold ICK!!! 😷

If I make it out of this part of my life alive, just know ima be on you mfs necks like that hyperpigmentation. (Lmao but seriously)

Song been in my Spirit all day.

Life is a lot. We don’t have to be productive, healing, progressing all the time. Let’s allow ourselves space to just exist

The storage unit that houses majority of my belongings is now 21 days past due. Access has been deactivated and it’s at-risk of going to auction by 05/14. $220 brings it current. Anything helps! #mutualaid #helpsky CA: $Loungin41 PayPal: linktr.ee/myconfatssions throne.com/myconfatssio...

Anyways… I’m in love with a new game. #Fortnite has become a way for me to have some virtual fun in this hellscape of a country. Here’s a clip of me fucking shit up yesterday. Lmao #gamergirl #shooting

Our brains operate socialization logically, via association. We communicate and think by relating the convo we’re having to a conversation, situation, or experience that happened previously to process how we should think, feel, or respond to what we’re being told. It is NOT self absorption.

When you’re telling a Neurospicy about something that happened to you and we respond with “I get it, I also blah blah blah” That is NOT us making everything about us. That IS us trying to show you we relate to your experience by showing a parallel experience to ourselves.

😒

Again (but I'm not)

Manipulation has been made so ordinary that y’all don’t even recognize it when it’s speaking through you. Listen to the language—ask yourself whose tongue that is. And if you swear it is your own, why does it sound so familiar to those who have tried to make harm admissible by calling it sacrifice?

Nobody is denying that parents are the reason we exist. That’s biology, not revelation. The issue is when folks use that fact like it’s some moral loophole that excuses harm. And telling folks that they can either unalive themselves or “get into their existence” is some wildly irresponsible shit.

Survival is not proof of tenderness. Presence is not proof of love. And lineage alone does not absolve violence.

You are being willfully ignorant and obtuse to the response you’re getting for this wildly ignorant take. Existence is not the same thing as care, love, or rightful gratitude. Y’all love to weaponize biology as though the mere act of giving birth erases harm, neglect, abuse, or estrangement.

Telling folks who have poor relationships with their mothers that they “wouldn’t be here without a mother” is not the flex you think it is. That’s like a White person telling your Black ass that you wouldn’t exist if they didn’t steal and traumatize your Ancestors for you to be here.

This is such a narcissistic take on why folks have strained or nonexistent relationships with their birth mothers. It’s also rooted in misogyny and it is quite telling of the lack of your emotional depth to understand such a dynamic between mothers and the children who rightfully dislike them.

11:11