Legions of scientists all across the world have toiled for decades to find the cause of autism, but the guy with brain worms who picks up roadkill cracked the code in 6 months. Got it.

Starting my response with this anytime someone asks me a question about Star Wars, GoT, Whiskey etc from here on out.

Jesus, get Austin off the field.

Aroldis Chapman needs to be studied by science

Pats out here with more flags than a MAGA rally

“This halftime show sucks”

Death, taxes and Cam Newton dressing like an absolute dickhead.

MSR Wilshire...this is art

If Elon wants the total American experience, then he too must be screwed over by the US government. It a rite of passage, pal.

His body will lie in state at the Memphis airport for three days, then be delivered to its final resting place via Columbia, MO; Trenton, NJ; Springfield, MA; Charleston, SC; Bakersfield, CA; Trenton again for some reason; and will then register as "out for delivery" indefinitely.

it’s even more demoralizing when the history you’re repeating is history you were around for the first time

Kim Jong-Un is watching this abysmal parade and cracking up as he sips a $4,000 cognac.

We used to be neighbors with Julian Edelman in Boston and he and I watched my wife HOPELESSLY attempt to parallel park one time and cracked up.

Hometown elections were tonight, and the town told every single maga candidate to get bent. Proud as fuck.

Can we stop it now with the raw meat smushed onto a tortilla and cooked on one side nonsense?

I don’t care if you’re black, white, brown, yellow, purple - at the end of the day there’s only ONE race and that’s the human race. BE HUMAN. Practice humanity.

Gotta feel for Sinner on that one. Brutal.

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

This feels like Alien vs Sexual Predator

If your entire social media presence is smashing chicken tenders into sauce cups so it spills everywhere, I don’t think you need to put out a cookbook.

Just found out that Theo Von is FORTY-FIVE YEARS OLD and holy fuck is his schtick so much more embarrassing now.

The new pope has tasted Malort before

Totally forgot how good season one of The Terror was. Just some peak TV and i feel like it gets no credit.

Where do I sign up to never see the Liberty Biberty guy ever again?

RORY

The 10 year being ABOVE the level where these dumbasses felt they needed to break the glass on tariffs the other day, and nobody talking about it is insane.

If the Dow breaks 3,000 on the day, I genuinely don’t think we’ll ever heard the end of it from these morons. Regardless of how many times you tell them the market is STILL cratered from a month ago.

That was some next level groveling from Gary Friedman on Mad Money @carlquintanilla.bsky.social Just on his knees BEGGING for some kind of bailout from Don.

I love this Celtics team so much

HR is typing up a diabolical email to Ray Ferraro right now lol

Avenue 5 being cancelled after two seasons remains one of the all-time fuckups from studios. It was funny at the time, but it has aged like a fine wine.

🚨jersey giveaway🚨 giving away all jerseys pictured. rover moon XL, all other jerseys L. bottom 3 embroidered. to enter: - repost - follow myself & @shopbanner18.bsky.social - comment/QT which jersey you want tomorrow i’ll randomly pick a winner for each jersey! go c’s ☘️

Mahomes rn

The hell is Tom Cruise doing here?

I always get annoyed that arugula costs like $6, until I open it and realize that there’s 700 salads worth in each container.

Anyone got any tips on what the best paint to huff is? Need something a bit stronger than Bourbon these days.

We’re very much in the “fiddling while Rome burns” stage, but it’s all of us fiddling and Nero is having a fucking blast.

If anyone is looking for a great way to “detach” from the insanity that is life nowadays. Eat a few gummies and watch the OG Planet Earth in a dark room. Truly hits different.

If people wanna protest and tear down the establishment, I’m game. If people want to breathlessly post “ThEy CaNt Do ThAt!!” for four more years, count me the fuck out.

Just don’t shut down the post office until the rest of my cigars get here, you dickheads.

NO COFFEE NO PEACE NO COFFEE NO PEACE

Nothing will ever be weirder than sportscasters being apparently forced at gunpoint to wear American flag lapel pins.

@gravitysra1nbow.bsky.social has the opportunity to do the funniest thing imaginable right now

Elon Musk looks like you asked someone to draw Matt Stafford from memory.

Trump wanting Greenland because he doesn’t understand how Mercator Projections work, is so stupid it’s physically painful.

@nfloncbs.bsky.social show the Krafts owners box, you cowards.

If Robert Kraft isn’t dialing the phone right now to fire Mayo, I don’t even know what we’re doing out here anymore.