Travelling today? Please read my friendly, helpful guide. open.substack.com/pub/donotbea...

My friendly, helpful guide to life - Do not be an arsehole - is now on Substack. Enjoy. @substack donotbeanarsehole.substack.com/p/do-not-be-...

Great piece. My design to solve the cabana-ing of Australian beaches. www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/li...

Why the actual proverbial would you go today? #FFS

BREAKING: Donald Trump has awarded himself the 2026 Wimbledon ladies’ singles championship.

BREAKING: Donald Trump has declared himself Best in Show at the 2026 Crufts dog show.

“The one thing that unites the extreme left, the extreme right and the just plain bonkers is that they can all get their hands on a gun with ease – and there is little sign of that changing.” Well said. @michaelkoziol.bsky.social @sydmorningherald.bsky.social

The ever-brilliant Marina Hyde bending it like the proverbial. @theguardian.com

My friendly, helpful advice for corporate types: Do not be an arsehole CEO: "Do not cheat on your wife with your HR chief and get caught on the kiss-cam."

The typhoon that hit Hong Kong on Sunday morning was classified as a “10”. This is as high as it gets. It doesn’t go to a Spinal Tap 11. #TyphoonWipha

Death by mushroom. Life imitates a Midsomer Murders episode. Again. (Destroying Angel, series 4, episode 2)

"Oops. The Hour of Power Sydney toilet-jokes format on KIIS caused the pair to take a colossal gutser in Melbourne from the start." Great piece by Tony Wright. @sydmorningherald.bsky.social

Good to see Melbournians aren’t interested in the work experience Howard Stern circa late 80s.

My friendly, helpful guide on how to behave at an airport: Do not be an arsehole at an airport. #travel

I had a similar cricket injury to Steve Smith's. A bloke also offered to put my finger back in. The difference is he'd had several thousand beers. I gratefully declined. #WIvAUS

Thankfully, the brilliant Marina Hyde knows exactly what the fuck she's doing. @theguardian.com

The alleged break in the ceasefire reminds me of the stoning scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian. "Who threw that?"

I wish Trump would call a ceasefire on his bizarre use of capital letters.

His Holiness has been rather busy. #ENGvIND

I would rather have four-hour root canal therapy (again) than endure the Miranda Devine podcast. @meadea.bsky.social

I would rather have four-hour root canal therapy (again) than watch Bride Hard.

Good thing there’s a comma in this sentence.

6-28. What you call a captain’s knock. @cricketaustralia.bsky.social #WTC25

I'm confused. Does the "nude artist" create artwork of nude people, or does she create her art while nude?

Australians looking at the contract, which contains more terms, conditions and exclusions than a 50% off sale at Harvey Norman, determined that the deal was, “definitely, absolutely and categorically America First”.

This is AUKWARD. www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...

"10 News+"? Must have been a very long meeting for the creative boffins to come up with that.

This is AUKWARD. #auspol

Even Derek Zoolander of the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too wouldn’t have given a bill such a ridiculous name. @benstiller.redhour.com

In the words of legendary newsman Ron Burgundy, "That escalated quickly." #GlassCaseOfEmotion

These cockatoos could give Todd Carney a lesson in the correct use of a bubbler. #NRL

Her TripAdvisor review for Greece, “NO TOAD IN THE HOLE OR SPOTTED DICK!! ONE STAR!!” #FFS #travel

Now THIS is how you write a food review. In which a DILF Hunter cap meets Dad and Dave and a “chef spraying skewers with Sandhurst Canola in a can”, all set to a jazzpop-electro-doof soundtrack. @sydmorningherald.bsky.social

“Hey Siri… what is an ‘absolute shitshow’?”

Jargon isn’t BS filler—it’s actionable, moves the needle, and empowers ninjas across the food chain. Without it, how else do we boil the ocean or trim the fat? @kirstinferguson.bsky.social

“While Minns’ housing solution is out the window, racing will go on, the grandstands populated during carnival time and mostly empty at others.” Says it all.

We've had a late scratching...

Edge-of-the-seat stuff.

Hardly “insane”. These morons just need to sit the f*ck down.

Should I be giving Twitter the last rites? I am an ordained atheist reverend.

"Classy response" about Biden's cancer diagnosis? So we should be applauding Trump for not using "Crooked Joe", "Sleepy Joe" or "Crazy Joe"? WTAF.

“My motto is ‘accept, adjust, adapt’. The key is to be able to accept something that can’t be changed. Only then will you find some peace.” An incredibly moving and inspiring chat between the wonderful John Shakespeare and @peterfitz1.bsky.social

“Bare beating”-whatever the f*ck that’s supposed to mean, is in the same STFU category as speaker phone calls in public. edition.cnn.com/2025/05/17/t...

That’s White Lotus season 4 sorted.

Making Qatar great again.

“But it was a political operation that was operating on the fumes of the past. All these references to John Howard and so forth ...” Good chat between @markgkenny.bsky.social and @peterfitz1.bsky.social

White smoke from Callide B power station signals that the Liberal party has chosen a new leader. #auspol

"In my experience, Leos cant be trusted." Read more: chaser.com.au/general-news...

cancelling the new pope because of old tweets

Trump congratulates "one of my favourite actors" on being elected Pope. #PopeLeo