The Shovel
@theshovel.bsky.social
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News you can believe in. Read more at theshovel.com.au
Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/05/20/l...
about 3 hours ago
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Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/22/a...
about 9 hours ago
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Katter marched directly to Canberra Airport, muttering angrily about âgotcha journalismâ and âpolitical correctness gone mad".
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/22/b...
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Bob Katter Deports Himself After Calling for Middle East Migration Ban â The Shovel
Katter marched directly to Canberra Airport, muttering angrily about âgotcha journalismâ and âpolitical correctness gone mad".
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/22/bob-katter-deports-himself-after-calling-for-middle-east-migration-ban/
about 10 hours ago
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Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/21/s...
1 day ago
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Pollsters within the party are currently on their toes testing groundbreaking new counting methods.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/20/o...
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Rise in Polls Sees One Nation Forced To Move On From Traditional Finger Counting Technique â The Shovel
Following a surprising surge in the partyâs popularity, internal pollsters at One Nation have been forced to move on from tracking their primary vote with their fingers. According to the latest polls,...
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/20/one-nation-poll-counting-technique/
2 days ago
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Tennis Australia has confirmed it has finally nailed the full Ticketmaster experience in a live setting, with thousands of fans at Melbourne Park spending hours standing still, trying unsuccessfully to refresh themselves and slowly going mad.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/20/a...
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Australian Open Successfully Replicates Ticketmaster Digital Queue Management Experience for On-Ground Entry â The Shovel
Tennis Australia has confirmed it has finally nailed the full Ticketmaster experience in a live setting, with thousands of fans at Melbourne Park spending hours standing still, trying unsuccessfully t...
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/20/australian-open-replicates-ticketmaster-digital-queue-management-experience/
2 days ago
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âI just assumed that, like everything else in my life, this Change The Date thing would leave me alone eventually,â complained the Cronulla man.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/19/w...
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âWhy Wonât This Australia Day Debate Just Go Away Like My Friends, Family, and Ex Wife Did?â Asks Guy With Southern Cross Face Tattoo â The Shovel
As the national debate to change Australia Day heats up for another year, one man with a Southern Cross face tattoo is wondering why the whole thing hasnât just disappeared like all his friends, famil...
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/19/why-wont-this-australia-day-debate-just-go-away-like-my-friends-family-and-ex-wife-did-asks-guy-with-southern-cross-face-tattoo/
3 days ago
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âWe know Mr Trump is looking to take over a cold, remote, largely uninhabited island. Hereâs a chance to snap up two,â a spokesperson for the deal said. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/01/08/a...
3 days ago
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âWhen it happens in Minnesota itâs called âlaw and orderâ; when it happens in Iran itâs a war crime" Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/15/t...
7 days ago
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The White House has flagged the situation as an amazing opportunity for the Iranian people to do something that could bring joy to countless fossil fuel executives.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/14/t...
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Trump Promises To Restore Peace to Iran Oil Industry â The Shovel
Peacemaker Donald Trump has encouraged protesters in Iran to continue revolting against their government, vowing that soon the US will help restore peace to Iranâs oil industry. As the Middle Eastern...
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/14/trump-promises-to-restore-peace-to-iran-oil-industry/
8 days ago
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Rudd explained his resignation was âpunctiliously evaluated for optimal bi-lateral efficacy, following appropriate processes and natural complementarity, as a vital repudiation to the contemporary proclivities of the residing executive branch.â Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/13/r...
9 days ago
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The organisers say they are committed to delivering a grammatically-correct event, rebranding the festival to reflect the number of authors now involved.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/13/a...
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Adelaide Writersâ Week Relaunches As Adelaide Writerâs Week After All But One Author Pull Out â The Shovel
The organisers of Adelaideâs fast-disappearing writing festival say they are committed to delivering a grammatically-correct event, rebranding the festival to reflect the number of authors now involve...
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/13/adelaide-writers-week-relaunches/
9 days ago
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$100,000 would cover an American doctor briefly asking, âSo what brings you in today?â before referring the patient to a specialist who is not covered by their insurance. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/12/t...
10 days ago
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"We tend to find that sending out âthoughts and prayersâ and saying ânow is not the time to talk about thisâ is a more efficient way to learn from our mass shootingsâ.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/12/a...
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American Confused How Australia Has Time To Have Royal Commission After Every Mass Shooting â The Shovel
"We tend to find that sending out âthoughts and prayersâ and saying ânow is not the time to talk about thisâ is a more efficient way to learn from our mass shootingsâ.
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/12/american-confused-how-australia-royal-commission-after-every-mass-shooting/
10 days ago
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England captain Ben Stokes said the team had been careful not to breach the six-month single-employer rule.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/09/e...
13 days ago
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âHeâs not bogged down by details. He just knows what he wants and follows his nose,â one MAGA fan said.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/08/d...
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Donald Trump Jr Proposes Invading Colombia Next and Stealing Whatever They Produce â The Shovel
âTheyâve got resources. Tremendous resources,â Trump Jr said, sniffing loudly for unrelated reasons.
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/08/donald-trump-jr-proposes-invading-colombia/
14 days ago
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âWhat happened to Eleven? Where were the Demogorgons in the final battle? Is Byler canon? The Australian public deserves to know,â said the PM.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/07/a...
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Albanese Says Heâs Open to a Royal Commission Into Stranger Thingsâ Ending â The Shovel
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has made a major backflip, announcing heâs open to a Royal Commission into the series finale of Stranger Things. âThe Australian public is right to demand answers, and...
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/07/albanese-royal-commission-stranger-things/
15 days ago
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âNot a lot of people know this, but until I bought it today, Greenland was actually a territory of Nigeria, not Denmark,â Trump said in a post on Truth Social.
theshovel.com.au/2025/01/07/n...
15 days ago
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âWhen they said âprivate jetâ, âno phonesâ, âNew York billionaireâ and âweâll explain laterâ, I assumed it was going that way,â Maduro said.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/06/m...
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Maduro Relieved He Wasnât Expected To Fuck Trump After Secret Flight on Private Jet â The Shovel
âWhen they said âprivate jetâ, âno phonesâ, âNew York billionaireâ and âweâll explain laterâ, I assumed it was going that way"
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/06/maduro-relieved-he-wasnt-expected-to-fck-trump/
16 days ago
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"At least Maduro wasn't on the Epstein List," said one Caracas â now Car-a-Lago â local.
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/06/v...
16 days ago
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âIâm not racist or anything, I just think they're loud and annoying and shouldnât be allowed in America,â said the man who last saw a map in third grade.Â
theshovel.com.au/2026/01/05/m...
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MAGA Diehard Supports Trumpâs Invasion of Vuvuzela â The Shovel
Following the USâs capture and arrest of NicolĂĄs Maduro, Trumpâs supporters have shown their inconceivable understanding of all the non-American parts of the world. MAGA loyalists such as Cleetus Dray...
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/05/maga-diehard-supports-invasion-of-vuvuzela/
17 days ago
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We called this in November
17 days ago
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FIFA said invading a sovereign nation and forcefully removing its leader was exactly the type of peace they had in mind when awarding the prize.
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FIFA Peace Prize Recipient Peacefully Starts New War â The Shovel
FIFA said invading a sovereign nation and forcefully removing its leader was exactly the type of peace they had in mind when awarding the prize.
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/05/fifa-peace-prize-recipient-peacefully-starts-new-war/
17 days ago
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Trump Says US Will Occupy Venezuela for As Long as It Takes To Distract From Epstein Files
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Trump Says US Will Occupy Venezuela for As Long as It Takes To Distract From Epstein Files â The Shovel
Pentagon sources said several alternative distractions were considered, including declaring war on TikTok, arresting the moon, and releasing a new line of Trump NFTs, before settling on Venezuela as â...
https://theshovel.com.au/2026/01/04/trump-occupy-venezuela-distract-from-epstein-files/
18 days ago
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A Melbourne man says this year will be the year he stops getting uptight about grammar, errors.
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Man Resolves to be Fewer Pedantic About Grammar This Year â The Shovel
"I'm totally relaxed about, it"
https://theshovel.com.au/2023/01/03/man-resolves-to-be-fewer-pedantic-about-grammar-this-year/
20 days ago
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With just hours until the end of the year, fathers across the country were today preparing ways to slip their hilarious âsee you next yearâ joke into their conversations on New Yearâs Eve. Full details:
theshovel.com.au/2024/12/29/nations-dad-start-preparing-see-you-next-year-jokes/
22 days ago
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Under the eviction order, Andrew has been offered smaller public accommodation nearby, believed to be the Frogmore Cottage complex, previously occupied by another young couple forced to leave after âdifferences with managementâ. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/10/31/m...
22 days ago
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âWeâre sick of these people coming here and changing things,â one protester said, before listing 48 things he would like to see change. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/09/02/i...
23 days ago
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âAutism from Panadol Rapid takes effect twice as fast as regular Panadol,â Kennedy Jr said through his interpreter. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/09/23/w...
24 days ago
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âYour behaviour shows the highest of contempt for all that our society holds sacred; it is morally reprehensible,â the judge told the two dozen podcasters inside Erinâs courtroom. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/08/26/e...
26 days ago
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âWeâre predicting him to get somewhere between level three and the Channel 7 blimp,â one observer said. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/08/14/s...
27 days ago
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In 2019 Claus wrote on Twitter: âJust checked the naughty list. Trump isnât on it because fuckwits require a separate category."
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/26/s...
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Santa Denied Entry to US After Posting on Social Media That Trump Is a Fuckwit â The Shovel
In 2019 he wrote on Twitter: âJust checked the naughty list. Trump isnât on it because fuckwits require a separate categoryâ.
https://theshovel.com.au/2025/12/26/santa-denied-entry-to-us-social-media/
27 days ago
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âI have no idea why he avoided them. I put them on a special plate, just so I knew they werenât for me,â said an upset Patterson. Read the full story:
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/24/s...
29 days ago
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âThe only thing that would make me more attracted to Sydney was if she were my daughter,â said the President. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/08/05/t...
29 days ago
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âI thought I was listening to a ceremonial military band. Turns out it was just Trump yelling about Hillary Clintonâs emails." Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/07/28/b...
about 1 month ago
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In a difficult but ultimately necessary family conversation, parents across England have begun sitting their children down to explain that, despite what they may have heard on television and social media, Bazball is actually just something adults made up.
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English Parents Decide Itâs Time To Tell Their Kids That Bazball Isnât Real â The Shovel
In a difficult but ultimately necessary family conversation, parents across England have begun sitting their children down to explain that, despite what they may have heard on television and social me...
https://theshovel.com.au/2025/12/22/english-parents-time-to-tell-kids-that-bazball-isnt-real/
about 1 month ago
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Costs are expected to blow out, as more spending is required to train elite personnel to drive a manual car. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/07/01/n...
about 1 month ago
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Channel Nine tastefully covered the Papal election, plunging unsuccessful cardinals into a Dunk Tank. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/05/09/n...
about 1 month ago
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Howard reminded Australians that creating unity is vital during times of national grief, but turning people against each other for political gain is often easier.
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/19/h...
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Howard Reassures Australians That No Matter How Divided We Feel in This Moment, He Can Always Divide Us More â The Shovel
John Howard has moved to calm a tense and fractured nation, reassuring Australians that while the current levels of social, cultural and political division may feel unprecedented, he remains available...
https://theshovel.com.au/2025/12/19/howard-reassures-australians-he-can-always-divide-us-more/
about 1 month ago
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Like the Liberal Partyâs governing style, the vehicle arrived unannounced, massively inconvenienced everyone, broke a whole heap of shit and then left. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/04/23/l...
about 1 month ago
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âChrist, is everyone going to tell me what to do with this kid? First an angel, and now some guy with a brain worm? Give me a fucking break,â said the Blessed Mother.
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/18/v...
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Virgin Mary Condemned for Taking Tylenol During Pregnancy â The Shovel
The holy Saint Mary has been criticised by the US Department of Health & Human Services for putting the birth of Christ at risk by taking Tylenol during her pregnancy. Mary, age usually omitted, was ...
https://theshovel.com.au/2025/12/18/virgin-mary-condemned-for-taking-tylenol-during-pregnancy/
about 1 month ago
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He said that if he is ever invited back, he will make sure to urinate on the carpet and loot the building before meeting with the President. âI just want to show my respectâ. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/03/01/z...
about 1 month ago
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England's cricket team say their relaxing golf holiday in Noosa has been âcompletely derailedâ by the sudden and unexpected requirement to play cricket today.
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/17/e...
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Golf Trip Rudely Interrupted by Cricket Match â The Shovel
A relaxing golf getaway in Noosa has been âcompletely derailedâ by the sudden and unexpected requirement to play cricket.
https://theshovel.com.au/2025/12/17/england-golf-trip-rudely-interrupted-by-cricket-match/
about 1 month ago
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Customs officials have been given the green light to use lethal force on any teens they suspect may have photoshopped JD Vance. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/13/a...
about 1 month ago
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The nation said they would try not to reintroduce the devastating disease, but if they did, it was a small price to pay for owning the libs. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/02/25/g...
about 1 month ago
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The White House said it wanted a typeface that more closely aligned with the decorum, direction and values of the Trump Administration.
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/12/w...
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White House Confirms All Future Communications To Be in Comic Sans â The Shovel
In a statement today, the White House said it wanted a typeface that more closely aligned with the decorum, direction and values of the Trump Administration.
https://theshovel.com.au/2025/12/12/white-house-confirms-all-future-communications-to-be-in-comic-sans/
about 1 month ago
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âMillions of Aussie teens are going to wake up each morning without an unintentional briefing on the bombing of Yemen â that's a huge national risk," warned one security expert.
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/11/s...
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Fears Social Media Ban Could Stop Aussie Teens Receiving Updates From Pete Hegseth on Classified US Military Operations â The Shovel
âMillions of Aussie teens are going to wake up each morning without an unintentional briefing on the bombing of Yemen"
https://theshovel.com.au/2025/12/11/social-media-ban-stop-teens-updates-from-pete-hegseth/
about 1 month ago
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âWell⊠we found ways to keep busy,â 74-year-old Bob said, at a pre-Christmas lunch attended by seventeen of his children.
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/11/k...
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Kid With 38 Aunts and Uncles Asks Grandparents How They Used To Spend Their Time Before Social Media â The Shovel
âWell⊠we found ways to keep busy"
https://theshovel.com.au/2025/12/11/kid-with-38-uncles-grandparents-before-social-media/
about 1 month ago
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Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/12/11/r...
about 1 month ago
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âYou could of course experiment with other lower-quality products made locally in the US, but youâd risk looking fucking ridiculous," said Albo. Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/02/11/t...
about 1 month ago
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