England captain Ben Stokes said the team had been careful not to breach the six-month single-employer rule. theshovel.com.au/2026/01/09/e...

“He’s not bogged down by details. He just knows what he wants and follows his nose,” one MAGA fan said. theshovel.com.au/2026/01/08/d...

“What happened to Eleven? Where were the Demogorgons in the final battle? Is Byler canon? The Australian public deserves to know,” said the PM. theshovel.com.au/2026/01/07/a...

“Not a lot of people know this, but until I bought it today, Greenland was actually a territory of Nigeria, not Denmark,” Trump said in a post on Truth Social. theshovel.com.au/2025/01/07/n...

“When they said ‘private jet’, ‘no phones’, ‘New York billionaire’ and ‘we’ll explain later’, I assumed it was going that way,” Maduro said. theshovel.com.au/2026/01/06/m...

"At least Maduro wasn't on the Epstein List," said one Caracas — now Car-a-Lago — local. theshovel.com.au/2026/01/06/v...

“I’m not racist or anything, I just think they're loud and annoying and shouldn’t be allowed in America,” said the man who last saw a map in third grade.  theshovel.com.au/2026/01/05/m...

We called this in November

FIFA said invading a sovereign nation and forcefully removing its leader was exactly the type of peace they had in mind when awarding the prize.

Trump Says US Will Occupy Venezuela for As Long as It Takes To Distract From Epstein Files

A Melbourne man says this year will be the year he stops getting uptight about grammar, errors.

With just hours until the end of the year, fathers across the country were today preparing ways to slip their hilarious ‘see you next year’ joke into their conversations on New Year’s Eve. Full details: theshovel.com.au/2024/12/29/nations-dad-start-preparing-see-you-next-year-jokes/

Under the eviction order, Andrew has been offered smaller public accommodation nearby, believed to be the Frogmore Cottage complex, previously occupied by another young couple forced to leave after ‘differences with management’. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/10/31/m...

“We’re sick of these people coming here and changing things,” one protester said, before listing 48 things he would like to see change. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/09/02/i...

“Autism from Panadol Rapid takes effect twice as fast as regular Panadol,” Kennedy Jr said through his interpreter. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/09/23/w...

“Your behaviour shows the highest of contempt for all that our society holds sacred; it is morally reprehensible,” the judge told the two dozen podcasters inside Erin’s courtroom. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/08/26/e...

“We’re predicting him to get somewhere between level three and the Channel 7 blimp,” one observer said. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/08/14/s...

In 2019 Claus wrote on Twitter: “Just checked the naughty list. Trump isn’t on it because fuckwits require a separate category." theshovel.com.au/2025/12/26/s...

“I have no idea why he avoided them. I put them on a special plate, just so I knew they weren’t for me,” said an upset Patterson. Read the full story: theshovel.com.au/2025/12/24/s...

“The only thing that would make me more attracted to Sydney was if she were my daughter,” said the President. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/08/05/t...

“I thought I was listening to a ceremonial military band. Turns out it was just Trump yelling about Hillary Clinton’s emails." Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/07/28/b...

In a difficult but ultimately necessary family conversation, parents across England have begun sitting their children down to explain that, despite what they may have heard on television and social media, Bazball is actually just something adults made up.

Costs are expected to blow out, as more spending is required to train elite personnel to drive a manual car. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/07/01/n...

Channel Nine tastefully covered the Papal election, plunging unsuccessful cardinals into a Dunk Tank. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/05/09/n...

Howard reminded Australians that creating unity is vital during times of national grief, but turning people against each other for political gain is often easier. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/19/h...

Like the Liberal Party’s governing style, the vehicle arrived unannounced, massively inconvenienced everyone, broke a whole heap of shit and then left. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/04/23/l...

“Christ, is everyone going to tell me what to do with this kid? First an angel, and now some guy with a brain worm? Give me a fucking break,” said the Blessed Mother. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/18/v...

He said that if he is ever invited back, he will make sure to urinate on the carpet and loot the building before meeting with the President. “I just want to show my respect”. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/03/01/z...

England's cricket team say their relaxing golf holiday in Noosa has been “completely derailed” by the sudden and unexpected requirement to play cricket today. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/17/e...

Customs officials have been given the green light to use lethal force on any teens they suspect may have photoshopped JD Vance. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/12/13/a...

The nation said they would try not to reintroduce the devastating disease, but if they did, it was a small price to pay for owning the libs. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/02/25/g...

The White House said it wanted a typeface that more closely aligned with the decorum, direction and values of the Trump Administration. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/12/w...

“Millions of Aussie teens are going to wake up each morning without an unintentional briefing on the bombing of Yemen — that's a huge national risk," warned one security expert. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/11/s...

“Well… we found ways to keep busy,” 74-year-old Bob said, at a pre-Christmas lunch attended by seventeen of his children. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/11/k...

Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/12/11/r...

“You could of course experiment with other lower-quality products made locally in the US, but you’d risk looking fucking ridiculous," said Albo. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/02/11/t...

Genealogists are baffled as to how the massive spike in births 100-plus years ago went completely undocumented. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/10/t...

The 15-year-old can't use TikTok, but is comforted by the fact he’ll be old enough to watch a thousand ads from Sportsbet about the latest odds at Randwick. theshovel.com.au/2024/11/11/t...

The man said existing Los Angeles residents would be asked to find somewhere to live in Mexico. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/02/07/p...

Analysts say Qantas shares jumped the moment Wells typed “New York fli –” into a government laptop. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/09/q...

His staff said he was checking flights to see how quickly he could get there. “To get to Waikiki of course. He’ll get to LA as soon as the clean-up effort has finished”. theshovel.com.au/2025/01/15/s...

Unaccustomed to choosing one thing and remaining loyal to it, the man asked if there was a chance the party could change its name to 'One Nation That Everyone Knows About But Also A Secret Second Nation On The Side'.

Hanson has fallen one spot since last month. Malcolm Roberts – who believes the Government is trying to control him through the use of grammar – has retained first spot. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/08/p...

Though the start of 2025 feels like a distant lifetime, experts have informed us that it was only 11 months ago. So in honour of this horrifying fact we're looking back at some of our top headlines from the year. Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/01/31/d...

When asked why she didn’t share her Spotify Wrapped, Ley explained, “All my top artists were the standard unproblematic ones that everyone loves, like Michael Jackson, Kanye, and Rolf Harris.” theshovel.com.au/2025/12/06/s...

Donald Trump is on the cover of our 2025 Annual, and honestly it looks incredible. People are saying it’s the best Annual they’ve ever seen. They've never seen anything like it. A lot of people are talking about it You should get a copy here: theshovel.bigcartel.com/product/the-shovel-annual-2025

“There’s certainly a history there of collapsing under pressure, especially under lights. And England has a tendency to collapse too, but usually not quite so spectacularly,” analyst Mark Harrow said. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/04/d...

Authorities confirmed after a thorough investigation that they found no illegal substances, only several tonnes of ethically sourced fruit and a mute dinosaur in a tutu. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/03/w...

Read more: theshovel.com.au/2025/12/03/l...

Since its release, Trump has reminded his supporters that the list is a hoax used by parents to make children behave, and that there is no such thing as Jeffrey Epstein. theshovel.com.au/2025/12/01/s...