if i were an actor in a Serious western trying to make a horse slow down I would say "whooooaH" in a way that would make you truly spellbound

icing my dearest bro with a zima I found cleaning out my dead grandpas house

you want my opinion? there needs to be a tv show about rich people being stupid

Feel the Ions with Pepsi Exxtra Sodium

really concerned about this LIV golf situation. the golf as we know it could be a thing... Of the past

see what happens is when you eat and breathe you accidentally swallow a lot of air. and then first thing in the morning that atmosphere all squeezes past your butt

you know what rocks is Stockpiling Goods. oh the Iran war is launching the price of exotic reptiles? not for me jackass i’m still coasting off a 2023 purchase 400 knob tailed geckos

starting a business with a giant lifelike robot python that you can feed yourself to

I dislike "wrestling" but enjoy "wrasselin", if that makes sense. these guys need to be OAFS

WARNING: i'm takin life by the horns

found the bbb's in a MOST unexpected locale... And at a fair price to boot.....

I'm getting into fights. but I am also going through fights, and reaching the outer margins of fighting

cool van on 39th

we do love seeds

pouring some gin over two golf balls

if I were the shah over there? if I was pullin the strings. well I might not open that strait just yet. but I guess nobody cares what I think

*releases 5 roadrunners into your kitchen*

poopin like there is NO tomorrow (exactly the same as if there were a tomorrow)

I got a real Ruth's chris on about ciderhouse rules or vanderpump rules served up in proper ogre voice

cttp that's for California technology turtle pool

me: what was up with Dave anyway wife: Dave who me: the adult man who owned and abused the singing boy chipmunks wife: are you doing midweek bongs again

A worker died at an Amazon warehouse in Oregon last week. For more than an hour, workers were instructed to continue working as the man lay dead. One worker wanted to help, but a manager told them to “Just turn around and not look. Let’s get back to work," according to @thewesternedge.bsky.social.

donald trum has been sealed inside a shard of mirror

leaving the house at midnight for a 8 am flight that arrives at 6am. I guess the plan is to pound beers immediately

Markets are reading the US demands that Israel lay off Lebanon as "they'll give Iran whatever they want".

be cool if anyone were able to an entire UFC arena

ONE TIME i was hanging out with this lady and she yelled at the actual mulder from X-files and it was so loud that mulder turned and looked right at her

ya got two weeks for russia to sneak ya some nukes, then ride it out for a few months until the US implodes. entire world wins

i am tired of ne'er-do-wells. and i am tired of ruffians

tbh my pump needed a bit of relief. from all this recent pain at it

its right here on the invite mate. MORTAL combat. no gods

GONE are the days of whites-only golf balls. players clubbing the golf's ball of today can choose from a plethora of rainbowic colleurs, except black or the color of lawn

naming a big fucjked up crater after my deceased wife martha mergatroyd

im bringing hasty back. this summer... lets DO get too hasty

it would be scary if The Blob was real. would not need a blob to deal with rn

"peace in the middle east" - DJ mellowcreme pump

i've already got 2 april fools simply by setting my fb birthday incorrectly

if we send you the president hogtied in a kennel cage will you please let 100 ships through for free iran: ok the president and his entire cabinet and children, final offer

building a huge gold tower that has a clock on it and calling it "big benjamin". whoops its time to drink some real sugary hot tea again which i drink through my teeth

it is the dream of all live music aficionados to acquire the coveted "back stage pass"

mr president the global economy needs you to tweet that you are choking to death on a shrimp tail

car horn that plays heyyyyyduuuuude.wav

this is how i used to dress for work conferences. and i tell ya its taken me to the top, top TOP

to me NO part of the body is a "nether region"