Vyl: *is a perfect little soft bean whomstsis almost pathologically conflict averse* Vyl's friends: OI I'HMMA BUST U AHP PLUM THUMB! N'DEN I'MMA WEAH YOUR CLOTHES!

Me: Yeah we're flying out to visit Polycule West. Them: Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down? (This even being a member of that polycule whomst's familiar with The Chart.)

>Constantly hearing about how the other team is completing these upgrades way faster than I am >When am I gonna pump up these rookie numbers >Incident report comes out that some Bad Shit happened because the other team did an upgrade real sloppy

Hey brain you came up with that pronoun pretty fast, is that because we've actually asked this person which one they prefer? Brain:

Someone dumped a bunch of furry AI slop in a thread that I was reading and oh my God it's ripping off Chunie so hard that it copied his WATERMARK and put it on every image! Unhinged, you can't make this shit up.

From the late Jesse Hamm. My personal mantra for the past decade.

We can't have this app furthering the aims of a tyrannical CHINESE government to spy on its citizens and crush dissenters. We need it so Uncle Sam can do that!

Werewolf dick that destroys vampires, call that a garlic knot. Or something. I don’t fucking know, you shitpost then if it’s that easy

what's funny about "discord sucks, lets go back to forums/irc/etc" is that none even jokes about bringing imageboards back

Being megarich does just make everything super easy. Do you know how HARD it would be for poor people to concoct a global secret pedophile cult? Yet this whole thing was thrown together with emails that all look like "eyh plxs s=nd ovr the heli to com brign me 2 seX crimes isleland this Satrd thx"

🐶: I'm not being entirely facetious here. The reason that they're called "Kraft America-Flavored Sandwich Slices" is because they legally cannot use the word "cheese" to describe them. 🦊: Truly nothing is real.

Don't follow football at all but it seems like everybody who is cool hates the Pats or is horny for Blitz The Seahawk

Silicon Valley: Aw I'll never have the big tiddy goth gf Furries: You can BE the big tiddy goth gf

AAA games: Spend 70 hours crafting slightly better pants to save the Generican Empire from Prince Evildark using the power of microtransactions! A games: Befriend the god of death in this 70's noir thriller so he can help you out with your insane, gory and cinematic spree killings.

You and your fellow magic teenagers set off on a quest to collect all the not-pokemon to stop evil baddies from flipping the four switches that reboot the world's power supply, but on your journey you learn the world is kinda fucked actually so maybe turning it off and on again is a good thing?

"Wow you work a lot faster on these days where they assign you three units instead of two." Yeah I have to do more work? In the same amount of time?? That's what speed? IS???

I've seen so many people be like "If I met my past self I'd punch them in the mouth". Can't relate to be honest. When I look back, a lot of the time he was really thinking of what would be best for me. When I think of how much creative work he was able to accomplish under such pressure I'm just like

Seeing it finally start to collapse, I'm forced to wonder how many of the AI people were actually true believers, and how many were playing the same "If number go up I will more money so here is money" gamble that has driven every speculative bubble ever. finance.yahoo.com/news/why-the...

Boss: A lot of the guys asked for you to be the one to train them on the new upgrade process, you must be a good teacher! Me: Haha yeah~ Inner me: Probably because my lessons end with "With the understanding that there are no hacks and I told you to follow the procedure exactly, here are the hacks."

Me: *cooks noodles and they don't turn out quite how I planned* Inner me: So many forces in this world do not respect a creator's vision. Most disrespectful of all are the artworks themselves.

I think this is a shade of that behavior where people read a story and they're like "this would be better if it had my favorite [character/ship/kink] in it" it's like BRUH you could just go read stories that have those things lmao

Me: I’m a dog I should get a racial bonus to avoiding having water thrown on me. DM: Your athletics bonus will be fine thank you.

🦊: Can we do this? 🐶: Yes, that’s easily done and I would gladly help you. 🦊: Do I WANT to do this? 🐶: That is a design/developer question, not engineering.

"okay but do we actually have like a star trek show etc. from the perspective of the aliens where the humans are the relentless warmongers" "<_<" "*sigh* do we have that but not involving James Cameron" "don't say his name too loud, you know that makes him appear like beetlejuice"

Them: I am so deeply offended. Me: You didn't say I was wrong? Them: You're not but I'm still MAD. 😡

Him: Just because I have long hair everyone thinks I’m a stoner. Me: You ARE a stoner tho. Him: Yes but it’s still PROFILING and it’s WRONG.

Sass As A Service

"Oh, damn alright. Roll intimidate." is the tabletop version of "oooh sick burn!"

Modding Powerwash Simulator into Skyrim. You use fus ro dah to blast the dirt off things. Powerword Wash. Chat is this anything?

Them: Ugh you’re always asking “what’s it pay? How much do I get for this?” Me: This is? my job?? You’re asking me?? to do work?

Skunk tails aren't all that large irl but the headcanon is just "Okay but actually they're so large they have their own zipcode and can be seen from neighboring planets" and I love that for them.

In the bay area I'm preparing for the upcoming weather by making sure I have a light jacket that cost several million dollars.

When you spent that whole refit procedure confused and exhausted, and you’re not sure what happened in the middle there but all the parts fit together and it passes all the retests on the first try.

Me: It tastes like you're eating the piercing green glow coming from a strip of Alienware Gaming Computer LEDs. Them: I know exactly what you mean. Me: DO you? I'M not sure that I know what I mean.

Me: Hey are you guys open to have work done today? Client: *takes an hour to figure that out* Yes! We’re good. Me: Hey distributor are you open to pick up parts today? Distributor: Well we thought YOU would be closed so your order isn’t ready yet.

Mechanic: Hm, the damaged tire is newer than the other three. Me: Yeah I did NOT learn my lesson from the last time this happened lmao

⚠ 𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗜-𝗜𝗖𝗘 𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗧𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗣 ⚠

Me: What’s this line for? Them: We’re not sure actually. Me: You don’t know what the line is for, and you’re still waiting in it?

Panelist: So what brings you here? Me: The thing I actually wanted to go to was full. Panelist: I appreciate the directness.

“Yeah you talk like you’re Vyl’s boyfriend.” Lmao what does that meeeeean? Aaaaa

Throwing a “critters who read pinned messages only” party if anyone asks in the chat when or where it is do not fucking tell them.

Waiting in line Me: *taps fursuiter* Hey do you smell like Waffle Crisp? Fursuiter: *Nods, thumbs up* Me: Ok cool, just making sure I wasn’t having a stroke or something. Fursuiter: *pats my head* Me: *untaps fursuiter, draws a card and plays a blue land*

1: Damn how drunk is he? 2: Literally none at all he’s just Like That when he’s in a fursuit. Me: Hell yeah I’m drunk on life baby now get on that bed I’m gonna climb on top and squeeze ya until you’re two-dimensional~

Extremely powerful to wear someone's fursuit and interact with them because you embody someone they both identify with and probably think is super hot. As such they have ZERO defenses when you start to bully them. Doesn't matter that the situation is a little goofy they will spontaneously combust.

Them: Have you given people the impression that I’m some kind of sex mercenary? Me: Okay first off do you not want that title? Because that sounds rad as hell actually.

This is from the Vonnegut museum, and apt as ever.

Don't say you're at "the con" this weekend that does not narrow it down nearly enough

Something that I find very freeing about making meme images is that being kinda crunchy and low-effort is part of the whole cachet of meme culture. So if I can't find a good quality image or my cropping is sloppy, or some artifact like this shows up, I can just be like it's ok it's part of the vibe.