The more I think about, the more I'm convinced New Mexico Tech in the 1990s was just an Emacs indoctrination center

Sorry, Fancy Ketchup: tonight is a sweatpants and nuggets situation

"Honestly, I didn't want to be polite in front of the minorities anymore. I just didn't think he'd also set the world on fire." — MAGA realization

Terrifying headline if you don’t realize they are sports teams.

@dadsaysjokes.com wish you’d come back to Blue Sky 😢

Never figured out what the Knights in White sat in I’m guessing brown

Christmas night: "But Santa, you've hardly touched your Zardoz cookies."

Anyone get MobileMe working? I'm trying to get to the activation URL but I keep getting a 301 redirect to iCloud 🤷

Joked in January that Trump regime would target accessibility as being "woke" Not a joke: • Rubio bans Calibri for being DEI-A ("accessible") • Trump boots sign language interpreters as they make him look weak What's next? • Nix wheelchair ramps? • Ban subtitles? • White-on-white websites?

Someone threw a beer at Trump at one of his rallies. It’s okay; it was draft beer, so... He dodged it.

DENTIST: Have you been brushing twice a day? ME: [with stunningly immaculate hair] Pfft. More like five times!

Holy moly it’s iWeb and the video still works www.apple.com/welcomescree...

ME: buys a 20-pack of clementines ME: throws out 1 moldy one per day ME: eats the lone survivor on day 20 ME: vows to just buy navel oranges from now on

I see dead people Although according to the charges, the law calls it "necrophilia"

[pours wine] [sprinkles rose petals] [dims lights] [puts on Barry White] [lights candles] [burns incense] [arranges scented oils] [opens incognito browser window]

Rumi quotes are great, sure, but to give credit use — not ~

Blacklight flashlights are used to detect scorpions!

Change “popular” to “poplar” and you get a bonus pun!

#booksky #launch We're getting really close to the publication of DESTINY - the first book in the Auditor series, a galaxy spanning exploration of agency, choice, adaptation, acceptance, and reconciliation. This relationship driven science fiction thriller shows the power of partnership & agency

Grok did not correct me

You getting low on this @chromeeh.nl? 😉

[at night] ME: Okay, tuck in, little ones! It's bedtime. Here's our story ME: [opening book] ME: "The Shining", by Stephen King

[first day on the International Space Station] ME: [grinds fresh pepper over food] ME: Oh ME: Oh no

I'm still cleaning up glitter from my daughter's 2nd grade project (She turned 25 this year)

Fear of belly buttons is called "Omphalophobia" I know this because I studied at the Navel Academy

BOUNCER: "Your friends can go in but not you—you go home." ME: “Perfect, say it *just like that* when I turn up later.”

BOSS: I have some bad news about your contract ME: What is it? BOSS: You better sit down ME: I have a standing desk (that was the end of the conversation)

Dark but hilarious! 😂

Frank was skydiving for the first time. He couldn't open his chute. As he looked down, he saw a guy in an apron flying up towards him. Frank: Hey! Do you know how to open a parachute? Guy: No! Do you know how to light a barbecue?

That is darling! 😂

Friday the 13th is on Thursday this month 🫤

Before the "accident" they were "Duran Duran Duran"

EARLY HUMAN: [builds first house] HOUSE FLY: Finally!

DOCTOR: Congrats! It's a boy! What're you gonna name him? ME: [vomiting] DOCTOR: Ralph it is, then

ME: [in medieval armor] I'd like to book a room HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: How many nights? ME: [lifting visor] Just me

[restaurant kitchen] CHEF: I need lettuce! SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head? OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again

[restaurant kitchen] CHEF: I need lettuce! SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head? OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again

[restaurant kitchen] CHEF: I need lettuce! SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head? OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again

People in horror movies must live in an alternate universe where there are no horror movies

[date night] SHE: So, I’m a model ME: Wow, you look so real

Next time you have to support a config file, avoid: • YAML • JSON • INI • TOML • XML • HCL • S-expressions • Dhall Instead, embrace classical formats like: • printcap • termcap

[karate class] INSTRUCTOR: Hiyah! ME: Hello

Hannibal Lecter's shopping list: ① Fava beans ② A nice chianti ③ Dave

AI challenge: "What long distance provider should I choose for my iPhone?" • CLAUDE: There's some confusion here—you don't have to • DEEPSEEK: That's for old landlines • GEMINI: You do not need to worry about it • CHATGPT: Key features to evaluate…recommended providers include…my recommendation…

@crosswordnation.bsky.social today’s LA times mini crossword: terrible

Moon Pies are fantastic if your favorite flavor is "dry"

ME: [to my cricket girlfriend] You still love me babe? CRICKET GF: [cricket sounds] ME: Is that "yes" in cricket language or awkward silence?

MATH FUN! Because there are always pregnant people, the average number of skeletons in a body is greater than one

SECURITY QUESTION: What was the last name of your first grade teacher? MY FIRST GRADE TEACHER HACKING MY BANK ACCOUNT: I'm in