That which does not kill you does not, in fact, make you stronger. That which does not kill you makes you terrified, because holy shit, you almost died. Be more careful next time.

Why park in an open parking spot when you can simultaneously block the bike lane, the bus stop and that open parking spot?

A mantra for anti-Trump congressional candidates in the midterm elections, courtesy of my extremely anti-Trump 8-year-old: “From the White House to the Big House.”

Dalton Rushing is an absolute prodigy of baseball villainy. In 100 career MLB games he has earned the type of league-wide contempt that AJ Pierzynski needed 10 years to develop. Hard to say where he'll go from here, but one thing's for sure: Someone's going to punch this guy in the face.

This is bullshit. My grandfather invented the machine that makes paper lollipop sticks, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to allow my family’s legacy to be tarnished by wrongheaded anti-stick fearmongering. Lollipop sticks *were* dangerous, when they were made of wood, before Pop Pop came along.

Male fashion innovators spotted this week: 1) Guy in Times Square wearing a pack of Marlboro Lights on a chain around his neck. He had a hole punched through both sides of the pack with a little metal ferrule for the chain. 2) Dude in Astoria riding an e-scooter in a medieval-ass knight helmet.

I hope there’s a hell so this incorrigible dunce can someday rot in it. He is somehow the dumbest, craziest and least competent member of Trump’s dipshit cabinet. A one-man blight on society. He should not hold a job, play baseball or write poems.

The OG GarageBand, before Apple bought the name. You reviewed songs in your chosen genre(s) in exchange for being able to upload your song and have it reviewed. Fun and useful. Super encouraging when you’d see, like, “Your song is ranked 4th this week in the Indie Prog-Funk About Zombies category.”

The real MVP tonight? Over-the-air television, the no-fuss solution to the streaming woes that derailed outdoor projector plans earlier in the series. Setup blew some minds. “So is it a subscription?” Hell no buddy it’s in the gd air all around us in the form of invisible waves. Go Knicks!

@ogtedberg.bsky.social pilgrimage.

I don't want to call my kids soft, but I was discussing the concept of overcoming adversity with my daughter, and the example she gave of adversity was the time no one told her there was creme brulee at my sister's birthday party and she missed out.

British people be like: “I can’t believe these (c-words) just said ‘wanker’ on TV!”

The City That Never Sleeps Enough, Because the Knicks Play Too Late

CHOKE-MONSIEUR

They should have a picture-in-picture on the broadcast that’s just locked on Larry David

Everyone knows this is Donald Trump’s fault

I have no idea who or what Mr. Beast is and I don’t aim to find out. Don’t fucking tell me anything about Mr. Beast. I envision a dapper werewolf.

A) this would be the third or fourth best guitar solo at any given Prince show B) Dhani Harrison’s joy is infectious and it’s cool that the son of an actual Beatle can still be so impressed C) They never rehearsed this with Prince on the solo D) the way he walks off at the end is so damn funny

After writing some 300 pages of fiction that largely sucked and will never see the light of day, I wrote seven that I liked enough to submit to a contest, and… I won. You’re looking at American literature’s newest $500aire. Story will be published sometime soon. www.unchartedmag.com/2026-noir-ch...

You’re a transplant until you get evicted from your apartment while you’re in the Columbia-Presbyterian emergency room knocking on death’s door. That’s how it felt for me at least. Bought a bunch of plain black t shirts as soon as I got out.

Fake New Yorkers: If someone says you’re not a Real New Yorker, just say, “hey, fuck you buddy.” Now you’re a Real New Yorker, congrats.

“Vanilla Ice’s professionalism was very much noted and appreciated by the White House.

What's a good NBA Finals primer for posers who don't have cable and want to act like they've seen more than three Knicks games this season?

Man Asses Park

Lou Gehrig day. All MLB teams are wearing them today.

Why are the Mets wearing a #4 patch? I have not been at a computer much today so I may have missed something but I can’t find anything about it.

LFGM

2 Live Crew and Mayhem have pulled out of Freedom 250

I don’t know what everyone’s talking about here, and, moreover, I don’t care.

🔥 🧵 Thread🧵 🔥

Real ones remember this monologue from the first edition of Quad-A baseball trivia.

Hyper-niche inquiry, I'm in an extremely deep fantasy league: Any prospects writers on here know what's going on with Rockies OF prospect Jared Thomas? I know he had off-season hamate surgery but he still hasn't played and there have been no updates anywhere that I can find.

Introduce yourself with 10 bands/musicians you’ve seen live James Brown Primus Prince The Mighty Mighty Bosstones KRS One Dave Brubeck* Ween Parliament-Funkadelic Candiria Cake *- from the MFing stage (but only for like four songs)

Is the dude in the green hat right behind home plate at the Mets-Nats game an ex-ballplayer? He looks very familiar but I can’t tell if it’s, like, Matt Stairs or a guy who played bass in my buddy’s metal band.

Same. If there’s a debate in play, maybe - MAYBE - it’s that some people, albeit a clear minority, say “L-I-double-R.” I’ve never even heard it jokingly called “Lurr,” and reading abbreviations phonetically was something frequently mined for comic value among my high school friends… on Long Island.

The Mets have an .833 winning percentage in the AJ Ewing Era, a 135-win pace.

He’s spawning

This is a normal thing for a 5-year-old to draw, right?

@mayor.nyc.gov tonight’s Mets-Yankees game is only on Apple TV. This is horseshit. Please address.

JOHN HENRY SHIT: Demonstrated to a client how it was way faster to have me just fact-check something than to have me do it with ChatGPT and then fact-check the AI. Unfortunately the pay is hourly and I shouldn't have said anything.

Gage Workman should be nicknamed Joule.

This guy’s Dennis Reynolds vibes are just off the charts. I don’t ever want to vote for anyone described as a “scion.”

Brb tying all my hopes and dreams to AJ Ewing

On one hand, the Mets have a six run lead. On the other, the incessant auto insurance ads on SNY streaming now include Curt Schilling.

The guy in my neighborhood who was until recently writing “TRUMP” in chalk on various walls seems to have broken from Trump. Same spots, same handwriting, but now he’s going with “God is good.”

The most Millennial song ever is a Pedro Martinez changeup on the low outside corner to a juiced up lefty-swinging slugger.

Maybe it's time we stopped thinking about algorithms and started thinking about Al Gore rhythms. They're all marches in 4/4.

Every time I take my kids into an NYC convenience store I find myself acting like a head shop guy circa 2003. “Dad, what’s that?” “That’s a… waterpipe, for tobacco use.”

Easter egg on Madison Bumgarner’s @baseball-reference.com page