Ted!

ffs people there's a whole song about this www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw9q...

It feels like suddenly everyone’s convinced they’re being gaslit. Friend, no one’s putting in that type of effort. They’re just plain, old-fashioned lying to you.

How do you show the world that you’re cool? I drive really fast in the Costco parking lot.

Claiming you teleported to a Waffle House should be disqualifying for a job as a FEMA administrator but OTOH you’re now a shoo-in for High Times Man of the Year.

Bird people: what kind of bird is this?

THE METS HAVE TWICE DEFEATED THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES!

TRUMP RUINED BAD TASTE John Waters at #NoKings in Provincetown (Pic via petermarietoto on X)

I’m not a righteous man but I know injustice when I see it, and it is complete horseshit that the Mets are not playing today. Do Manfred and his goon squad even understand that they won yesterday? This is an utter travesty.

If fancy pens are the topic I’ll jump in and recommend the Zebra Sarasa Grand. At $13 they’re costly enough that you’ll try hard not to lose them but not so costly that you’ll be distraught if you do. Very stately and substantial-feeling. Also: unchewable. Many color options, refillable. Great pens.

What is a minor interaction with a baseball player that forever shaped the way you face the world? I strive to live each day with as much delight and wonder as I once saw in Dan Uggla while he narrated highlights of the Robin Ventura-Nolan Ryan brawl to an otherwise empty Nats clubhouse in 2015.

This fuckin guy www.instagram.com/reel/DWSDV1L...

Buncha show-offs on here like “ooh la la, I pay for Netflix.” My family scrapes by on only Disney+, Hulu, HBO Max, Prime Video, and an SNY Mets package, but we have joy. God dammit, we have joy.

Before you freak out about the last spot on the Mets’ roster, keep in mind that they definitely would’ve made the postseason in 2008 if they had carried Val Pascucci instead of a useless third catcher.

The algorithm is pretty wild. Every time I search Facebook marketplace for a dining table, it’s just like “fuck you, here’s a bunch of vintage dual humbucker electric guitars.”

I say this as a Mets fan but not the type of Mets fan who always says this: I think the Mets will win 92-95 games this year and take the NL East. This shouldn't be a hot take but it's the Mets. Pitching depth much improved, two Hall of Famers in the lineup, room/pieces to add a bat if they need one.

I want a Venn diagram plotting the following groups: New York Post readers, New York Post opinion writers, people who have ever walked more than five blocks in Manhattan.

Best to ever do it, IMO. Always puts the game first, incredible ability to match the timbre of the action and inaction, thoughtfully tells you what's happening in the Mets game while somehow never seeming judgmental about it.

This is great news but why does it take a week and a half to get cops to stop doing something they weren’t doing as recently as a year ago? “These guys are creatures of habit, we’re going to need at least 10 days to train them not to jump out on underpaid DoorDash dudes.”

Trump's blockade of Cuba has created a humanitarian catastrophe. Most Americans seem not to care. It's good to see media coverage.

Ferdinand Fartberger Austria, Catholic Church Records, 1565-2007

Being represented by a bunch of joyless guys led by a leader who doesn’t know the most basic rules and suffering ignoble defeats at the hands of adversaries who all come across as far more likable. I guess every day is our own little World Baseball Classic.

What an amazing showcase for contemporary Major League Baseball, and here to tell you all about it is the man who hates it most, John Smoltz

I don’t have a strong opinion on the last spot in the Mets’ bullpen but I like the idea of Craig Kimbrel’s dad out and about in Queens.

It’s so weird to have a mayor who seems so cool, hot and competent when none of our previous mayors have ever been any of those things. I don’t know what I’m supposed to post about on Nextdoor if I can’t hit ‘em with a “this fuckin guy, eh?”

TIL: Jose Ramirez is the all-time leader in MVP shares among players who have never won the MVP. www.baseball-reference.com/leaders/mvp_...

Team USA is clearly the heel team that everyone’s rooting against in the WBC. We live in the Yankees of countries.

If there was a drug that took exactly 12 years off your life but made you able to dunk, would you take it?

If I were an instacart shopper I’d be very judgmental with all my replacement suggestions, like, “sorry but we’re all out of Ben and Jerry’s Churray for Churros ice cream. Would you like an apple instead?”

This belongs in a museum

Someone in NYC should do interviews with middle-school kids who take the subway to and from school every day, to see if they have any advice for Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy who can't seem to go a single day without pissing himself in fear over them.

Getting involved in a land war in Asia is the most famous of the classic blunders.

Mamdani is considering ending free street parking in NYC. This would be another huge boost to NYC residents' quality of life, reducing traffic in ways that would be comparable to congestion pricing. And it would be another step in ending suburban free-riding on NYC.

A funny thing about WBC controversy is that by June everyone’s going to forget the whole tournament even happened, possibly due to global thermonuclear war.

Could not disagree more with this sentiment. Imagine you just had a drummer living in your house and jamming with them counted as good parenting.

Everyone born in New Jersey or Staten Island is eligible to represent Italy in the World Baseball Classic.

Imagine being simply too greedy and odious to remain part of the Trump administration.

God, it would be so embarrassing for the American baseball players representing the U.S. to lose to the American baseball players representing Italy.

A book my grandfather wrote about machine parts was available online for $10 so I bought it, only to learn that Pop Pop had a serious case of Resting Senator Face.

Imagine the reaction in the US if ~175 schoolgirls had been killed by a targeted Iranian missile. (Or anyone's missile.) This is an atrocity.

These are the names of the schoolgirls Trump and Hegseth murdered in Iran.

Lithography factory foreman, mechanical engineer. Neither of these jobs is rugged but they are both ruthlessly precise, like all my takes.

Just read a review of a refrigerator that called it "one of the most underrated refrigerators of 2025."

Been making this case since A-Rod was playing: Teams should not get a contract mulligan when a guy gets busted for PEDs. Jurickson Profar cheated on behalf of the Braves. Now they get a refund to spend how they see fit? Make it go to anti-PED charity, or at least revenue sharing. Fuck the Braves.

People from normal places on my timeline: "Weird, but whatever. There are bigger issues than Dunkin'." People from Boston: "🎶Do you hear the people sing? Singing the songs of angry men... 🎶"

Sir Scott’s Oasis, Manhattan, MT. A meal so good I assumed I would make it back to Montana in time to eat it again.

so, torture. they’re torturing them as federal policy. entirely predictable, but that doesn’t make it any less evil

If America still had the rule of law, this would be the easiest prosecution ever, but we all know absolutely nothing will happen.