well and truly fucked that I can't go out in the garden and enjoy a beer after busting my dick at work all day.

Cool

Kirk O’Bain, legendary guitar player for Carvana

Need to know more about the Cornman on Puritan. Someone help me for corn’s sake.

pretty on brand for Michigan to be ground zero for the diarrhea lettuce epidemic

America is in the midst of a shoplifting crisis the level of social collapse. Gavin Newsom thinks so; Ron DeSantis thinks so; House D+Rs think so. So i went to the world's most advanced anti-shoplifting lab to get the hard science, and found...the anatomy of a crime panic. slate.com/life/2026/07...

"My name Kirkle, Kirkle Bane! I rap cool songs and feel emotional pain!" - The Nirvanas, 1999 Music has lost so much

Fuck gnats in particular. Easily the worst bugs. To Hell with ye!

Before I lie down and go to bed I will beat every individual bug to death

Gonna do a fun project with my homie and his 12 (?) year old son on drums

ChatGPT more like chat pee pee pee. Due to how it's like piss

Got a $70 credit for the record store (from selling some weak rap LPs) and I’m gonna spend it on Bruce Springsteen albums like a true Jerseyan.

I hate summer, I really do

Made the mistake of opening a flash drive of photos from 2014 today and realized my life was so much more fulfilling when I was pretty broke and making music and not paralyzed by fear of my mortality

eating a bag of n&n's

Maybe if they just put all those mummies back in their pyramids shit would stop being so bad hmm

Everybody knows Zeppelin is beat af and Earth, Wind, & Fire is tops

I don’t know how to explain it but Ben Folds Five is AFV-Core

*Drinks one beer* It’s Dillinger Four time fuckers

Buncha really painfully unfunny people joking about Mitch McConnell being dead, but, like, he’s totally dead isn’t he?

This is what I look like (but with a mustache)

Our dudes lack the supple continental physique only moderate smoking and a low protein diet can give you, let’s hit the toast and put down the shakes lads

If I was the guy in charge of White Zombie I would have called myself Dwight Zombie

America can’t play soccer. We need to be real about this. It’s just not our thing man.

Me and my friends would have killed the "Tommy needs drinky" guy with hammers, I can tell you that.

Best thing about the USA is that you can stand anywhere and smell cheeseburgers on the wind

I’m gonna catch the bouquet at Taylor’s wedding 😍😍😍

I’ve only been scared by weather twice in my life; first time was outrunning a tornado in MO, and the second was tonight in Detroit

It is straight up scary af out right now. I almost got ripped away by the back door in a huge gust. My yard is trashed.

It’s still hot af out but if I go inside how am I gonna see this?

There are too many little fuckin guys flying around in the air

It would be so sick to be struck by lightning while lifting weights. You would be an extremely powerful glowing skeleton for a second

I’ll be 251 tomorrow but you don’t see me throwing a big party 🙄

Radicals start sounding a lot more realistic when you start thinking about politics by asking "What are the problems, and what will it actually take to solve them?" www.hamiltonnolan.com/p/you-cant-s...

Just ordered a dope wireless 8 button arcade stick to play MVC2/SFIII at home. See ya never

Unhinging my jaw and swallowing 250 whole watermelons to celebrate America’s big boy birthday

William Henry Harrison also did a very long, very good speech in shit weather

Woke up with the phrase BeefPig in my head

Gonna go eat greazy burgers and see Jackass with the boyz

Yum

The year is 1997. I am driving my 1988 Plymouth Sundance at 90 mph and chugging an Orbitz. I am desperately trying not to vomit all over the windshield and die.

Got sent home early from work cuz I accidentally threw a hadouken at the boss 😩

Terrion Arnold, what the fuck bro?

Got some big wins for work today: electrician secured, most new equipment has arrived, and we got the go-ahead for the $20k speed oven we wanted. Hell yeah homies.

Pond count: 2 watercress 3 water hyacinths 12 water lilies 20-ish snails 30 giant duckweeds LFG

imagine just screaming for days

Spiritually I am somewhere between Eric and Red Forman

God damn

If we are friends please do not get married I cannot afford another wedding after this weekend, my family is starving

You a Roger Rabbit Ass Bitch (Weird dude married to an impossibly hot woman)