Millennial dom carving "vote for pedro" into my back with her nails

"This isn't my first rodeo." - Guy at his second rodeo

I think if iCarly were real we'd all assume Carly Shay to be an industry plant

I wanted to finish rewatching JoJo's before SBR started but I only made it to part 4 so I asked Netflix really nicely if they could delay the rest of it six months so I could catch up. I hope everyone is okay with that

J K Rowling would name her butch character some shit like Harper Freight

Cheese that turns you to stone, call that shit gorgon-zola

Aborted tumblr post voice: I would’ve loved to flop…. If I existed…

Chris McClaine voice: Total Forcefem Island!!!

Why did I transition? Well here in America they make white boys play that funky music til they die

So fucked up being older today. I've had a whole year to get used to my age and now I have to remember a different number. Fucked up...

I think as a society we are only a few years out from actually putting someone into The Truman Show

I pray that our children's hands will know thumb peace, not war

My new bug spray called On! That actually attracts more bugs to you

Comic book character who is deaf but also has fourth wall breaking powers so they can just read the speech bubbles

Nopony wants to work anymore

Whoever came up with the idea for dragons must have been sick as hell. Like, yeah what if lizards were big as shit and could fly

Cost almost as much to file my taxes as I'm getting back, except now I'm down $200 for a month while I wait

Made the greatest chicken I've ever eaten and then immediately got food poisoning. I am being punished for my hubris

Genuinely one of the best Game Changer episodes in ages. Vic may not have won the game but they've won my heart

HRT is so funny because now I can take photos like this

I finally have a working fucking cellphone, and on trans day of visibility no less

butch lesbian hex maniac

It feels like for the last month the government has been run by a YouTube comments section

No one told me breaks in NY were 45 minutes, now I just gotta sit here

She pied the way I piper

The bat signal is such a funny concept. How does a city have so much crime that they need to cut a custom piece in the shape of Batman's logo to contact him

Fucked up at my job as a guy dropping off a delivery looks exactly like Danny Devito, like spot fucking on. Genuinely scared me

Thinking about the escape room at my local mall that bankrupted itself so hard they held a liquidation sale of every prop used in it

Bought a bag of sturdy chicken and the bag is like 80% with almost no chicken in it. I counted up and in a 1 lb bag there were 8 total pieces

16 days until I move and with every day I grow more restless

Wishing my coworker having a loud conversation on speaker in the break room a very please do this somewhere else

Getting sniffed

So little waiting left to do and yet, fuck this waiting shit

This is what it feels like to get a credit card in the mail you didn't order

Feeding a puppy girl her e by slipping it into a slice of cheese and feeding it to her

Why must I be electrically charged?! Why must I get zapped by everything at my job!?!

How does one halt the yearning?

Got a he/him while titted up at work but he also gave me $20 so now I'm not sure what to think

The absolute hell of having to apply for an apartment and suddenly needing to get a good photo of my cat and inform them that his name is Tiddlywinks (for renting purposes of course)

Maybe no greater feeling than being complimented on a part of yourself you've literally never thought of before

Jumpsuit is one of the best purchases I've ever made

With all of the Switch 2 leaks going around I think the funniest possible outcome is if all of them are fake and it looks nothing like the Switch

Desperately need to make out with a girl inside of an abandoned building

Didn't realize just how sick I was until I stepped on a scale today and realized I'd lost 10 pounds at some point

Honestly fuck winter weather, my entire area didn't prep for the weather and my ass was skidding all day on the roads

Look at my lincoln log…

I think it's really interesting seeing Pokemon who are designed as opposites to each other but with time have one get left behind. Thinking of Beautifly getting a +10 boost that Dustox didn't, or Mantine getting an HP boost that Skarmory didn't (I think most forget that Mantine is Special Skarm)

Persona 5 is so funny because there's something so cathartic about a turn based RPG where you can just unload a clip into something