Woke up in the torment nexus again guess it’s time to put on my boots

I wanna take that kinda HRT that makes me wiggle and say returrrrrn the masssssssk

You just worked 14 hours? That's cute, I got done my 85 hour shift at the ball crushing factory, where they crush my fucking balls

Ah yeah love going to the dentist, they always finger my mouth-hole real good

Needs to be standard protocol for suggesting and organizing an orgy

See you just gotta have coworkers you take turns on the dereliction of duty with - oh, you wanna disappear for a half hour? Lmk when you’re back then its gonna be my turn

Oh i bungled that interaction at work so bad im bracing for a tribunal

My favourite episode is the one where Poirot gets a shoulder-mounted cannon.

You ever uhhhhhh fuckig stupid

If you slapped a mile in my balls you’d understand

Body keeps the score? Well imma move all that trauma to the balls and get an orchiectomy

Oh, you feel like you’re losing your mind? You should meet my friend, she als-

Fucked up for me to be 25 with a few white hairs in my beard

Ok drive thru twink you texted me I believe you whatever give me my cantina chicken

Sex work this sex work that how bout some work sex

Gonna trans a gander at ya

She pied the way I piper

Wizard award show, call that shit the tomies

GUARDS PUT THIS MAN IN THE CUCK CHAIR AND BRING IN HIS WIFE

i think if u order taco bell after midnight it should come with a pre roll

I’m utilizing 3-dimensional gnomestacking techniques your sorry ass has never heard of

Miss my driving job almost solely for the title of operator

When the pocket with the wallet in it flips upside down inside your pants and its stuck like that so you gotta fight it and reach up in there to get it out while the lady behind the register watches every excruciating moment

My son is afraid a hummingbird might rip through his body at 9000mph. Can any professionals on here tell him he is stupid and full of shit

Having a boot kink or whatever is really cool because it diametrically opposes me to feet people

Whatever kind of raw unadulterated charisma one pound fish man is radiating is too powerful this man could steal anyones wife

“abracafuck you” *sharpens your magic wand*

Transfemme general zod escapes the phantom zone and gives supes the kryptonite that makes you a nya nya catgirl :3

Love you (with extra homo)

Thinking bout the time I bought a lighter that looked like a gun with the explicit intent on going through TSA with it in my bag TSA loved me that day

“The boys down in the costume department”

My toxic trait as a furry is that I fully believe snakesonas should never have titties

Imagine waking up to this

Primus goes hard actually

Thinking bout being a guard with a glaive saying carry on carry on and talking bout my feeling with my guard buddy

Schtupp wenches toil for riches

Trying to get an eye of providence job tonight

Metallica really made Enter Sandman and never made anything good ever again

1 million wage slaves Capitalism is a fuck Waste company time on em all 2025

Kinda missing a monarchy but ok

*takes a big whiff of you* “Smells like fuckable”

ⅲ ⚔︎

I don’t mean this in a crazy conspiratorial way but Joe Biden kinda looks like a lizard

Whatever dude

I dont know what it is about tboys but yall seem to have this habit of trying to initiate intimacy knowing damn well we have 10 minutes before I have to be out the door

Person I was hooking up with played Tiny Dancer and I’m shook