Sometimes I’ll be scrolling through the IG or (gulp) Facebook stories of someone having a tragic, public mental breakdown, and then there’ll be a slide of them eating an expensive steak or something like that. Don’t love that. Guy losing his grip on reality is still more successful than me? Great!

Merry Tyler Kolek to all.

My favorite part of Pluribus is when the whole planet packs up and leaves that chud lady in Albuquerque. It’s so satisfying. Think of all the times some unbearable punisher has made you go, “I gotta get the fuck out of here,” and extrapolate it over a major American city. It’s a power fantasy.

First gig with new band tonight. Allowing myself to believe I simply know how to play all of these songs, and there’s no need to drive home and start practicing the weird riff that happens once in song 3.

Just thinking about when @oldjonhernandez.bsky.social got a Google smart speaker thing and that stupid thing was just not gonna play lemuria no matter how nicely or firmly he asked

Some kind words about the Pressure Wheel (@pressurewheel.bsky.social) EP over at @rosyoverdrive.com.

Has anyone said “more like THROATUS” yet?

I support anyone practicing whatever faith they practice so long as it doesn’t infringe on others. Honest! But calling this recent uptick in Very Loud Christianity™️ a response to years of persecution is like if I said I’m being persecuted because nobody will talk to me about the Offspring anymore.

I hate falling behind on work deadlines because then I have to spend a day or two focused on my job. This presents a problem in my carefully curated life where I pretty much pretend I don’t have a job at all.

I don’t want to support or share any AI slop, but the closest I’ve come is a clip I just saw of Barney Fife uncovering the Epstein Files on the Andy Griffith show.

Did Okada just spark a career resurgence by adding the ripcord bing bong to his arsenal??????

Bear with me, more new music: New band, @pressurewheel.bsky.social (pressurewheelmusic on IG). Our first EP, Atomic Woe, is available everywhere today. If bandcamp’s more your speed: pressurewheel.bandcamp.com/album/atomic... FFO: uh…let’s say Constantines, Hot Snakes, Jets to Brazil

Did you know that So Much For The Afterglow is so densely packed with undeniable hooks that the federal government ordered them to add that stupid instrumental track so that listeners would have a chance to fucking breathe?

It’s nice to send an IG message to someone you don’t speak to often about their video of AFI playing an old deep cut, then scroll up and see that your last message exchange two years prior was also about AFI.

Two new Timeshares songs up today. Our first new tunes in a while. They let me do the fast palm muting on one of these. How fast? You gotta go listen to find out. distrokid.com/hyperfollow/...

I have a cousin who just posted “If genocide ends the moment the hostages are released, it wasn’t genocide, it was propaganda.” I like that. I’m gonna use it. “If I stop eating your steak frites the moment my Santa Fe Southwest-style cobb salad arrives, I didn’t actually eat all them frites.”

Look folks, this adderall isn’t going to work all day. You sure you want to soak up two hours on me silently nodding in a Zoom window?

I posted this on Facebook fourteen years ago, apparently.

I grew up with emotionally inept ballbusters, and most of them weren’t even funny, so it was just “friends” being unreasonably cruel to one another. So now that I mostly interact with normal people, when I encounter a northeast ballbuster, I just wanna put a hand on their shoulder & ask, “Must we?”

I’ve been keeping pretty quiet about a bunch of music things I’m working on that I’m excited about (until this tweet, I guess), and I gotta tell you, I have not shaken the impulse to shit every thought or feeling about them onto the internet.

Anytime I eat literally anything, a middle aged woman shows up on my phone and tells me that it’s decimating my gut microbiome. Gut flora hates to see me coming.

The Outrunners’ Newports tights have rejuvenated my love for professional wrestling.

Fantastic Four! Good! Very good!! They should have made this movie for me when I was 15, when it would be less embarrassing to tell people exactly how much I loved it. I just tried to tell my wife, and I’m pretty sure I can hear her tearfully packing a suitcase.

Lord knows I don’t wanna be out here tweeting about a The Bear needle drop in 2025 but when “Something So Right” by Paul Simon started playing after that monologue, I started making noises like when you knock someone out in Street Fighter 2. I’m still breathing heavy.

I totally, 100% support the Philly city workers strike. I just wish I threw this expired rotisserie chicken out before it started.

My cat makes long squeaky noises that sound like clear vowel sounds. Sometimes it’s unsettling, but today I told my him that I was happy with a thing I had to write for work, and I’m pretty sure he said, “Oh, cool.” And he’s right! It is!

As a lifelong Knicks fan, I’ve long been baffled by folks who complain when their teams make it deep into the playoffs. So I’m not gonna do that. Great team, I’ll miss ‘em. Honestly? I’m kinda stoked for Tyrese. Always liked him, and it’s very fun to watch him cook after that player survey.

Been back in New York for one hour and I’ve already yelled “fuck the timberwolves” in the middle of a family seafood restaurant

Mikal Bridges started OT with an airball and put his life on the line to make it right.

I thought Ausar Thompson was gonna explode like a Mega Man boss when Brunson made that three.

Music of the Mat Remix: Making Towns We're hitting the road! @justandrew.bsky.social and @oldjonhernandez.bsky.social play songs that have cities and towns in the title. redcircle.com/shows/music-...

I just got back from a weekend in San Juan, so the end of that Daredevil episode was eerie as hell.

Even as someone who never really did the emo thing, that Best Friends Forever festival has some real appeal as the only punk-adjacent nostalgia fest with probable attendees you can tolerate being around

Me and Gamora, weeping our way right through the Conan opening

I was waiting in the bathroom line at the bar, and when the guy came out, I hiccuped. Now I’m worried he thinks I gasped. 😰

All these social media algorithms can find the time to show me horrifying news headlines and medical trauma stories, but it waited until today to tell me about the Elvis Costello/Steve Nieve theater tour that, as a result, I’ll be missing this weekend.

Watching the SNL50 Concert and Eddie Vedder is really looking like Ted DiBiase these days. Not as good a promo, though.

I think the Jets should sign the dude who nearly assassinated Howie Roseman with a tight spiral on a Bud Light as our new franchise QB.

As someone who got a grownup laptop job fairly late in life, my e-mail has all the unnecessary quips and exclamation points because I’m insecure and frightened. I know it, you know it, we all know it. So when your reply is THAT direct, concise, and formal, you must know it emotionally ruined me.

In this current climate, I’d sooner have people think I voted for Trump than confess how much I like the song “Nice For What.”

A distant cousin of mine shared a false post on FB, claiming new announced Pfizer vaccine side effects incl. “sudden death.” Naturally, I dropped everything, found a Reuters fact check, drafted up a comment. Just before hitting send, I remembered the internet is a festering fucking brain disease.

Once, I was a real asshole to an ex. She bought tickets for her and a friend she hadn’t seen in a while to see Rilo Kiley, and I hit her with a big, childish guilt trip for not inviting me. I feel bad about it sometimes, but RK broke up right after that, and the set ruled, so I don’t feel THAT bad.

Some people say luchadors don’t sell, but I’m pretty sure Penta spent as much of this match seated as I did.

Trying to ignore the way this Knicks team reminds of the 2013 Steve Novak Knicks, who could score at will in the regular season, won the division, and always felt like they’d wilt in a physical playoff series. Ignoring!

Made an account for the band here.

Imagine being in the room the first time someone ever did the fart noise and jerk off hand. Just. Wow.

Josh Hart, as I live and breathe

Can’t think of a merrier Christmas than Mikal Bridges showing this doofy 8 foot alien what the fuck is up.

It is simply how men talk to one another.