Task is my favorite kind of crime drama: dumb criminals vs dumb cops.

The NSA agent handing over my file: Sir, after secretly monitoring Yote's internet use for the past six months, this is what we have learned about him. The file:

Charlie Cuck. lol

I found a thing at the thrift store.

Got raptured. Heaven's nice, great wifi and lots of dogs. No evangelicals here, so that's a big plus.

Horst Wessel ass motherfucker.

Added a couple dingers to the washboard.

The thought that a mother would refuse the rabies vaccine for her child who was bitten by a rabid raccoon is simply terrifying. And people wonder why I get angry when anti-vaxxers start running their fool mouths.

Never trust someone who doesn't take no for an answer.

Jimmy Kimmel being censored has sent shockwaves throughout the antifa extremist leftist community, who were relying on his show for instructions on how to make chemical weapons

I have been drinking a special alchemical concoction that will cause my bones to reanimate after I die and commit skeleton crimes. I hope it works.

I am seeing Castle Rat tonight! (Yay!) And I woke up at 4:30 am. (Oh no.)

For five bucks I could have told them that people who don't regularly spend time offline and exercise their mind and body away from the endless noise of the internet may one day be at a "significant cognitive disadvantage" compared to those who learn an instrument and play a sport.

Maybe his neck just did that.

I made a washboard. Yes, that is an e-clip for an M1 garand.

Oceanside, OR

What's your secret to being online all the time without contracting computer madness? For me it's being pure of heart

it really is astonishing how quickly it goes from “civil war” and “blood in the streets” to “wow guys it’s just a sad tragedy” when it becomes inconvenient

Charlie KIrk believed that empathy was a "new concept" that shouldn't exist, so anyone who expresses condolences for him is being VERY disrespectful to his beliefs right now. please keep him out of your thoughts as he begins his transition into worm food. thank you

So the hottest viral video on thenet right now is of Charlie Kirk getting shot in the neck and dying immediately. What a world.

Did Charlie Kirk really just get shot?

My dogs no longer leave the room when I pick up my ukulele, so I am counting that as a win.

Oklahoma doesn't know if it's in the south or the midwest so it just went with the worst of both worlds.

I think if there was actually anyone who’d committed a crime of any significance on that boat we blew up for no reason, everyone in the world would know their names by now

Singing is hard. Playing ukulele is hard. Foot percussion is hard. Doing all three at once is gonna take a little work.

Movie night!

Ditto.

this is why I pay for photoshop

FUCK YEAH LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Me all the time lately

No new pics, where are you mentally?

Hey everybody! I can play Satan Gave Me a Taco now!

I love how liberals are losing their minds at leftists for criticizing a corpo Democrat three years before there's even a primary election. That's super cool and normal of you guys 👍

Words cannot adequately express how relieved I am that James Dobson no longer draws breath.

Goblins.

I am almost there on locking Deportees into my brain forever.

People are lonelier than ever, so here is a robot you can talk to. It won't make you less lonely but it will drive you insane. That will be five thousand dollars.

"Are you coming to bed?"

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: The Best In-Detentions

I don't know what you call your cousin's kid but I love the little guy. He is starting to show an interest in music so on a whim I bought him a ukulele. I hope he thanks me in his 2045 Grammy's speech.

I am pleased to report that I have memorized a second song. If I can get a couple more crammed into this ol' noggin I'll have enough songs to annoy strangers in the park until they give me money!

I am not quite ready to open for Bob Dylan yet, but I have been learning ukulele for about a month and I am happy with the progress I've made. youtu.be/eAw3Bf7rklI?...

"Bluesky is dying" Oh yeah? Then explain why this GIF always does numbers.

Prove you're not a robot, choose all the squares with cats in them

years ago i met a woman studied the impact of corporeal punishment and never forgot what she said: “whenever i show parents the evidence against spanking they always ask ‘ok but what do studies say about the *benefits* of spanking?’ and they don’t believe me when i tell them there just aren’t any.”

Restrang my uke. Now THIS is what I call a bridge knot!

I just woke up and played The Werewolf by Michael Hurley, no looksies. I nailed it! Even the howling! Can I get a W?

Big Rock Candy Mountain is the perfect song for learning strings because the lyrics give it perfect rhythym, it is just three basic chords that everyone starts with, and at several points the song says "that was fun, now we are going to switch between C and F real fast until your hand dies."