He means he doesn't have enough money in his bank account to buy the McDonald's corporation

Twix is short for “The Reckoning betwixt Death and Man” by Robert Henryson (ca. 1490)

If you see this, post a vampire who isn’t Dracula

every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie

it's always 19 thousand dumb bitches telling each other "exactlyyyyy"

if the trouble is double if you stay, then it seems pretty obvious that you should go, the clash. why are we even having this discussion? sera el doble, the clash! sera el doble!!

"Gillette, the best of times a man can get, the worst of times a man can get" - Charles Dickens

Deedee Megadoodoo will return in AVENGERS: DOOMSDAY

So does my cat but I don't think we should make him president.

The soundtrack of my favorite video game series

Mulder: [throwing a file to Scully] "Ever heard of the Devon Owl-Man?"

I just unfollowed this guy. Don't need this kind of negativity going into 2026

Wrong answers only... That's all that I have to offer.

more fries

I've been playing Star Wars Outlaws lately for the first time and god damn this game is SO much fun, I can't put it down. I'm totally blown away by all the little details and addictive mechanics. I don't really understand why so many people hated it when it came out

You know you're in for a good episode when Riker's bangs make an appearance

The cool thing about living in a big city and relying on public transportation is that every once in a while you have plans, and the trains are like "no" and after waiting for 30 minutes and going nowhere you just have to give up and go home.

"Yo, Youtube, it's ya boi, Billy Crystal! Can we get some gg's in the chat? Don't forget to smash that like button!"

My Red Dwarf collection is finally complete

This is a phrase you could have said this at any random moment in the last 15 years and it would have been topical and correct every single time.

If you're cold, they're cold, we're all cold for ice cream.

I'm so congested, it feels like my brain is floating in a bowl of soup. I am more mucus than man now... My nose is a machine that turns air into snot. Please somebody air drop a care package of tissues on my apartment

Remember if it doesn't say micro machines, it's not the real thing.

What if I don't want to make my boss happy?

Has woke gone exactly the right amount?

Yeah no, fuck everybody who said otherwise, Metroid Prime 4 rules. Also, justice for Myles Mackenzie, I actually find him helpful and he's made me laugh multiple times so... yeah, suck it, internet

Alien v Rocky V Predator

I can't believe Doctor Who did that.

“I was just following otters.”

Darling, hold my hand! Nothing beats a Jet2holiday and right now you can save £50 per person. That's £200 off for a family of four.

Thanksgiving is like The Purge for turkeys. Turkey laws don't apply today... stay safe, turkeys.

I'm sorry but I think the Strangers Things cast are starting to look too old to be playing kids in the new season.

teenage mutant ninja clown posse

Fuck Marry Kill: Win Lose or Draw, Press Your Luck, Family Feud

[passenger next to me starts putting on Air Bud] Are you mad at me?

Ugh... Mendays, amirite?

There are 4 types of guys online. no exceptions.

boi-oi-oi-oing

Let's go, money cat!

I hope this email finds you caught beneath the landslide in a champagne supernova in the sky

Madonna has a sister who looks more like Madonna than Madonna

"I ain't afraid of no ghosts" I said, knowing full well it's a double negative because I am in fact very afraid of ghosts.

Particle Man They Might Be Giants

BlueSky is a bad site used by good people. That describes most social media sites. But BlueSky is egregiously unethical. Any of you can be disappeared for baseless reasons. I've been on social media for 17 years and never been suspended. BlueSky is the first place to do so – over Johnny Cash lyrics.

How many coaches even go to Coachella actually?

"Beware that when fighting werewolves, you yourself do not become a werewolf" - Friedrich Nietzsche, Werewolf Hunter

You're at Belle. I need you at Sebastian.