Lmaooo I just ordered Indian food and the waiter just immediately goes “Mild?” We’ll see how hot “hot” is. For me. I’m guessing it would be hotter for someone who looks uhh, less like me.

Haven’t been updating here but Steph just finished her second iron man world championship in Kona, Hawaii. Absolutely insane achievement that took years of dedication and I’m sooooo so so proud of her!!

The pro race at Kona is insaaaaaaaaaane holy butts.

Ok I’ve been awake for like 21 hours time to sleep good bye

Oh no, my seat!

finally started playing through Ghost of Tsushima this weekend. My god, that game is so beautiful. I'm still glad I took a break and played some assassin's creed games after expedition 33 though, I still don't think anything could have held a candle to that.

Ran 5 miles. Didn’t die.

A Congresswoman calls for everyone like me to be locked up. The world's richest man proposes I be subject to a Nazi medical experiment. I no longer flinch at the sight of the soldiers with assault rifles on my commute. A billboard for AI tells me "keep thinking." One cold brew with oat milk, please

"What would you do if you won the lottery?" (looks at wife) (looks at family) (looks at friends) ... "AGAIN??!"

Everyone remember your Luigi lesson: They're lying about the reward and you will lose your job.

Oh no, my [mother in law’s] seat!

#DrivingWithStephTheBaronOfBoop “Oh look it’s the little Miata! I kinda wanna boop it” “NO” “Can I boop it” “NO BOOP” “What about… small boop” “NO BOOP” “Yeah I’m gonna boop it” (accelerates mildly alarmingly) “NO BOOP” (Giggles, then very quietly…) “so boopable…”

Took home the silver at BITE for SMX, which is insanely better than I thought I’d do and I’m grateful to all of my opponents for awesome matches, to Arcade Impact for FLAWLESS pads, and to the TOs for running an event on only one machine and still finishing on schedule and an overall smooth event.

New pendulum album this is not a drill

lol the guy in front of me is this little old military man and he's super funny and everyone loves him and I do too

Oh no, my seat!

Holy crap she's done it. If you're missing your cat, I'm sorry, my wife has it.

“Ladies and gentlemen we have two flights. Two flights, so please listen carefully to your announcements.” Proceeds to immediately make an announcement about one of the flights without saying which one

Cuddling with my wife this morning: “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world” “Mmm I’m gonna bring back circuit city”

Generic happy relationship post - nothing could have prepared me for how amazing love can be. Every day is better than my wildest dreams.

I used to put tuna in mac + cheese. I feel like it was pretty normal and was a cheap way to add protein but pretty much everyone I know has told me it’s gross. Including my wife which is why it’s a used to, lol

Oh no, my seat! And she won’t even look at me, rude.

Peak Steph behavior: calling Cloud, then when clover comes she spends like 2 minutes saying “baby bean, that’s not your name” when bean is ALSO NOT her name lmao

Pray for Cloud. He’s not sick or anything he’s just Cloud.

Oh no, my seat!

Steph: here you go Me, my hands full: why are you here you going me Steph: here you go Me: I’m already here you going! I cannot be here you gone an additional time! Steph: HERE YOU GO (throws towel onto my face)

Oh no, my seat!

I’m in a Japanese restaurant and in 24 hours I will post the answer but I would be amazed if anyone guesses it. This random dude asked what these were (the dragonballs, not the cards). Guess what the server’s answer was.

Out of context quotes from marriage part 1: “That was my dick” “That’s what she said”

I swear I’m not making any of this up. I’m in San Francisco airport and the food options I’m seeing are Bacon bacon Bun mee Proposition chicken And last but not least… SIDEWALK JUICE

Just swam with manta rays and they got less than an inch from my face a few times!!!!! Definitely one of the coolest experiences of my life. THEYRE SO BIG OMG

Hey. Here’s a question. Why is every ad like “the official low fat vegan biscuit of the NFL”

Steph did a bike race and she… won?? The beginner division but don’t worry about that part SHE WON WOOOOO

In a hotel on a work trip. Watching house hunters international. So funny. Every episode is like -straight couple -3 house options -husband wants house A -wife wants house B -they agree to eliminate house A immediately and buy house B

Wetzel’s Pretzels is like Auntie Anne’s but gross. Wetzel was the spoiled kid that Auntie Anne raised but never disciplined. Wetzel was a good kid and Auntie Anne doesn’t know where things went so wrong. Wetzel’s parents never loved him. Wouldn’t have had him at all but their small Idaho town didn’

Me trying to help Steph cut pizza, when she refused and cut it herself: “I’m just trying to make your life as good as possible” “You’ve already done that! Nothing left to do, you’re done” Guys I’m so in love 🥹

In monster hunter, leveling up your great sword also makes your shoulder charge, which doesn't use the sword at all, do more damage. This implies that your shoulders get more buff from carrying a giant sword around. In this essay I will

"Hey Florida Man, hold my beer!" -Wisconsin Man

applying for jobs again

Man I just wanna win the powerball and buy a few million dollar cars and a house in Hawaii is that really so much to ask?

I met Mr. Rogers in an airport once while he was in line to board and he got out of line to talk to me. My dad pulled me away after a couple minutes but I fully believe he would have missed his flight to continue talking to me, a random stranger? No, a neighbor.

Wife playing dragon quest: “I have so much money right now. I haven’t spent anything.” Me: “They must not have REI in this game.”

I’m living the cishet male dream. I came home from a work trip and my wife surprised me with a pressure washer.

I LOVE MY KITTIES THEY’RE SO CUTE

“The Lincoln Navigator is a nimble creature” -Steph Lmao

Accomplished my original goal for ITL. Made it to 525k, in long pants and random street shoes on an unfamiliar (but good!) pad lol idk what to do now. Keep going I guess.

Hey all, signal boosting another form from freyja for the upcoming women's/nonbinary tourneys at Storm and BITE this year. Drop your favorite charts as suggestions! docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1F...

New shirt who dis

This is definitely the funniest list of options I’ve ever seen