We just love heading downtown to yell at empty buildings.

Justified villian set up as the seasonal big bad but easily killed mid-season because he's actually a giant dipshit.

My wife is concerned a week of dry scraping several layers of old wallpaper without PPE has exposed me to a ton of lead, arsenic, and asbestos, but what she fails to consider is that I am actually built different.

So many people watch movies with this mentality

My favorite thing about movies is that they can be used as an oblique way to talk about myself. Today is my Super Bowl.

Damn, I wanted to see him win for playing Claus Von Bülow.

At last year's screening of Happiness, when the credits rolled four different people at opposite ends of the theater simultaneously said aloud "Jesus fucking Christ".

X, the everything app

I'm worried when Kristi Noem finds out she's been fired she's going to become America's first obedience school shooter.

Alexa, play Stretch Out And Wait

I do take some small solace about American politics knowing the two main parties that have defined British government for (not looking it up) years have managed to spectacularly self-immolate in the timespan of a single MCU phase.

My lawyer

*yelling into a phone* Hey, it's your cousin Marvin, Marvin Tune-Yards. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, you've got to hear this!

One thing missing from the Epstein files we all thought would be there is the blackmail. The emails all seem to be jeepstein@gmaildotcom he y cn u do soem evil 4 me larrysummer@harvard Hell ya broski what's good?

The Wisconsin Fish Boil, the evil Bizarro cousin of the Louisiana fish boil (I hate this country/world).

Colin Meloy took The Substance

If this is what needs to happen for a hometown discount on the next extension then so be it. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

Preparing Asian food can be tricky. I've been trying to cook this Vietnamese dish that's just a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice but I just can't get the spices right!

Don Lemon is the funniest right-wing obsession. They really think he's a hero to half the country because he was on the TV at the airport a lot.

RIP Greg Bovino

Someone needs to tell Kanye if he wants people to forget the Nazi stuff he needs to have a Station To Station/Low/Heroes/Lodger run when all he's been putting out for years is Earthling

Nice movie you got there, would be a real shame if someone treated its themes and subtext as unintentional Freudian slips that I divined through the study of old, half-remembered, Buzzfeed articles

"Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws on the floor Like Pam and Tommy just burst through the door" - Me, winning over the tribesmen of North Sentinel Island

Sources say turning the other way up could be about to happen for Netflix videos

They turned the plane around because he had a type of bowel movement commonly known as "a real home game situation"

Homan owes Pete Hegseth a drink as a thank you to the guy who took all of the heat for being a blatant alcoholic.

Take the grip pads out of this man's shower.

Aside from Scott Adams, did anyone go insane because of UPN?

adult size crown royal bag you could crawl into and pull the drawstring closed

Any reporter who doesn't ask this man how much he's had to drink today should be pelted with bricks

Once some customers who were milling about in a parking lot where I worked complained to the manager that I would've hit them with my car had they been standing where I was driving. I can only assume their kids are ICE agents.

Prometheus and Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice

This guy's entire bit is just one of the personality disorders where someone gets off on being annoying.

w-wow, your a scene girl??? and an alcoholic???? and u look like my daughter????? humina humina!!!!!! please don't tell anyone i write for the atlantic

He's trying to use what little time he has left to bring back the Dilberitto, like an American version of Ikiru.

In middle school I got my mom to buy a brand-name shirt instead of the usual resale and outlet store poor kid stuff and within 5 minutes of being at school an older kid said: "Oh look who thinks he belongs."

What happened to stuff like Spider-Man failing English because a bank robber dressed like an animal won't stop kicking his ass?

With 60 Minutes, much like USAID, they are forcing me to defend an abysmal institution for neutering the few good things they accomplish when they're not just doing CIA agitprop. Come on Barri, just bury the story in between segments of Leslie Stahl making googly eyes at a Rathyon drone.

From my cold dead hands

2026 gonna be my year

Pretty good pull from the office Holiday vendor expo

The great thing about drinking out of a glass is that since I've done it tens of thousands of times there is no way to mess it up goddamnit does someone have a napkin?

OBAA is better but this one is still one of the decade's best and will be more popular who want to hear what's right with their politics rather than an assessment of what's gone wrong.