It's my 46th birthday tomorrow and it'll be the first one without a birthday card from either parent. That's a level of poignant I wasn't expecting.

In times of trouble just remember: "nothing bad can happen, it can only good happen"

NYT taking the piss today

This guy is fucking nuts. I feel so sorry for the parents of school-age children in Florida.

Late to the party as always but one of the greatest bits of journalism I've read in a while: manchestermill.co.uk/manchester-f...

My dad died a week ago and I have the immeasurable joy of carrying his face round on my head(!!). I used to hate it but now, it's my pleasure

My face when I'm first in the bus queue and someone gets to the doors first.

Forty six lbs down since September 2024. That's outrageous.

My kid* is home after finishing uni and frankly, it's pretty cool. I've already spent a fortune on protein snacks and drinks and food and there's a list of food requests on the fridge blackboard....... *fully grown 23yr old.

I think everyone in the UK has gone to bed knowing they won't sleep

I read the phrase "I'm laid back but I can lean forward pretty quick" and I feel that with every cell in my perimenopausal body.

Still true: *Britain is a success story *Most of its cities are doing astonishingly well *Multiculturalism is popular *Mass immigration has not led to social disintegration *Nostalgia is increasingly weird *Britain is incredibly safe *Levels of social cohesion are high Don't let them gaslight you.

I'm 45. I've done parenting, and I'm not parenting adults.

I'm never working in project management ever again. Ever. Bun this.

Sat in a project sign off meeting. It's becoming apparent that stakeholders haven't looked at anything I've written in the one really important workbook that they've had access to since April 2024. Do I need to hold the hands of grown ass people who get paid more than me?

Back in the UK after a lovely break in Copenhagen. Hate it here already, though it's SIGNIFICANTLY cheaper at home.

Not saying Copenhagen is expensive but a BBQ sharing platter is £119.

Learning Danish ahead of going to Copenhagen (yes, I'm aware their English is better than mine so there's no need to learn) and it's genuinely just Deutschy-English with a hefty Scottish accent. Well, that's how my brain's translating it.

My last cat charity print flopped (blaming my pics) SO Here’s a limited A5 Charity Jonsey/Ripley print. 100 available, £5 from each print going to The Celia Hammond Animal Trust. If you’d like one: www.infinitebacon.com/shop/p/riple... It’ll cost you nothing to share this so please do! TY! x

I love planning things until the point it involves others. Out for a meal this evening, which in itself took three weeks from conception to actual date. We offered two restaurants as options 24hrs ago. Four fully grown adults cannot make a decision on which of the two options they prefer.

I am absolutely Siobhan Fahey in Shakespeare's Sister's Stay With Me video. Girl could NOT be bothered with that man.

OMG it smells of Cheetos and dirty peen on this tram

Happy Easter

Genuinely impressive post

Are Muslims really banning dogs in parks? 🤔 Let’s look at this perfect example of how rage baiting works, and how disinformation spreads, sticks, and fuels division, even years after being debunked… 🧵1/22 (1/1)

Thinking further about my Greg Davies dream. Imagine if your dream about someone is dreamt from their POV at the same time?! I'd like to think he's walking around wondering why the tiny stranger refused to elope with him in his dream.

Let’s be clear. He sold $2.4 billion of his stock the day before he announced tariffs. He’s now crashing the stock market deliberately. He will then buy stock when it’s fallen through the floor. All this is is him stiffing everyone to get richer. That’s it.

Had a dream that Greg Davies asked me to run away with him. I declined as I thought I'd get neck ache from having to stare up at him all the time.

👇👇👇👇👇👇

I've been working on a spreadsheet for 8hrs. Think I'm in hell.

I fully believe that when The Beatles wrote Magical Mystery Tour, it was about the no41 bus from Manchester to Sale. You need a picnic, no urgent plans, and an hour and a half end to end.

Sat in the sun, drinking wine. I really want quiche for tea but we're a "no-one eats quiche but you" household

Well I'd like to thank JD Vance and Donald Trump for making perhaps the strongest case for rejoining the EU that I've seen in 9 years.

WHY IS IT SO FRICKING COLD IN THIS BLOODY COUNTRY?! *45 years in, still cross that February is just The Pits.

Have you ever had a steaming hot* bubble bath so restorative, you just don't want it to end? *Blisteringly so, I'm practicing for going back to hell.

Third week back at work after my nervous breakdown. Working is so painfully DULL isn't it?

What a wonderful woman she was. Even though she made me wear that hand-knitted two piece

In 90 mins, my mum will have been dead a whole year. I can't believe she fucked off and left me.

Another fuck me moment.

*SUCH* an old woman

Every time I think "maybe my stance on not going to the USA whilst the current administration is in power" might be a bit knee-jerk, this kind of thing sorts that right out. Fuck me.

Blocked a very old friend for attending a "repair the fabric of society" conference with Nigel Farage, Trump supporters and anti-abortionists who helped take down Roe v Wade. Sometimes your morals are more important.

Channelling Ted Lasso this week.

I'm not saying that I'm overly tired and stressed but could we please all be on the same page when it comes to the spelling of the word "drawer"? IT'S NOT A DRAW. You draw pictures. You pull things closER when you open a drawER.

Genuinely the most gutting aspect of this is that my mum would have fucking LOVED that last bit of gossip.

TIL that my uncle is terminally ill with the same thing as my terminally ill dad, but then my stepmum decided to one up them both & break the news that my dad knocked someone up before their wedding so I've got a half sibling. If you need me I'll be submitting this as a storyline for Hollyoaks.