haha, cooooollll

my friend enrolled in pottery and showed me the octopus he made. i thought he'd done like a cute cartoony octopus, but no, his was quite realistic because the dumbo octopus is a real life cartoon, look at this cute lil fellow:

when you fall in love with a chatbot that's called the ELIZA affect

If you follow my prescriptions my poetry will welcome you with open arms, as when a crab-louse with its kisses resects the root of a hair.

The most lenitive potion I prescribe for you is a basinful of lumpy blennorrhagic pus into which were previously dissolved a pilose ovarian cyst, a follicular chancre, an inflamed prepuce skinned back from the glans by a paraphimosis, and three red slugs.

it's hard to see these silly two-line hooks without recalling fondly piet hein's grooks

how do you format this kind of a joke. "why call it a backhanded compliment when parapraise was right there." that kind of a thing

precariously navigating the salad-slop continuum

@undiscerning.bsky.social ‼️

O!—would that i were more balléd of purse...

in a sense, virginia woolf was among the first streamers

depressed person trying to unburden their heart to me but i superciliously cut them off to tell them i don't see dolor

im the one who taught that stupid shrimp to fry its own damn rice after i heard the thing abt teaching a guy to fish. id been feeding it rice for like three weeks and i was fed up ok

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give a dog a Milk-Bone® www.milkbone.com

i'm the great i'm

found a weird bug where bluesky seemed to think that the phrase "read about where to use search filters" wasn't anywhere on bluesky, but this post fixes that. i think this should probably stop us from ever crashing again, yw

young zeno:

cooking you the perfect steak but ruining the dining experience by delivering it to the table and announcing it's "singed, sealed and delivered"

social mobility is a fatecrime. it's like they say, you leave the world the same way you come into it: either well-fed and happy, or starving and miserable

i don't know how to dap, but that's ok. my good friend explained how it's a back-formation of dapper and i'm not good-looking enough to do it

i think this is the most age-diverse show I've ever been to. almost completely even spread 20s-60s although i only saw like two ppl who weren't white lol (this is Vancouver)

sleaford mods tonight! (bobbing up and down in front of a laptop without much vehemence in order to convey legitimate enthusiasm)

wandering around at work asking my co-workers whether they want to join the work polycule. tabling a motion to start an occupationship

what a load of utter manshit

my television is fueled by the plasmother. all hail the plasmother

i challenge you to a duel: captcha verification speedrun

80 year old man casually slipping how much he loves grapefruit into everyday conversation to signal fitness to potential mates

i just had a grapefruit and then a cigarette. basically the greyhound of the lungs

The death drive (German: Toadestrieb) is an aspect of libidinal energy that seeks to lead organic frogs back into the inanimate state.

Contains: None i feel ya, 95% cacao lindt chocolate bar. i feel ya

i felt a great disturbance in the Shit

worm petrichorist

wait i am thirty or forty years old now and i think i was only ten or twenty years old when the phrase i am thirty or forty years old was first penned, so i bet the person who wrote that must be fifty or sixty years old by now.

that really crinkles my glabella

hey real quick question, would you consider yourself sexually enfranchised?

liking your posts with the same energy as a canadian saying thank you to the driver as they alight from a bus

*quoteposts u* hi my name's frank abagnale jr! i'll just be deadheading with you for a bit. eh? do i want to post something myself for a bit? *nervous chuckle* haha, no, no, i'm tired, i'll just let you handle it

Now that I think about it, not that different from what I'm doing now.

two cowardly crossbowmen duelling in a small abandoned town, each more concerned with not getting hit than with hitting the other, each desperately wishing they hadn't started the fight but seeing no way out now that it's begun at last they run out of ammo, and agree they no longer have any quarrel

uhhh it's not invisible it's one of the most recognizable forms of kapital

yesterday i saw a man who had hopped the fence surrounding this abandoned lot and, just off-camera, was hunched over carefully gathering wild flowers into a bouquet.

pigeon's in space!

chatting with a contractor at my work years ago, he had a great story about this (perhaps even true): team was pouring cement into indicated retaining wall. at some point they're like that's weird, it should be full by now?? it's been going like ten minutes?

im at a show waiting for cabaret voltaire to come on. i love shows like this cuz there's this kinda uncanny valley thing where literally everybody here looks like somebody i should be friends with but i don't know any of em

I've looked up whether painstakingly comes from pains takingly or pain stakingly like a dozen different times. i figure it's gotta be pains takingly, but the answer just never sticks with me. oh well, off to look it up again i guess

now spinning

limitation is the highest form of flattening

but it's ok, right after that fuck-up yeats pulls it back, because then comes the nice and horny part where sexy lion man thighs are moving all slow-like. probably all covered in sand. mmmm

the second coming is such a great poem, but also contains one of my least favourite lines ever. "the best lack all conviction"?!? bro, sure, some of the worst are indeed full of passionate intensity, fine, true, but anyone who lacks conviction is also the worst.