WAITER: You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me. So, what'll it be, sir? CUSTOMER: Can I hear the specials again?

Website: and your postcode? Me: my address is— Website: no no I’m keen to guess! Postcode? Me: *enters postcode* Website: is it no. 132? Me: no Website: is it no. 134? Me: it’s 1— Website: SHUT UP is it no. 136?

that anyone would listen to this predictable fathead, just because he's turned his coat after calculating the advantage.

Please share. 💔

Horsley (Derbyshire) Council By-Election Result: 🌍 GRN: 43.6% (+16.7) ➡️ RFM: 35.5% (+0.6) 🌳 CON: 13.9% (-9.0) 🌹 LAB: 3.8% (-6.5) ☑️ ADV: 1.9% (New) 🔶 LDM: 1.4% (-2.0) No Ind (-1.7) as previous. Green GAIN from Reform. Changes w/ 2025.

We have made the decision to formally close our X social media account. Once a vibrant platform to promote the interests of authors, we feel X is no longer a trusted place for balance, community support, and reliable information.

Brooklyn Park police chief Mark Bruley: "We're hearing people being stopped with no cause & being demanded to show paperwork to determine if they're here legally. We started hearing from our police officers the same complaints. Every one of these individuals is a person of color... it has to stop"

Well played, Channel 4.

The duck who lives here must be absolutely fucking massive.

Ruin a band by changing one letter: Polite

Ruin a band by changing one letter: Ian Dury & Blackheads

C W McCall was Kirsty’s dad, and he was from Salford. He wrote Dirty Old Town. #totp

I went to see Billy Stream once, and he was much smaller than Billy Ocean. He was a tributary act. #totp

Tina Charles was Ray’s mum. #totp

Genesis was named after the first book of the bible. Years after, because that was ages ago. #totp

Jackie Wilson was Harold’s dad. #totp

Paul Simon was Carly’s dad. #totp

Robbie Neville was Gary and Phil’s dad. #totp

This is coming from a place of love and support, but… It’s ‘shoo-in,’ not ‘shoe-in.’ It’s ‘case in point,’ not ‘case and point.’ It’s ‘moot point,’ not ‘mute point.’ It’s ‘hunger pangs,’ not ‘hunger pains.’ It’s ‘jibe with,' not 'jive with.'

I wouldn’t be surprised if they go for Maresca. Especially with the ex-Manchester City staff already at United.

#ASongOrMovieForAllInstruments Anarchy in the UKelele.

Lady’s Gone Dead, not dancing with me. #totp

Madonna there, in the same year that she knocked England out of the World Cup in Mexico. #totp

Is that Mr Benn on the keyboards? #totp

I used to work with a lad who styled himself on this version of George Michael. I’d forgotten all about him until just then #Totp

@herring1967.bsky.social Hi Richard. This has arrived today, so thank you. Do you happen to know when we can listen to the episode please?

There was an old lady who swallowed her sisters, I don't know why, She swallowed her sisters, Perhaps they're Russian.

I’m not a great political analyst, but I do feel Labour have made a tactical error by opting to be cunts.

Lol not much more family silver left to sell off. Then what? An honest conversation about how its unsustainable to have a tiny minority of the population hoarding cumulative trillions in wealth? Nah. More immigrant bashing that'll solve it.

I just signed the petition to demand the Government tax the super rich to rebuild our NHS, schools, and other public services. Will you sign too? you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/ta...

Lancashire’s Reform-run council plans to close care homes and day centres to sell off land

YOUNG PEOPLE. LISTEN UP. Today Nigel Farage said the government should cut the minimum wage for young people ...to “raise aspiration” and “boost business" It's £10ph FFS! Lower your pay so you’ll dream bigger DO YOU SEE IT NOW? Spread far & wide. bylinetimes.com/2025/11/03/n...

Bumped into the sister of my arch enemy yesterday. My nemesister.

A film you’ve seen more than seven times, with a GIF

Friday night. As ever, the world is filled with women who look like a million dollars and men who’ve made fuck all effort. Her: perfectly chosen outfit, hair immaculate. Him: hoodie.

You never know which existential crisis will be your last.

Bollocks at Tiffany’s.

Bollocks Without a Face.

My Fair Bollocks.

Chitty Chitty Bollocks Bang.

Rosemary’s Bollocks.

Leaving the ECHR will not allow you to deport all Asylum Seekers, you can't deport a person without the other country accepting them. But it will allow the State Pension, Minimum Wage, Paid Holiday, Max Working Hours, Maternity Leave and much more to be cancelled.

Very important info for eg women in violent relationships who maintain a secret phone. Please pass along.

Using one photo already on your phone, what is the announcement tomorrow at 2?

If you want to see what the horrendous @grok is up to now, feel free to have a look at this. Jesus H Christ. x.com/grok/status/...

Slightly diminish a band: Nine pole Tudor.

RIP Tom Lehrer. Taken far too soon at just 97.

For every like, shut your gob.

#TOTP Ooh, that woman just said that Fame is coming on next. If I’ve learnt anything, it’s that nobody on TV tells lies.