dr fart
@neversawitcoming.bsky.social
📤 245
📥 72
📝 55
participation trophy wife
complaining about gaining weight then hoofing half a carrot cake into myself as soon as i get home from work
about 1 hour ago
0
0
0
i’ll get as close as i can get without running right through you
2 days ago
0
0
0
i need to admit something. i’ve never watched normal people. i don’t think i have the strength to
2 days ago
0
0
0
ancestry tests will never appeal to me as a white irish person. why would i pay u money so u can tell me i’m white and irish
2 days ago
0
1
0
i’m going to MEXICO soon i’m going to MEXICOOOO i’m going to drink MARGARITAS in MEXICO
2 days ago
0
0
0
day off today i’m making a dirty greasy fry up at 1pm
2 days ago
0
0
0
everyone who works in a client facing role’s favourite time of year has just begun. keep em coming folks
4 days ago
0
1
0
subtle change, shorter days, dead eyed, dead weight
6 days ago
0
0
0
everyone except me die right now
11 days ago
0
0
0
i look like a teletubby i’m wearing so many layers
12 days ago
1
0
0
my sister was at a bar and her drink was £6.70 and the guy charging her goes to his coworker “six seven six seven” and doing the hand thing then he charged her £67 by accident
13 days ago
0
1
0
a customer i was dealing with in work showed me a document that said Milton Keynes on it and i assumed it was his name because im stupid and called him Milton throughout our entire interaction and he never corrected me
15 days ago
0
3
1
cheese and butter pasta tastes sooooo good when u don’t have a man in ur ear telling u to eat protein
16 days ago
0
1
0
belfast town becomes unbearable with christmas shoppers 0.2 seconds after halloween ends
18 days ago
0
2
0
mistake my kindness for weakness and find your card CANCELLED
19 days ago
0
1
0
i love that my sisters in her mid twenties now because she’s stopped making fun of me for being old lmao
19 days ago
0
0
0
my toxic trait is i will make someone move their bag on a busy bus or train and sit next to them even if other people have left the seat beside them free. i will not reward bad behaviour!!
20 days ago
0
1
0
reposted by
dr fart
JLP
21 days ago
My god… this sandwich… it’s made of pure lunch
9
472
61
udon in my pee jammers
21 days ago
0
2
0
i’m watching the liverpool game and farting loads in the pub. theres so many men around my boyfriend won’t know its me
22 days ago
0
1
0
i don’t use twitter anymore so i just found out dick cheney died there now
22 days ago
0
0
0
left chicken fillets in the fridge for a bit too long and suddenly jeffrey dahmers whole thing is making my head spin
27 days ago
0
0
0
he asks how much i’m drinking and i lie but doctors are always trying to tell you some torturous way to live your life, its not like they know everything ever. hey man, i went to college too!!!!
27 days ago
0
1
0
i bought new curlers today and unfortunately my hair has never looked better
27 days ago
0
1
0
threw up last night and woke my boyfriend up to tell him so. good to know u never grow out of the Mummy I Frew Up urge
28 days ago
0
0
0
reposted by
dr fart
Humor For Resistance
about 1 month ago
Smoking and drinking will take years off of your life, which is why I'm doing both right now.
9
145
12
you might be lord of half the world you’ll not own me as well
about 1 month ago
0
1
0
reposted by
dr fart
Kieran Hurley
about 1 month ago
One of the people killed by Soldier F was a man who stepped out to help another of his victims as he lay dying in the street. He waved a white handkerchief as he did so. Soldier F shot him in the head. His name was Barney McGuigan and today his family had to listen to a judge acquit his killer.
13
847
456
making dinner takes so long and then i hoof it into me in four and a half minutes and give myself a bellyache
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
i know i’m an adult now bc i actually put my plans and commitments in my calendar instead of relying on my feeble brain
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
got paid and went crazy style on vinted
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
anything that happens on the news saturday to sunday is none of my business. the news is for reading while i’m passing the time at work
about 1 month ago
0
1
0
i could never be a gambling man i lose ÂŁ5 on the government lottery app and ban myself from playing
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
crab and oysters and mussels i’m so full i’m gna die
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
hair of the dog is not fixing me rn i’m gonna CHUNDER
about 1 month ago
0
1
0
my life would be so easy if i had a tumble dryer i have to plan my life around my clothes taking 2-3 business days to dry
about 1 month ago
0
3
0
where is the drafts option on this app where am i supposed to put all those song lyrics i wanna type out like im gonna post except i don’t want to be annoying
about 1 month ago
0
3
0
“i gotta catch a glimpse of this warlock” instantly and permanently entered my personal lexicon the first time i heard it all those years ago
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
my job just killed casual fridays along with my last will to live
about 1 month ago
0
2
0
egg and sausage sandwich for dinner be so good when u aint got a bitch (ur boyfriend) in ur ear telling u it’s nasty
about 1 month ago
0
5
1
i quit twitter it is genuinely negatively affecting my mental health
about 2 months ago
1
6
0
i’d like to say you’ve changed but you’re always the same i’ve got a feeling that the marijuana’s rotting your brain
2 months ago
0
1
0
have had such a terrible week at work but my boyfriend came to my house a day early and then swerved for a pigeon on our way to get groceries
5 months ago
0
2
0
i am terminally employed i need to become a waster again
12 months ago
1
5
0
where Are the hoes at 🤨‼️
about 1 year ago
1
15
0
i havent moved off the sofa all day i am eating airfryer onion rings and playing skyrim ‼️‼️
about 1 year ago
1
6
0
beautigul
about 1 year ago
0
5
0
i have a tattoo itch i really need to scratch. and a botox itch and a winning the lottery itch
about 1 year ago
0
4
0
what slurs can i say if i have asthma
about 2 years ago
1
2
0
reposted by
dr fart
wint
about 2 years ago
Just got convicted of FRAUD. 100 years in Alcatraz. At least BLUE SKY gets me...!!
43
3117
300
Load more
feeds!
log in