The kids say hi.

Hey if you’re gonna try this, you should know that I reduced the amount of chocolate syrup by 1/3 and the color was perfect! It also has come right out of every piece of cloth I’ve tried with just cold water and detergent, even if I let it fully dry first!

My open tabs are just so incredibly on-brand for me.

Dr. Jane Goodall filmed an interview with Netflix in March 2025 that she understood would only be released after her death.

Fiancée crying because our cat is going to die someday (he’s only 4 and in perfect health).

Any of my friends going to the Haunted Objects show in Cleveland next week?

Friend/Director keeps telling me I’d make a good Carrie, which I think just means I’m fat and have a face that looks like it’s been bullied.

Physical miniature finishing-

Hey with Halloween coming, if any of you are wanting an edible fake blood that is also machine washable(!), I highly recommend this recipe apparently used by the San Francisco Opera. www.instructables.com/Blood-effect...

If I had any skills whatsoever I would design and 3D print a Pez dispenser that looks like my own head, and it would dispense Tums.

What’s your most monkey’s paw wish you’ve ever made that came true? I wished we could put the world on pause for a like a year or two so I could hide in my house while starting my transition. I don’t think I need to tell you when I made THAT wish.

I CAST SEND-TALES-OF-YOUR-PARANORMAL-EXPERIENCES-TO-HALEYPANKHEARST@GMAIL-SO-I-CAN-PUT-THEM-IN-A-ZINE!!!!!

Gave myself the middle mame “Jane” because of this lady. I always hoped I’d get a chance to meet her.

Just occurred to me that I’ve never actually seen a nun.

Just found out that, starting today, I have to verify my age to use the internet.

Just once, I’d like to start the week WITHOUT a massive headache.

Got a pair of fancy goldfish. Their names are Betty and Barney, but like the Hills, NOT the Rubbles.

I miss my fiancée. (she’s next to me, asleep, and I’m bored)

GREAT MOVIE IDEA: Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but with superheroes.

Kinda interesting when you think about the fact that their defense is “Not everybody who disagrees with you is a Nazi,” but they never really say “Nazis are bad and we condemn their ideology wholeheartedly.”

There’s a cat that hangs out around our building’s parking lot. It wears a flea collar and appears well-fed but has no identifying tags. This morning the cat let me pet it. Given that cats should NOT be kept outdoors, am I within my rights to keep the cat as an indoor pet if I manage to catch it?

Went over to my sister’s house yesterday to feed her cat and heard said sister’s voice yell “Hello?” from upstairs. My sister’s 500 miles away. And that’s how I found out that she often hears something in there mimicking people.

Just found out that 480 Otis died. “Devastated” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Shit, I forgot to leave milk and cookies out for Jesus last night.

First day back at work from vacation, so of course, I have a cold. And my coworker who always calls off has yet to grace us with her presence.

Share your mood for the weekend

Show me a picture in your phone that has your energy. Not a selfie.

Dam been writing a book about this and she just TikToked it in 90 seconds.

It’s fundamental to the character of Indiana Jones that he *hates Nazis* and the idea that a clip of him hating Nazis is somehow offensive to MAGA Charlie Kirk fans is both hilarious and very telling… www.pcgamesn.com/indiana-jone...

Bluesky needs a consent to send pics in DMs. The people I trust should be able to send me images.

Got engaged this morning; had to visit an old friend and tell him about it.

‘Booty’ and ‘butt’ are synonyms. ‘Call’ and ‘dial’ are synonyms. But, a ‘booty call’ and a ‘butt dial’ are VERY different things.

Migraine so bad I got home and burst into tears.

Things I wish existed: a Big Mouth Billy Bass, but it’s a Fiji mermaid.

Was there a conspiracy theory prior to 2007 that the President of the United States has a “book of secrets,” or was it invented for National Treasure 2? Because I’ve always had a hard time finding a precedent for the idea.

Asked my gf if we could have the blinds open in our room so I could see if Bigfoot comes to say hi, and she yelled at me that that’s scary, I’m insane, and Bigfoot better not be coming to say hi.

At a friend’s birthday party out in the boonies. Is it socially acceptable to go outside and do some tree knocking in an attempt to see Bigfoot, or will that be considered antisocial?

enshittification | noun | when a digital platform is made worse for users, in order to increase profits

A little while ago, my parents' cat Bridget went missing. As the weeks dragged on, they became extremely worried. My dad devised a way to distract himself: he began to paint Bridget's adventures, imagining her travelling through time and popping up in some of art and music's most iconic scenes.

Your last saved meme is your moral philosophy:

This was a close second to the time a different friend stopped D&D to show us her new nipple piercings.

I just want to feel pretty again.

Rumors abound that we’re finally getting a reboot of The Muppet Show. And I have thoughts on how to do it successfully. 🧵

Dumbest thing I’ve ever drawn.

Forget California’s Teeth Gruesome - we already have this guy More of this, please #Walz

I wasn’t sure how I felt about this concept at first, but by the end of the video, I was all in. I’m so excited for this campaign!

This broke me. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo...

Me omw to flirt with you.