Folks, @thejamham.bsky.social joins us on this week’s new episode that has everything: -Beavers building a $900k dam 🦫 -100,000 eggs that were stolen 🥚 -Rats chewing through NYC trash cans 🐀 -And more! apple.co/2yPmdte / spoti.fi/2qSy1Gp / other pod places

Working on a thing about Penny Hardaway. What do you remember about him?

Posting a good vid on TikTok right feels like debuting a new song as the Titanic sunk.

Best nicknames in the NBAs Eastern Conference

Them: “College basketball is better.” College basketball:

*reads a 2024 recap that’s clearly a joke* Me: Sucks that this person won’t be authentic or earnest. *reads a 2024 recap that’s real and vulnerable* Me: Ok I did not want to know all that

Big year in Hollywood for robes (Denzel in Gladiator and the whole cast of Conclave)

Finally saw Civil War [2024], just as Alex Garland intended it: on a plane, with tinny headphones, responding to every plot point by saying aloud, “Well that can’t be good”

Most popular/viral things on the internet aren’t original or even particularly well done. They’re just posted confidently. And that’s a lesson I have to learn over and over.

A pigeon gets decapited in NOSFERATU and no one in the theater seemed to enjoy that I yelled, “OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF”

As someone who’s the same age as LeBron, I consider it extremely emotional important that he’s still able to compete at such a high level.

I handle being late like an airline. First, I’m “Behind schedule,” then “Delayed,” then I’m so far behind I’ll “let you know as soon as there’s an update.”

Starting a tech company is all about finding a tiny sliver of people’s lives that are their own and monetizing it. “Our new app allows you to share a toothbrush with other people in your area. Why pay full price for a brush when you only use it a few minutes a day?“

Sometimes it feels like, because I don’t have enough time to do everything, I end up doing nothing.

I feel this same way when someone engages with my stand up album as art. It’s silly because they’re just jokes, but it’s so gratifying to have someone move past, “That’s funny” and into analyzing themes, through lines, set construction and performance.

Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my bombing on numerous social media platforms

My favorite part of being a writer are the random times when words suddenly cease to make sense and I can’t construct a simple sentence

White liberals buy things because wirecutter told them to. White conservatives buy things because a man with leathery skin on YouTube told them to

"wirecutter said it was the best one" - white liberal christmas proverb

I’m gonna tell you right now: if I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus, that dude is DONE FOR.

Merry Christmas from these four, equally great basketball legends

I saw Cynthia Erivo at JFK. Not long after, I saw a man drinking a little cup of ketchup. Amazing how life has a way of balancing out the good and the bad.

Recent reads. Let me know if you’ve read any of them

This app feels like it’s dominating by the most toothless, 2016-esque takedowns of conservatives. Yes, things are bad but I don’t think the problem was too much hate online for your crocheted quips or all caps QTs. Let’s think about our relationships to social media and sharing info for even a min

Not since the invention of therapy has someone so effectively figured out how to monetize “What if families talked to each other?”

Lamb Jams 2024: My Favorite Songs of the Year

Feeling bad about getting older is microdosing the fear of death.

The UnitedHealthcare CEO isn’t the victim here, he’s a role model for other CEOs. They should amend all those articles about “Habits of an Effective CEO” to say, Wake up before 4 am. Shot de*d before 7.

Had my first call with my health insurance since the United CEO thing. There was def a new found confidence there. “Oh your boss doesn’t want to pay for that treatment? Interesting. Interesting.”

James Harden is the Robert Moses of basketball. He’s foundational to the creation of the modern game but the way he did it is off putting to so many people and he can’t wrap his hand around that. Like Moses said, “Why aren’t they grateful?”

She thinks she’s hiding

Well it happened. I sent my mom an episode of the Bill Simmons podcast

Dean Wade is Mennonite Chandler Parsons

2001 v. 2024

Every piece of art in a museum is only there because a rich dude went, “Fine. Let the poor people look at this painting I own. Just put my name on the wall so they know what a good guy I am.”

Stay at an art museum long enough and you’ll hit that wall of exhaustion when everything crosses from “Amazing” and “Beautiful” into “What the fuck even is any of this?”

As we all know: 40 is the new 30. 45 is the new 22. 50 is the new barely legal. And 60 is the new kid who pulls his pants all the way down at a urinal.

Won’t be long before we hear a tech company say, “You brush your teeth twice a day but lemme ask: what’s your dumb toothbrush doing the rest of the day? Nothing? You’re leaving money on the table. With our new app, you can rent out…”

Literally the furthest down the boarding list I’ve ever been. Group 9. It’s me, a crate of chickens, the ghost of a weeping woman, and a 1920s style Hobo eating a sandwich with a boot in it.

We went through so much together. You will be missed

Ok. I like this app now

Follow @thejamham.bsky.social because he’s a great human and fantastic comic and we need more people like him in our lives. open.spotify.com/album/4I3dy1...

Everyone’s doin it, makes you look cooler

Updated terms of service are never in your favor. A company is never like, You know we’ve been way too up in your business recently.

I guess we’re doing this again