A weapon to surpass Green Giant.

When airlines prepare meals using facilities on the ground, it is considered efficient and logistically commendatory. When I do the same, it is considered unhygienic. Harrumph.

Reaching adulthood is the process of discovering, to one's chagrin, that a 330-millilitre canned beverage is no longer enough to quench a substantiative thirst.

I cannot over emphasise how important this action is. Most MPs don't know this is going on, and by the time the guidance is laid it will be too late. Make sure you email your MP now – and encourage others to do the same.

Marathon day! The Buxton is clearly in bloom.

Please do not handle your ducks in this manner.

The park now features a designated goth bed.

Fajitas and Philadelphia Cheesesteaks have been assimilated into the same cuisine.

For optimal authenticity, some restaurants still serve Spam fresh in its shell.

Finally, a real-life Mercedes.

One cocktail per mile makes for a unique but challenging hike, presumably.

Bespoke customisation is one deterrent against bicycle thieves.

Are pigeons allowed ice cream?

Nowadays, one can barely walk through town without crossing paths with a new idol group.

A new Girl Dinner:

"You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to Ham School."

Fabric softener exists to allow clothes to have flavours.

Given the scale of the WWE's latest layoffs, the Don Callis Family will need its own HR department to handle applicants.

The crypto island scam coin and the dancing triangle are reportedly dating.

Whereas work commitments dictate when I take my evening walks, my luck is such that they currently coincide with sunset.

"Is Santa an elf?" No, Santa is neither elven, nor dwarven, nor of the race of Men. He is a wraith. A fallen king of Númenor now clad in shadow, a servant in the thraldom of the Gift Lord.

Been mumbling "fentamania runnin wild brother" all day

The only good arising from Wrestlemania was Kevin Nash clarifying his position on the Scottish Question.

Unsold Easter stock is finally reaching its expiration date.

Sandwich Time merits the War Face.

We have reached the "furred snow" stage of springtime.

One of my housemates is storing a chilled glass of potatoes in the refrigerator. The pick-me-up of the old country.

A vulpine friend.

Excited for 'I support war, the number one killer of troops' to drop to number two

Sega of Japan: These are the Columns 3 chickens. Sega of America: Too immature. We need a mascot for serious gamers.

Bereft! Undone! I forgot to buy biscuits (by the domestic construal of the term) at Tesco! Two whole days now await me without ready access to my precious refined sugars. (My leftover jam, being strictly a breakfast item, does not count.)

The "smooth" juice differs from its "juicy bits" counterpart solely by the volume of sediment per bottle.

The writing is on the wall for this particular trend.

"So long, dental plan!"

Denny's is the only restaurant that upholds the constitutional right to eat hash browns with ice cream.

When traveling be sure to properly secure and strap your pickles

Shoplifting: the original off-the-shelf solution.

Ignore communion wafers—collard greens are the only true case of transubstantiation. Through a miracle of ham, mere vegetables somehow become meat.

The BBC are catching up with millennial trends: they now trail our viewing preferences by only two decades!

At this time of year, sunsets can also occur in the East.

Novelty label printers are becoming a public menace.

Another museum opening day! A little flamboyance is always welcome on a weekend.

"The under-50s have stopped paying any license fees! We need to appeal to them without upsetting the higher-ups." "How about a shake-up of the logo?"

By my count, hot pot and BBQ only sum to two. They are still in deficit of one restaurant.

A dog tag?

The story... is true.

Thank you Joshua. Thank you Microsoft Teams.

Paper is actually stronger than card. In the former case, your papers are considered permanent records, whereas in the latter, the card is always subject to change.

It is simultaneously true that I have zero notifications and that I am forbidden from learning this. Thursday really is the new Friday.