The Joker has no need for selectable gears.

"Football-patterned cellophane? The lettuces look rotten now." "Yes, but we are selling them to England fans—the market segment that ranks first in impulsivity and last in sound judgment."

My main objection to fine dining is this: due to the means by which wealth is accumulated, those who can afford such a luxury generally do not deserve it.

Until the 1910s, all cars required a supervisor's seat to ensure gentlemanly grasping of the tiller.

Within conservative circles, the Addams Family remain highly controversial. Not because of their indifference towards human suffering—for this is considered virtuous—but instead because Gomez actually loves his wife.

"Can the Xbox consoles be laid off too? Is that a thing?", reads a whiteboard note in a Microsoft boardroom, circled several times with arrows pointing theretoward.

just remembered small stuart saturday, one of the lowest points in my life

It is now fashionable to boast that one's services are not as real as one's customers. (Even Victorian quacks avoided being so bold.)

I put my slice of pizza face down in defense mode

A Waymo vehicle was being tested in my local area this evening. Initial driving behaviour seemed impressive by the fleet's standards: the car in question parked on a double-yellow line for less than three minutes.

The Transformers franchise began when someone whimsically asked whether a truck could kill a gun.

In Toy Story 5, Buzz becomes the main antagonist by declaring himself a zoinist. He is eventually cured when the other toys switch him to Spanish mode permanently.

Having originally sought the business name "Trash Cab", market research forced the business to anglicise the pun.

Whoever insists on hiring taxis is thereby denied a particular delight: having an entire bus deck to oneself.

Please do not swallow a street.

"Is the lettering finished on Paul Matthew's lorry?" "Yes." "Did you check the spelling this time?" "Definitely."

How exactly can charcoal be eclectic? Does a blend of exotic hardwoods offer a significant return on investment?

The quotation marks around "available all day" provide crucial leeway for the buffet proprietors.

It has happened. Fish suppers have passed the twenty-pound bulwark.

Choose your fighter.

As we all know, including fries as a topping is the sine qua non of American pizza.

Hurry, fewer than six months and nineteen days remain.

Here at last.

Someone imported a Soviet van from Latin America, only to be greeted on arrival by a parking ticket.

Could you finish an entire fish and chips kebab burger?

When taking calls, their receptionist is instructed to pronounce "PNS" slowly and cautiously.

Botanically, pepper is a fruit. Dr Pepper is therefore a juice.

Abbreviating "stomach" to "stomch".

Halo 3 Fries will now be playable in Sonic CrossWorlds. Halo 3 Coke was excluded due to the separate Pepsiman DLC.

Some unscrupulous individual has sucked a supposedly fresh Sonic dry.

....is a corndog a sandwich?

Whoever threw that apple core could have taken several more bites from each end.

Pokemon - Season 1 Episode 76 - All Fired Up! Frame 98/2300 Timestamp: 00:02:01.579

When you get to Heaven they lay out all the pairs of shoes you wore in your life and you get to look at them and go “Oh yeah I kind of remember wearing those ones”

My landlord: Someone will arrive today to install new doors. Door installer: Hello, here are your new doors. Goodbye.

"French toast" is but the beginning. Many lands, in fact, have a national toast: garlic bread in Italy, rarebit in Wales, Texas toast in the barbecue states, et cetera. Melba toast remains curiously unclaimed.

Taco Bell has doubled all prices in its Dollar Cravings menu. "It's simple—we have a craving for dollars", a spokesperson explained.

A DaThings classic, updated for this particular day:

Work and sleep remain the bitterest of adversaries.

Idea for a pest control gimmick:

[volume warning] wanted to make sure one of my favorite posts is on here

It is a truth universally acknowledged that lunch crisps differ from dinner crisps.

Thrifting par excellence.

Had the sausage industry never claimed it, "Corndog" would have been a perfect pet name.

Tutting every time I buy an individual onion at Tesco, in case anyone mistakes me for approving of microtransactions.