Ivy
@1gayturtle.bsky.social
📤 41
📥 21
📝 58
Work from home backflip instructor
I bring an atrocious and unsettling vibe to the function
9 days ago
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Saluting towards mecca to support 9/11
11 days ago
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I licked the boots at the thrift store and speedran every STD
11 days ago
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Nicotine-themed funeral
13 days ago
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mistook my gun for my inhaler and won a Disney Fast Pass™ to Valhalla
15 days ago
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I'm at the kava bar showing women numbers you've never even heard of
16 days ago
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Changing colors on mountain hue
17 days ago
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Nancy Reagan was the terminator for throat sucking
about 1 month ago
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I'm going to the renfair as Joe Rogan
about 1 month ago
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Sicilian Hypno Compilation
about 1 month ago
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I'm the Katie Ledecky of eating box
about 2 months ago
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Going to The Castle to mansplain the moon to goth women
about 2 months ago
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Ivy
the horses mouth
3 months ago
“Abolish (x)” is such a sanitized avoidance of what really needs to happen, which sounds a lot more like “violently revolt against (x).” The use of “abolish” almost makes it sound like if we get rid of this one thing, it would solve the issue. “Abolish ICE!!” Hey, I got a better idea:
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Gangnam Style while I'm riding that thang đź’Ż
3 months ago
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Doing the worm in my girlfriend's bed bc I'm dirty as fuck
about 1 year ago
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I can't stop going to panera and shoving the pagers up my ass. Im having an asiago bagel-themed prostate orgasm every Saturday and I couldn't feel any more alive
about 1 year ago
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Ivy
Paul F. Tompkins
about 1 year ago
The people who didn’t vote withheld their support not because they thought it was going to make something happen; people couldn’t stomach casting a vote for someone they knew wasn’t going to make anything happen but more death.
add a skeleton here at some point
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Doing my little cnc dance in the kitchen
about 1 year ago
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Ivy
⚜️TxWhoDatChic⚜️
over 1 year ago
I did not ask for that man to be on my TV in the middle of the football game.
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Ivy
Adventures in Aardia
over 1 year ago
I’m can’t wait to dead name the Gulf of Mexico.
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Ivy
Gillian Branstetter
over 1 year ago
ACT UP, 1990
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Ivy
🇵🇹 snipe, lixo tĂłxico â‘â’â’â’â’
over 1 year ago
Since everything is terrible, enjoy my rotten cat making bed biscuits when she was wee
loading . . .
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Putting a homophobic slur in my resume
over 1 year ago
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Writing a wikihow article on how to teach your dog to cripwalk. Thoughts?
over 1 year ago
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Complaining to my manager that the workplace isn't muppet-accessible enough
over 1 year ago
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My roommate keeps crowdkilling my dog so I had to terminate her lease
over 1 year ago
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*talking to my friends* You, a recovering bottom,
over 1 year ago
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Doing a kidnapping scene with this parapalegic twink I met at The Front Bottoms concert and taking the legs off of him like its a futon in my storage unit so he can fit in my car
over 1 year ago
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Porn acting through my own suicide attempt
over 1 year ago
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I'm in the club dancing like a Hotel Transylvania character
over 1 year ago
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Becoming a mechanical engineer to make plane engines bigger and more powerful so they can kill more birds
over 1 year ago
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They should've started playing Break Stuff after Trump got shot
almost 2 years ago
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Dishonorably discharged from the 2nd grade
almost 2 years ago
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Retirement via firing squad
almost 2 years ago
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Sucking on her discharge like Kurt Cobain
almost 2 years ago
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My wife keeps doing fortnite dances whenever I start talk about my abuse
almost 2 years ago
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Asexuals be like: im living breedlessly
almost 2 years ago
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Breeding my pug to make it more fucked up and have more breathing problems
almost 2 years ago
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Ivy
nancy
almost 2 years ago
unfortunately pride month has gone woke and begun pandering to the lgbtq community
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Are fire ants spicy food to ant eaters
almost 2 years ago
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Backshots so raw they undid my circumcision
almost 2 years ago
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The worm mob is trying to silence me for the things I know about Big Apple
almost 2 years ago
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Posting a video of my suicide to the tf2 steam workshop
almost 2 years ago
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Sneaking a chip from my wife's plate while she's busy crying
almost 2 years ago
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Practicing my Garry's Mod face in the mirror
almost 2 years ago
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Whenever my wife gets too close to me I start breathing like a pug
almost 2 years ago
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Posting my suicide note on truth social
about 2 years ago
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Writing my suicide note on the jeremy renner app
about 2 years ago
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Taking a tolerance break from sobriety
about 2 years ago
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Getting groomed on Microsoft Teams
about 2 years ago
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