The New York Times may think this is “transparency,” but it comes across as embarrassing self-promotion and emphasizes mainstream media‘s addiction to access.

🤮🤮🤮

In related news, President Trump makes a weekly trip to Jeff Bezos’s DC office to threaten him with deportation if he ever lets @washingtonpost.com print the words “Epstein” and “Trump” in the same headline.

Nearly a month after President Trump blew off his Epstein Files Transparency Act deadline, @washingtonpost.com editors have agreed to pretend it was optional.

A regime that elevates literal Holocaust deniers gets an assist from fellow p***philes at @washingtonpost.com

Y'all should keep banging this Clinton drum, to help them feel better.

In related news, the c***d s*x abuser in the White House has turned @nytimes.com into a co-conspirator.

NORMAL PEOPLE: Would you rather help Americans put this Epstein mess behind them, or experience World War III with nukes? NEW YORK TIMES EDITORS: We'll take the nukes.

In related news, billionaire p***philia coverups are making a comeback, thanks to the eagerness of @nytimes.com editors to look the other way.

"Accountability is for libs and poors only." –chickensh*t @washingtonpost.com editors and their ICE agent friends

It's not like @nytimes.com and @washingtonpost.com are gonna call him on it. 🤷‍♂️

"And if that's what it takes to keep Trump happy, while we help him prolong his Epstein coverup indefinitely, so be it." –chickensh*t @nytimes.com editors

In other news, @washingtonpost.com appears set to inflict three years of turmoil on Americans, because the alternative is helping them nip Trump's flailing Epstein coverup in the bud.

Are @nytimes.com editors comfortable with declining to hold Trump to the Clinton standard, and giving 77% of Americans the finger?

Meanwhile, @washingtonpost.com editors respond defiantly to the 89% of Americans who want to Trump to release the Epstein files by telling them to go f*** themselves.

REMINDER: The Jeff Bezos @washingtonpost.com recently honored the legacy of Claudette Colvin by firing @karenattiah.bsky.social over a denunciation of racism and political violence.

In related news, President Trump lashes out at "liberal" journalists so they will avoid sensitive subjects like his increasingly desperate (and increasingly lawless) c***d s*x crimes coverup.

In other news, the sitting president charged with releasing the Epstein files by December 19 cries "CLINTON" over and over again so his friends at @washingtonpost.com will know which birdie to follow.

In other news, @nytimes.com and @washingtonpost.com are unlike real newspapers, in that they only apply standards to the party out of power.

In related news, zero @washingtonpost.com editors are leaving their jobs, because they like taking orders from billionaire p***philes.

In related news, Donald Trump bases his belief that standards don't apply to him on the fact that "liberal" newspapers like @nytimes.com only apply them to Democrats.

NARRATOR: The most unthinkable thing of all was, in fact, the application of Democrat standards to a Republican.

The New York Times, meanwhile, is a daily logic puzzle where editors arrange and rearrange words until Donald Trump is absolved of responsibility for his own actions.

In other news, while proponents of Epstein transparency say they want Trump to keep his campaign promise and follow the law, @washingtonpost.com editors lobby for raises by playing dumb.

As President Trump smears a U.S. citizen killed by ICE as a "professional agitator," the FBI is falling "in line" and investigating her personal "connections" (instead of her killer). So naturally the @nytimes.com headline frames the story around her "possible ties," and omits Trump's name. 🤷‍♂️

In other news, a Florida man accused of helping p***philes traffic teenagers out of his home makes it about Bill Clinton, with help from Jeff Bezos and @washingtonpost.com

In related news, @nytimes.com editors did not resign when A.G. Sulzberger pushed them to avoid holding Trump to their Clinton standard, because they know what "objectivity" means now.

In other news, a widely-known fact about @washingtonpost.com editors is that they work for Donald Trump now.

When he ignores the will of the people in service of a flailing c***d s*x crimes coverup, it's time to keep your mouth shut, amiright @washingtonpost.com?

In related news, Donald Trump saying he will not comply with his Epstein transparency deadline is a nothingburger, while Bill Clinton following Jim Jordan's lead and blowing off a congressional subpoena is a five-alarm fire.

In other news, Trump's race to bury the evidence of his crimes against c******n is his least favorite news story of all time, so @nytimes.com editors are limiting their Epstein coverage to occasional Clinton headlines.

A year ago, the Trump administration was giddy about being "the most transparent in history," and keeping Trump's campaign promise to release the Epstein files. Now, with the help of chickensh*t @nytimes.com editors, it is telling Americans to go f*** themselves.

In other news, an increasingly common theme of the "liberal" media's Epstein coverage is accountability for Democrats only.

In other news, the flailing c***d s*x crimes coverup that has united Americans across the political spectrum in disgust is a sensation among "liberal" @nytimes.com editors who are desperate to curry favor with press-hating fascists.

In related news, the president's personal police force will detain law-abiding Americans with increasing frequency, as @washingtonpost.com editors agree to play dumb about his flouting of the Epstein Files Transparency Act.

In other news, @washingtonpost.com editors have drawn criticism for the blatant double standard in their coverage of presidents associated with Jeffrey Epstein, but it's not like they're trying to turn a profit anymore.

Meanwhile, in a bid to tamp down on near-unanimous bipartisan outrage over President Trump's Epstein coverup, Jeff Bezos and @washingtonpost.com are pushing for the application of standards to Democrats only.

ANOTHER UNIQUE TWIST: The way "liberal" @nytimes.com editors apply standards to Democrats only.

In other news, current president Donald Trump has declined to release the Epstein files he was legally obligated to provide by December 19, but @washingtonpost.com editors have been ordered to play dumb about that.

"Blue" rules headlines you won't see from @nytimes.com and @washingtonpost.com: FACING BIPARTISAN CONDEMNATION, TRUMP REFUSES TO COMPLY WITH EPSTEIN DEADLINE TRUMP FAILS TO RELEASE EPSTEIN FILES, DESPITE CAMPAIGN PROMISE OF TRANSPARENCY

In other news, 79-year-old Donald Trump is the only living president who gets to cover up evidence of c***d s*x crimes with impunity.

In other news, those hoping @nytimes.com editors will summon some courage and hold Donald Trump to the Bill Clinton standard are liberally biased nobodies.

Paging @anniekarni.bsky.social! Please explain to us liberally biased regular folks why the sitting president gets to blow off his Epstein transparency deadline for a month, without a single @nytimes.com headline linking his name with Epstein's, while a Democratic *former* president is fair game.

FANTASY HEADLINE: Facing Pressure from Everyone in America, Trump Refuses to Obey Law and Release Epstein Files

The Epstein story returns to the @nytimes.com home page, thanks to a president who is a Democrat, and therefore has agency.

In related news, @nytimes.com refuses to publish any Epstein stories that mention the sitting Republican president who was Epstein's best friend, because standards are for libs and poors only.

In related news, @nytimes.com doesn't sound like the liberal rag it's purported to be, because its mission is protecting fascist p***philes from the consequences of their own actions.

In other news, @nytimes.com ended 2025 with a resolution to protect Donald Trump’s delicate p***phile fee-fees.

In other news, @washingtonpost.com remains committed to helping Jeff Bezos’s billionaire bestie hide the Epstein files from normal people.