Current injury stage: is it getting any better or do I need to go to the doctor? *puts some weight on it. Cries. Nope totally getting better no need for medical bills.

The reflecting pool algae must be a metaphor for something else in DC that just won’t die.

"I am Antifa"

We don’t recognize our dystopian environment because all fictional renditions had superior technology.

After yesterday it has become clear that UFC stages are just as safe if not safer than basketball arenas and ballrooms.

Chaotic Acceptance

War is over until tomorrow.

Some of you never had to go to midnight showings and it shows.

this actually happened to me too. I just got another shot on the other side of my body and now I just jump straight up like a cowboy accidentally squatting on a cactus every four seconds. it’s done wonders for my career

Paying for past sins with credit.

Sorry. I ate all the stress.

As dope once sang: “die motherfucker, die motherfucker, die.”

My mood board is not happy.

It’s disheartening when world events determine the majority of your life decisions.

Everyone but Trump facing questions about the Epstein files. Neat.

Due to the lack of an attack attempt tonight, it has now been determined that basketball arenas are safer than ballrooms.

kinda interesting how they just kept counting points until the spurs won

Here’s to hope 🍺

Spencer Pratt must’ve had too much tiger eye crystal on him. He’s gonna need all the black tourmaline crystal to block the haters.

Marriage is a life long gift! The gift: Wife: No need to make my coffee this AM since I’m making it differently today Me: Ok Wife: In case you were wondering here’s how I’m making it Me: So should I make it? Wife: No it’s fine, you don’t have to Narrator: It wasn’t fine, and he made the coffee.

Healthy? Yeah I eat protein packed m&m’s.

What if the Monday boo’s give him a finishing move chest grabber?

Starving myself for health reasons and not because life is expensive.

Music is our time machine.

America is rapidly deteriorating. Can reporters grow spines and start insulting Trump back? Get kicked out! Who gives a fuck at this point?

Repeating thoughts are a reminder that my brain is unoriginal.

The Caleb Williams glaze will need to be studied. The dude has one slightly above average year and gets the Madden cover? 🤡

I can already see that June is gonna be a doozy of chaos.

Us Knights used to slay dragons for our maidens. Nowadays we slay the laundry.

There’s no sand in this sandwich.

Imagine grifting off of looking like the world’s biggest pedophile.

I don’t think he realizes how cool he would be if he just died.

Ultimate Looksmaxxing Tip: Go play in highway traffic. Your new look will give you maximum attention.

If you do it correctly, leg day is the day that keeps on giving.

It’s crazy how often that a joke gets quoted with little admiration(because it sucks & is lazy) & then someone else quotes it & it does numbers due to bias.

It’s a lack of motivation Bob.

Rock Floating Depression 26’

Google bad, libraries good.

Schleepy Schmoops

Fact: Ballrooms are the best defense against guns.

Holiday weekends have a 100% chance of being amazing if the right person finds his 6ft hole.

Mandalorian and Grogu movie was just a long episode. Good stuff though!

If a billionaire says it then it must be true.

Even my work computer is against me.

Woke up and I’m still not in shape.

Imagine if George Washington posted like Trump.

I FaceTimed my wife from the garage freezer to see what she wanted for dinner. What have I become?

Technology is killing us.