Good morning Leg’ends, It is another terribly hot, sunny day, because Britain appears to have been placed beneath the grill and forgotten about by a landlord who insists the thermostat is behaving exactly as designed. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Good morning Leg’ends, Today’s weather has arrived with a clipboard, a grudge and the emotional intelligence of a self-service till in a heatwave. Britain is not getting one forecast. It is getting four separate arguments with the sky. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

"I will fight for Clacton and stand on my record of what I have achieved for the town! Things like... er... and, ah... hmmm... what about, er... that umm... well... I'm pretty sure I visited once"

A wee little ditty from Willy & Bill at Satirical Planet News. Put Clacton on the map. Put a lid on the circus. Vote Count Binface. @countbinface.bsky.social satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/vote-binfa...

Well Leg’ends, Nigel Farage denies wrongdoing. He says he has not broken the law, has not misused public money, and now wants Clacton to decide whether the paperwork is being terribly unfair to him. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/nigel-fara...

Good afternoon Leg’ends, It is Thursday. I had to double-check that, which is always a strong sign that the week has started chewing through the furniture. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Good morning Leg’ends, Today’s weather has arrived with a lid. Britain is being put in a saucepan while the sky explains that the lid is technically cloud. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Good morning Leg’ends, It is scorchingly hot again. The kind of heat that makes the pavement look guilty and turns the inside of a house into a slow cooker with curtains. Britain is no longer having weather. Britain is being grilled under supervision. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Good morning Leg’ends, Today’s weather is not a forecast. It is a national heat and cloud allocation scheme run by a tired spreadsheet, a suspiciously cheerful sun icon and one civil servant in the sky shouting, “Dry everywhere, but make it weird.” satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Remembering that summer of ‘76 I’ve picked up this to read today. Man with a Seagull on his Head.

Good morning Leg’ends, It is hot. Again. The sky has put on its nuclear cardigan and is wandering around Britain pretending this is a season rather than a warning label. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Good morning Leg’ends, Today’s weather is not a forecast. It is a public-sector restructuring exercise conducted by clouds with a broken printer, no minutes and one laminated form marked Regional Mood Allocation, July, Island Edition. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

#SpotThescammer @andriyhresko80.bsky.social fake Ukrainian soldier spamming random posts with: "Staying strong, staying together 💪🇺🇦 With love from Ukraine! Thanks for your unwavering support, we the soldiers appreciate. Please kindly follow back" #NAFOArticle5

Good morning Leg’ends, We actually won. The goals went in, the nation made the noise, & somewhere in the middle of the night my sleeping brain decided it was not enough merely to watch England. No. Apparently I was part of it. I was in the dream. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Good morning again Leg’ends, We have looked at today’s weather, and I regret to inform you that Britain has once again been divided by a damp committee with a heat lamp. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Stepping off the world we knew: A new life in the Hebrides, part 3 Securing a new home in Skigersta, sight unseen, is part of the ongoing adventure | Judith Challender

Good morning Leg’ends, It is Sunday, the day of our Lord, & it seems the papers have not taken that into account. You would think, just once, they might look at the calendar, notice the holy day, and say: perhaps today we shall let the nation breathe. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Good morning again Leg’ends, We have looked at today’s weather, and I regret to inform you that Britain has once again been arranged by a committee that started with a map, lost interest around Carlisle, and then spilled soup over Scotland. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

For more than a decade, the United Kingdoms political stability has been navigating what this report assesses as a multivector assault conducted by state and non state actors aligned with the strategic interests of the Russian Federation. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/the-moscow...

Cottrell is a British aristocracy-adjacent operator with a 2016 US federal conviction for wire fraud. He was arrested at Chicago O’Hare while travelling with Nigel Farage after an FBI/IRS sting in which he, using the alias “Banker” on the dark web. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/the-unlimi...

Good morning Leg’ends, It is Saturday. Glorious Saturday. The nation’s official day for pretending we are going to relax while the news stands outside the window breathing heavily on the glass. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Well Leg’ends, Today’s weather has arrived with the confidence of a public service that technically exists. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Good morning Leg’ends, Apologies, we are running a bit late this morning. We had friends round last night, which was lovely, and then my body took that information and filed it under “absolutely not getting up on time”. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Morning Leg’ends, Today, Friday 3 July 2026, Britain and Ireland get one of those forecasts that looks simple from the doorway, then turns into a regional policy document the moment you step inside. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Good morning Leg’ends, I hope you are well on this Thursday morning, which is basically Friday standing in the doorway with its coat on. It is cloudy and sunny where we are, because the sky has apparently chosen coalition government. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Morning Leg’ends, Britain gets a north-west versus south-east split, because even the sky has apparently discovered regional inequality and decided to express it through cloud. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Well Leg’ends WTF? The Canary says Lloyds has debanked it. Do not worry. There will be a process. There is always a process. Britain could be sliding into the sea while a laminated folder in a back office confirms the correct procedure for wet ankles. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/the-canary...

Good morning Leg’ends, I hope you are well on this Wednesday morning. We have had a look at the papers, gone back over the pile, muttered at the headlines, checked a few extra facts where the framing started making our teeth itch. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Morning Leg’ends, Today, Wednesday 1 July 2026, the UK gets four different versions of summer, none of them confident enough to look you in the eye. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Well Leg’ends, According to the Guardian, Nigel Farage has received £270,000 from Direct Bullion, a gold marketer for which he is a brand ambassador. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/nigel-fara...

Good morning Leg’ends, It is Tuesday. I have checked the pile, gone back to it, muttered at the mastheads like they might answer, and briefly considered whether the newspapers had all been sent the same starter pack by a tired intern with a laminator. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Well Leg’ends, Today’s weather has looked at the recent heat, looked at the British public trying to sleep inside houses built like apology cupboards, and decided not to cook us quite so aggressively. Generous, really. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Damn cool is right. 😎

Well Leg’ends, Javier Milei has written an opinion piece arguing that Argentina should become the world’s friendliest legal home for artificial intelligence. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/argentina-...

Good morning Leg’ends, It is Monday, the best day of the week if you are not working. Although, to be fair, if you are not working, the day loses some of its power. Monday, Thursday, Sunday, the mysterious one in the middle where bins happen. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Well Leg’ends, There is a very specific kind of comedy that only British weather can produce. Not the rain bit. Not the cloud bit. Not the man in cargo shorts declaring it “muggy” under a sky the colour of a council envelope. That is the warm-up act. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Well Leg’ends, There is a very specific kind of comedy that only local government can produce. It is not the shouting bit. It is not the flags bit. It is not the speech about common sense. That is the warm-up act. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/reform-won...

A bird in the bush, a snail on the trail… from the way we walked.

Very good question from my GB News colleague. He may be surprised to know that Andy Burnham has spent more time in Makerfield since 18 June than I've spent in Clacton since July 2024.

Lovely pictures as always.

Good morning Leg’ends, Hopefully you managed to survive without us while we took a little break. Thankfully, the weather has cooled down enough for sleep to become legal again, or at least it has where we are. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Good morning Leg’ends, It is Sunday, and Britain has decided to attempt freshness. Not full freshness, obviously. Let us not go mad. This is not Norway with manners. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

#SpotTheScammer #SpotThebot @chapa85.bsky.social I reported this account as a bot 30/3/26; it was following 69,344 accounts then & had made 21 posts. It's now following 142,557 accounts & has made 35 original posts. @support.bsky.team take this down! bsky.app/profile/mist...

Good morning Leg’ends, It is Friday, and I have decided to take the day off from reality. So this morning, I have built us somewhere else. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

Good morning Leg’ends, Day six has arrived in two pieces. Different hazards. Same instruction. Pay attention. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

Dolphin dreams.

Good morning Leg’ends, It is another suspiciously bright day, the sort of heat that makes pavements shimmer, curtains surrender & every public building reveal exactly how much of its ventilation strategy was based on hoping Britain stayed damp forever. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...