The archive does not read like hundreds of separate articles. Not really. It reads like one long diagnosis taken from different angles. A paper here. A Reform stunt there. A speech dressed as common sense. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

The first thing the papers try to wedge into my head this morning is the Falklands, which is impressive, because I only came into the kitchen for tea, nicotine and a gentle stare at the garden. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

There are many ways for an alliance to show strain. Diplomatic silence. Cancelled meetings. Frosty communiqués. One of those summit photographs where everyone looks as if the canapés have declared independence and the Latvian delegation has noticed first. substack.com/@satiricalpl...

#SpotThescammer @bigbrick.bsky.social impersonating Ron Filipkowski & reposting posts from his verified @ronfilipkowski.bsky.social account in an attempt to make this one look real.

"The poor and the middle class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the very rich pay lawyers - and the ultra-rich pay politicians." George Monbiot

The Times, the Guardian, the Independent, the Telegraph and the FT are all still splashing around in the Mandelson swamp. At this point, we should probably stop calling him Lord Mandelson and start calling him Springfield’s longest-running recurring villain. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

Because today is one of those British spring days that arrives dressed as summer, speaks in calm official language, and then quietly hides a cold coastal breeze in the terms and conditions like a budget airline charging extra for having knees. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

Happy St George's Day!

#SpotTheScammer @mahtialice.bsky.social "Smiths" doesn't understand how Western names work. Using a pic of OnlyFans dominatrix "Alexandra Wildfire", stolen from her Twitter account. x.com/ms_wildfire_ x.com/Miss_Wildfire onlyfans.com/ms_wildfire (verified account)

Tucker Carlson says he is tormented by his support for Donald Trump and sorry for misleading people. substack.com/@satiricalpl...

When you said you were bringing Peter Mandelson back, the reaction was not excitement but the hollow groan of Springfield residents realising Sideshow Bob is running for mayor again. Not again, they mutter, clutching their popcorn and waiting for the next rake. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

The main event across half the papers is still Peter Mandelson, Keir Starmer, and the weird little slurry tank of judgement currently bubbling away in Downing Street. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

Today’s official setup across Britain is high pressure, dry conditions, and long spells of sunshine, with warmer air inland and in the west, cooler conditions on the eastern side, and Wales once again behaving like it has found a backdoor into July. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

Who they want us to blame. Which bits they want us to fear. Which little treats they have taped round the edges so the whole thing feels less like institutional rot and more like a normal breakfast. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

Met so many hopeful people today in Hackney on a walkabout with their next Mayor, @zoegarbett.bsky.social. People repeatedly telling us how excited they are to vote Green! And just finished an international press conference telling the world about our plans to end Rip Off Britain.

The front pages are another breakfast buffet of blame-shifting, war wobble, royal balm, rich men making their confusion our problem, and the usual little side-helpings of consumer fluff to stop you noticing the main course is constitutional mince. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

Because this is one of those classic spring days where the forecast sounds like a man in a fleece saying everything is under control while your actual face is being gently slapped by an easterly breeze outside a Tesco Express. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

Public records, company filings and reported claims relating to one Reform councillor now face growing scrutiny | Willy and Bill

A brilliant celebration of English culture in Trafalgar Square today ahead of St George’s Day. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 The heart of the capital was filled with music, dance and food as people from all backgrounds came together to celebrate.

Even we knew last September. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

#SpotTheScammer @robertperry80.bsky.social exclusively following women. Using pics of a German man called Dirk H Oelrich, who is happily married, stolen from his long-established Facebook account. www.facebook.com/dirk.oelrich

open.substack.com/pub/satirica...?

It’s the usual ragtag of regurgitated vomit. So let’s see what kind of malware they’re trying to install in our brains this morning. Right. In we go. - satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap... - #UKPolitics #Media #Economy #PoliticalAutopsy #Brexit #TodaysPapers #DonaldTrump

Tonight at 7pm. Join our live webinar for a powerful conversation on justice and equality. We’re bringing together four incredible women – including survivors of the Epstein and Harrods cases – to explore power, resilience and building a safer future www.tickettailor.com/events/bylin...

Hey, look at Substack promoting Andrew Tate as the #1 new bestseller. The company's amoral leadership & backers will platform anyone, even ludicrously toxic rapists & human traffickers.

If the #JCB Family of Multi-Millionaires are so hard up to pay proper Inheritance Taxes, why are they able to donate SO MUCH MONEY to #Reform Party? Oh ... so they have expectations of #Reform helping out the Multi-Millionaires? Right. Noted. "Party of the People", eh?🤮🤮

Mail is running a poll on whether the UK should rejoin the EU. Takes seconds to vote and it's going hilariously well... www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...

Well Leg'ends, Numbers all over the place this morning. Proper numbers. Big ones. Serious ones. But presentation, that’s the art, isn’t it. - satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap... - #TodaysPapers #Media #UKPolitics #PressAnalysis #MediaNarratives #Satire

Well Leg’ends, By the middle of April 2026, Britain has entered a condition that feels less like an ordinary economic crisis than a managed psychological one. - satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/the-great-... - #NorthSeaOil #EnergyBills #Ofgem #NetZeroDebate #EnergySecurity #Renewables #EnergyReform

On paper, the temperatures look respectable enough. Nothing too severe. Nothing apocalyptic. Nothing you could point at and say, yes, this is weather with ambition. - satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-... - #BritishWeather #UKWeather #Satire #WeatherReport, #CloudyAF

Good morning Legends, Let’s have a look at what they’re trying to install into our brains today. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

Good morning Leg’ends, Britain is having one of those days where the weather forecast sounds less like meteorology and more like a breakdown read aloud by a polite man in front of a map. open.substack.com/pub/satirica...

Princes Risborough Primary School celebrates highest possible national accolade for outstanding outdoor play westenglandbylines.co.uk/news/educati...

Just as there were people who resisted the introduction of inside toilets, seatbelts, women’s votes, lead free toys etc Tice & his party are similarly reluctant to embrace what most people can clearly see is needed. Unimaginative, regressive, fact averse idiots. Let’s never let them run our country.

As I said in a previous post , there should be consequences for spreading disinformation. open.substack.com/pub/monkdebu...

Let’s have a look at what the papers are trying to install into your head this morning, because they have all turned up with the same basic emotional starter pack. - satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap... - #TodaysPapers #MediaCriticism #BritishPolitics #Trump #Russia #EnergyCrisis

The national reaction, naturally, is to spot one patch of blue and behave like the Costa del Sol has annexed Basingstoke. - satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-... - #UKWeather #BritishWeather #AprilShowers #BritishSatire #SatiricalPlanetNews

Good Morning Leg'ends, The paper’s actual political function at this point is not information. It is atmospheric pressure. It exists to make everything feel like decline with a human face attached. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap... #TodaysPapers #Trump #MiddleEast #MediaBias #UKPolitics