you need one of these 😆

“WE will…, We are the Ones.” Cults need their martyred saints.

When you go to someone else’s funeral and make it about yourself 🤦‍♂️ #ReleaseAllTheEpsteinFiles #TrumpEpsteinPedoCoverUp

So much Rapture So little time. I’ve been Raptured multiple times, what’s the big deal?

Quote this with your reaction to getting left behind during the rapture..

My checking myself today to see if I was raptured.

And here I was thinking my posts sucked more than usual.🙄🙄

😎🌵🪴 How to pronounce acetaminophen: ree-LEESE thuh EPP-steen FYLES

😎🌵🪴 the science of AM and PM

See, if this were a real Nancy Drew story, I probably would have read more of them admittedly.

I make death jokes for a living, FFS. I've written two, full-length novels of death jokes. But I'm afraid to make any joke that even alludes to recent deaths. And that's just the last couple of days. What am I, what are WE, not going to be able to joke about tomorrow? So much more I can't say...

Don’t be disappointed that the Rapture didn’t happen. It did. You didn’t make the cut.

They are making me root for Tylenol. I don’t want to root for Tylenol. But the Tylenol of my enemy is my friend.

Gold and stocks rarely rally at the same time. They're now doing it more than ever before. Everybody's a winner now, but how long can it last?

RFKjr has been known to question the germ theory of disease. And he's basically in charge of American health now. He's a lunatic crank promoting quackery. And now:

No Stairway to Heaven. Even the escalators dislike him after they were conned in 2015.

Kamala Harris: "We also need to remember those 107 days around some other stuff that he said -- mass deportations, that he would weaponize the DOJ against his political enemies, that he would silence critics. And he has done that consistently."

Still haven't raptured, this is some bullshit right here

Not at all creepy.

Jimmy Kimmel did a great job w the monologue. I really appreciated that he made clear that this is much bigger than him. He even mentioned the awful new Pentagon policy. Gift link to story about the policy: www.nytimes.com/2025/09/20/b...

@governor.ny.gov Truly Pertinent now... 👇

Twitter will be nice again if all the religious people get raptured.

If you’re wondering how batshit bananas he has to be to claim, without any evidence, that Tylenol causes autism, let’s not forget his other proclamations: “Windmills cause cancer” “Injecting bleach cures Covid” “UV light cures Covid” “Summer cures Covid” “Covid will get bored and go away”

was going to make a joke about the rapture but it just isn't happening.

“I’m really good at this stuff.”

Jesus holy ghosted them again #Rapture

De Niro: "I gotta go. A couple cases of Tylenol fell off a truck and now I gotta figure out how to put autism in them."

The president and the great patriots at HHS aren’t going to let little things like scientific uncertainty stand in their way! Read the latest Morning Shots now — for your health!

This is a very tough situation " New Mexico is short 30% for nurses, almost 19% for primary care doctors, 25% for OB-GYNs, 35% for psychiatrists and 73% for EMTs." www.stripes.com/branches/air...

Iran's Oil Minister Declares That Iran Will Keep Selling Oil To China Even If UN Sanctions Are Imposed, According To State Media 🛢️

Cecilia Payne-Gaposchkin ✨ figured out what stars are made of ✨ when she was just 25. 🔭🧪 Her PhD thesis basically established the Harvard astro department — at a time when Harvard didn't officially allow woman students. I wrote this little profile to mark the 100th anniversary of her thesis:

Absolutely.

Newsom: "I fear that we will not have an election in 2028 -- I really mean that in the core of my soul -- unless we wake up to the code red, what's happening in this country, and we wake up soberly to how serious this moment is."

Kenvue Inc. shares fell 7.5% Monday, losing about $2.6B in market value. Spun off from Johnson & Johnson in 2023, Kenvue owns Tylenol and other acetaminophen-based OTC products, maintaining strong support and market recognition for the Tylenol brand. www.pbs.org/newshour/pol....

BREAKING: The Epstein Files just got one step closer to being released. With Adelita Grijalva’s victory in AZ-07, Thomas Massie and Ro Khanna now have the magic number — 218 votes — needed for the discharge petition to force a vote on releasing the full Epstein Files.

dark humor is my favorite, my apologies to all sex-workers...

People are doing rapture jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

Kimmel: "The President of the United States made it very clear he wants to see me and the hundreds of people who work here fired from our jobs. Our leader celebrates Americans losing their livelihoods because he cannot take a joke."

Wed, Sept 24, 2025 No one Raptured. Go to work people, you don’t get to sleep in.

Klobuchar: "Pardoning the insurrectionists, what happened with the Eric Adams case when they dropped those charges, the decision not to pursue a reported bribe attempt on Border Czar Homan for $50,000 -- all these are in same milieu. But this thing? This thing is actually using the law as a weapon."

Why is one using axle grease as a moisturizer & the other guy sleeps with his face on a toaster?

Let's be clear: no one should be taking medical advice from the man who told Americans to inject bleach. To moms worried about the Tylenol they took while pregnant: you deserve better than being RFK Jr's scapegoat. And to the autism community: you are loved exactly as you are.