When December rolls around I think to myself... it's massively fucked up that we as a culture have normalized knowingly, purposefully, and continually lying to children about Santa Claus. What the fuck. What the fuck?! I don't know. I know I'm an outlier here but I find it utterly unjustifiable.

Yeah but can we agree that 99% of trans women would be positively feral to play an RPG called “You Are Five Blind Lesbian Adventurers”?

Homemade chocolate pudding pie, with homemade whipped cream. And also, me! Not pictured: my wife and kid, and my girlfriend and her kid, all gathered together around one table for the first time, eating pizza, playing games, and doing our various little bits. It was a really, really good day.

Society is a construct. You can just ask someone to do a ska cover of Faith of the Heart and they'll say "$300 please" and you give it to them and then you have it. Everyone, give @skatunenetwork.bsky.social your money. They deserve it.

Whoa, I JUST realized that the exact moment I came out as queer, the number of people I'd had sex with in my life just about doubled, because some shit that I previously would have dismissed as "not REALLY sex" suddenly retroactively counted. Like. It doesn't fukkin' matter, obvi, but it's neat!

"In place of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen! Not dark, but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me, and despair!" -me when a co-worker nominates me for a position as union steward.

My entire polycule has agreed that from now on, we're only going to eat flat bread cooked in a tandoor. That's right, we're engaging in some consensual naan-monogamy.

Just because game night got cancelled doesn’t mean I can’t demand compliments on the pretty dress I got today. (The glaive is there to ensure compliance.)

I was having lunch with a friend in Berlin when she said, "Every woman deserves a ho era." And I laughed and said "Honestly, a lifetime." And then she said, "An epoch." Anyhow, that kinda made me feel a way, so I went home and wrote a 200-word rpg about it. witcheslovingwitches.itch.io/ho-epoque

It’s the Trans Day of Remembrance. So we say a little prayer to St. Rat, because we know she’s listening, no matter how much they try to silence us. Is it silly to light a candle to a mosaic rat? Perhaps. And yet. We do what we must to keep fighting.

I read a lot of books, but I don’t often get the feeling of just falling IN LOVE with a book from page one. Of Monsters and Mainframes, by Barbara Truelove, is so utterly my shit. I am only halfway through but I know I am going to need to buy a copy next time I visit a bookstore.

My new favorite thing is sweeping out of the bedroom in pants and a T-shirt, exclaiming “Look how BUTCH I am today!” and receiving a withering stare from my partner who is just trying to have breakfast.

Someone grab a type C extinguisher, because I’m an electric/fire.

Standing at the bus stop, watching the “estimated time of arrival” for the next bus slowly climb UP as time passes. Real Kafka shit.

Oldest selfie on your phone. 2018; tellingly, there are virtually no selfies pre-transition that aren’t also pointing at someone else (e.g.: ratties!). …who the fuck IS this guy? Did he have any idea how much his life was going to improve?

I put a sticker of St Rat on the back of my helmet to protect me from concussions. But she’s also guiding my wheels: I passed the Jet City Roller Derby pilot program, and am qualified to start training in CONTACT skills next year!

“I really thought the leopards would stop eating my face so much after the first dozen or so times they ate my face!” For fuck’s sake.

Jinkies!

Well pardner, I din’t choose the cowgirl life, nor did the cowgirl life stric’ly speakin’ choose me. These’re jus’ the duds I happened ta throw on this mornin’. [WILD HONKY-TONK DANCE BREAK]

My most vital skill as a bisexual is politely explaining to lesbians when a man is handsome.

Occasionally, I have referred to myself as "Larabella." Just as a way to fancy up my name a little bit, put a little zhuzh on it. But sometimes when I do so, I think "hm. I wish I had actually changed my name to Larabella, and used 'Lara' as a short form." JUST realized I can fukkin' DO that.

By popular demand, the outfit I actually wore to the club. It was a nightmare circus clown rave. I got a balloon sword which I later lost in some misadventure. Clubbing is awesome.

For what it’s worth, this was the outfit that I DIDN’T take clubbing, so you can only imagine the one that did because [cartoon wolf noises].

Never ask a woman her age, a man his salary, or Lara how many copies of All Systems Red by Martha Wells she owns.

Workin' on potential Derby Names: Estradiol Valerie Velma Deadly Ms Terri Incorporated Lizzie Boardin’ Hella Bella Dommie Darko Lara Croft Tomb Skater Jenny Dysphoria Kathryn Painway Microsoft Power Bi Infinite Jess Ada Hatelace Larabella Dynamite Bash Crandicoot Victoria Deck'em Harriet DuBois

Photos taken almost six years apart. Are these the same person? Like, there's a resemblance but increasingly he looks like, I don't know, a secret brother or something. Anyway. Happy Coming Out Day. It's the best thing I ever did.

My favorite part was when Ares said “it’s morbin’ tron!” and morbed all over those programs.

Fredrik Backman? I LOVE his Turner Overdrive!

Welp, yesterday at work I got loudly misgendered by a child, was warned that my stalker will be returning soon, and sent an angry email to my boss that I haven't heard back on yet, so I gotta admit there is a certain allure to calling out sick today. I won't, because I have my pride. But oof.

Fucking love it when I look like an incompetent in front of the public because folks made a sweeping change to my workplace without informing me (or, for that matter, anyone).

My wife and my girlfriend are off dancing together and they both look very hot and I am stuck at home! What cosmic punishment is this?!?

Getting my hair done is always fun, always. But getting my hair done at a Queer As Hell place in Capitol Hill is a delight that I had not realized I was missing.

Once upon a midnight dreary, As I pondered, weak and weary, Congress has not authorized the use of military force.

Ah, watching the bus pull up to the stop while you are a long block away and doing the rapid-fire calculus: do I run? Am I close enough to make it, to at least get in visual range swinging my bus pass wildly? Or do I saunter, content to catch the next one? Blue line runs every ten minutes. Choose!

When you go to the doctor for antidepressants & you fill out the form & get to the "how often do you consider self-harm" question & you're like "I'm gonna cut this number way down so it's not an ORDEAL" & the doctor looks at it and says "I am very concerned about this number" & now it's an ORDEAL.

Celebrating bisexual visibility day in the manner of my people: sitting on a chair weird. Anyway, shoutout to cuties of all genders, genitals, and genres—I’d smooch every one of you if I could.

I am smiling beatifically down at the surface of the Earth as I'm being raptured up to heaven, but simultaneously giving them a "thumbs down" to make clear that I do not approve of all their sin.

[Rich lady voice] Oh you simply MUST imagine Sisyphus happy!

So when you get a colonoscopy, they grade you on the Boston Bowel Preparation Scale; lower score means less-clean colon, means increased odds a polyp got missed. Anyway I got a 9 outta 9, which means I get an A+ in colon. Normal to want, possible to achieve.

I make this look good. (Waiting for a colonoscopy, I am feral with hunger but otherwise fine.)

Y’all, colonoscopy prep is just the worst.

Some days you just gotta smash keyboards with a sledgehammer while playing very loud punk rock. You just gotta.

Slightly diminish a book A Tale of One Point Nine Cities

Femme Cassidy and the Daughterdance Kid.

Powerful moment when you send someone an instagram reel and realize that they sent you the exact same reel like an hour earlier.

11? That can’t be right. She’s my BABY, how can she be a tween?

Silksong is pretty fun right up until I lose 200 rosaries 'cause I got ganked by a bloatfly motherfucker hiding behind the foreground, at which point Silksong sucks and always sucked and I will never play it again. And then I play it again.

"Poop" and "shit" are synonyms, but a "pooper" and a "shitter" refer to fully different, albeit complementary, things. This has been my TEDx talk, thank you for your time.

Slightly diminish a book Aleph-null Jest

Freaking out a little over my shockingly low estrogen numbers until I realize I completely failed to get my lab work done mid-cycle, and in fact did it on the last day before I inject, which makes them as good as meaningless. So. Haha, whoops.