even with a warning of this being rightwing pop punk i don’t think i was anywhere near ready for how BAD this is

"I'm from Sol-3" "Is that the-" "Yeah it's the Stink Planet"

Aliens arriving on earth and ask us what our planets "deal" is. Are we an ice planet? A desert planet? We insist that earth has many diverse biomes. They take off their helmets and instantly learn our entire planet stinks like shit

At both Silent Hill and Iron Lung the people sitting next to me in the theater were vaping, and this is a sign to me that gamers have gotten too comfortable in society

Me if I attended Shiz: SAY IT NORMAL. SAY NORMAL WORDS.

Yo dude it smells like is-the-unit-of-power-or-radiant-flux-in-the-International-System-of-Units-(SI),-equal-to-1-joule-per-second-or-1-kg⋅m2⋅s−3 in here

Sorry I was late today, I stopped to help a bug

What did they do to Sour Patch Kids? They're so much more sour now

Bah humbug

"The Holodeck sure does malfunction a lot. What a nightmare. Captain Picard keeps it around because he's having sex with Sherlock Holmes right?"

the hat on shein vs the hat they deliver

The most powerful narrative device a game can deploy is "throw you back to the main menu but it's different"

Aw honey, you *are* a worm

If I were a brutal dictator and there was a prophecy that a child born this year would one day defeat me I would simply have every child put to death. This would assure my continued survival

What is Pauline Hanson even doing down here in our city? It's so important to march and show her rhetoric isn't welcome here!

Everytime someone complains about the realism in my settings I add another moon, and they're never made of anything good

White House aggressively posting “trump is straight” content amid the blow job e-mail

This week, we’re letting Del Toro drag us into a love letter to monsters, misery, and magnificent melodrama. We watched FRANKENSTEIN. Episode coming Friday. #Frankenstein #ScaredyBoys #DelToro #CreatureFeature

Two factor Authentication in ancient Egypt be like: weight your heart against this feather

I used to be so impressed by people who could fall asleep on command. Then I hit 30 and realised we all get that power eventually

(crying, sobbing, tears streaming down my face) y-y-yeah I love sourdough. i love it when bread cuts my mouth up

Rolling up the sleeves of my shirt as foreplay

I'm popping out for Maccas, anyone want something?

Croissant/croissoff

I saw momma fisting Santa Claus

The best time to make and eat pasta is between the hours of 12am - 2am. I call it 'Quiet Pasta' and it tastes different. Better.

I am once again hoisted by my own petard (thought me and my fellow stormtroopers could shoot more blaster bolts than the advancing Jedi could deflect)

I am going to be at PAX and if you don't come I will find and kill you

Sorry I didn't respond sooner I was watching a cat move to follow the sunlight streaming through a window

Pressing a button on the dashboard my card cleverly jettisons all four of its wheels to confuse and delay my pursuers

the fact that all of my friends are terrified of phone calls does not lineup with how specific and nuanced my crises tend to be

Whenever I see a lost animal poster while out and about I take a picture in case I bump into them and my photo app loves making cute collages of them because the algorithm is into dark humour

And the line up continues with @dailydael.bsky.social, @retroarchetype.bsky.social and Aussiesupergirl! Truly honored to have such a phenomenal group of folks join me for my first panel! (2/2)

Guy who has only ever read the Ancient Manuscripts: Hmm, this road sign appears to have some hidden message to it, written in the same manner as the Ancient Manuscripts

DnD is a ttrpg focused around combat: - PvP - PvE - DM vs Player - Fighter vs Mother - Brother vs Brother - Cat vs Dog - etc

There are few experiences as frustrating as trying to google why the internet isn't working

Got a genius idea and all it'll take is a pressure cooker and some coal. Will update you soon

This week, we’re watching elite warriors from different eras come face-to-face with the ultimate hunter, all delivered with some gorgeous animation. We watched PREDATOR: KILLER OF KILLERS. Episode coming Friday.

I gave them a piece of my heart, and told them they could put their bags down in the space that created

Ok google, what do I do when my spirit animal "goes feral"?

whenever I've been waiting at the lights and someone else arrives just as they turn green because of me I get so furious. this is my stolen valour

she's a real "and her face"

The world's your oyster, don't forget to tongue the pearl!

Me moments ago burning the dust out of my keyboard with a lighter while the computer is on: wait, is this a bad idea?

No matter how small you think you need to make yourself, you will not escape my notice or affection.

Getting one of those floor mats with buttons to teach my cat to speak but all the buttons say 'I'm a stinky little baby'

Wearing a string of garlic around your neck might keep vampires away but it also attracts Italians so it's kinda a 'pick your poison' situation

Only my true friends will know what's up (my spirits)