the hat on shein vs the hat they deliver

The most powerful narrative device a game can deploy is "throw you back to the main menu but it's different"

Aw honey, you *are* a worm

If I were a brutal dictator and there was a prophecy that a child born this year would one day defeat me I would simply have every child put to death. This would assure my continued survival

What is Pauline Hanson even doing down here in our city? It's so important to march and show her rhetoric isn't welcome here!

Everytime someone complains about the realism in my settings I add another moon, and they're never made of anything good

White House aggressively posting “trump is straight” content amid the blow job e-mail

This week, we’re letting Del Toro drag us into a love letter to monsters, misery, and magnificent melodrama. We watched FRANKENSTEIN. Episode coming Friday. #Frankenstein #ScaredyBoys #DelToro #CreatureFeature

Two factor Authentication in ancient Egypt be like: weight your heart against this feather

I used to be so impressed by people who could fall asleep on command. Then I hit 30 and realised we all get that power eventually

(crying, sobbing, tears streaming down my face) y-y-yeah I love sourdough. i love it when bread cuts my mouth up

Rolling up the sleeves of my shirt as foreplay

I'm popping out for Maccas, anyone want something?

Croissant/croissoff

I saw momma fisting Santa Claus

The best time to make and eat pasta is between the hours of 12am - 2am. I call it 'Quiet Pasta' and it tastes different. Better.

I am once again hoisted by my own petard (thought me and my fellow stormtroopers could shoot more blaster bolts than the advancing Jedi could deflect)

I am going to be at PAX and if you don't come I will find and kill you

Sorry I didn't respond sooner I was watching a cat move to follow the sunlight streaming through a window

Pressing a button on the dashboard my card cleverly jettisons all four of its wheels to confuse and delay my pursuers

the fact that all of my friends are terrified of phone calls does not lineup with how specific and nuanced my crises tend to be

Whenever I see a lost animal poster while out and about I take a picture in case I bump into them and my photo app loves making cute collages of them because the algorithm is into dark humour

And the line up continues with @dailydael.bsky.social, @retroarchetype.bsky.social and Aussiesupergirl! Truly honored to have such a phenomenal group of folks join me for my first panel! (2/2)

Guy who has only ever read the Ancient Manuscripts: Hmm, this road sign appears to have some hidden message to it, written in the same manner as the Ancient Manuscripts

DnD is a ttrpg focused around combat: - PvP - PvE - DM vs Player - Fighter vs Mother - Brother vs Brother - Cat vs Dog - etc

There are few experiences as frustrating as trying to google why the internet isn't working

Got a genius idea and all it'll take is a pressure cooker and some coal. Will update you soon

This week, we’re watching elite warriors from different eras come face-to-face with the ultimate hunter, all delivered with some gorgeous animation. We watched PREDATOR: KILLER OF KILLERS. Episode coming Friday.

I gave them a piece of my heart, and told them they could put their bags down in the space that created

Ok google, what do I do when my spirit animal "goes feral"?

whenever I've been waiting at the lights and someone else arrives just as they turn green because of me I get so furious. this is my stolen valour

she's a real "and her face"

The world's your oyster, don't forget to tongue the pearl!

Me moments ago burning the dust out of my keyboard with a lighter while the computer is on: wait, is this a bad idea?

No matter how small you think you need to make yourself, you will not escape my notice or affection.

Getting one of those floor mats with buttons to teach my cat to speak but all the buttons say 'I'm a stinky little baby'

Wearing a string of garlic around your neck might keep vampires away but it also attracts Italians so it's kinda a 'pick your poison' situation

Only my true friends will know what's up (my spirits)

Do you think they're mad at me My Liege?

I think men refuse to go to therapy because the difficulties of finding a therapist who understands them reminds men of the difficulties women face getting a doctor to believe them about anything

Me whenever I sign into a website:

my Melbourne Comedy Festival show is officially open! I’m spreading hats like a virus and I’ve eaten an entire jar of kalamata olives since being back in the country 🙏🏻

Me disheveled and gesturing to a diagram that "explains it all": but when you think about it 'herstory' makes WAY more sense than history because it's HER STORY. With history the 's' is shared by his and story. It's MESSY

I love to stay at other people’s houses and slide into my famous character “normal person who eats breakfast”

Saw a garbage truck collect a mix of landfill and recycling bins, when it drove past the guy was on his phone. Absolute fucking legend I hope I grow up to be him one-day

Me when two ballerinas are on stage: I wonder if they've got like a Black Swan rivalry going?

Heard from my uncle, who works at Nintendo and got me the Switch 2 early, that they're gonna take your favourite guy outta the next Smash Bros

Me at the slightest inconvenience: well now I'm GLAD the world is ending

Mini golf but all the obstacles are just cats or dogs who think we're playing