I don't mean to body shame, but is it an unrealistic expectation for your president to not be actively decomposing

Catchy tune

Hate when the priest tweets about my sins while I'm still confessing

"BuT WhAt AbOut..." sshhhhhhhut up. The wood chipper is nonpartisan

Living in the dystopian hellscape as foretold by mid-1900s sci-fi

Tis the season to put out Santa's butt plugs

This is worse than Watergate (because of all the pedophiles)

Are you fucking serious www.justice.gov/epstein/file...

There's a portal in my colon and every time an extradimensional Eldritch being takes a shit, it comes out MY butt. That's the only explanation

I think the Vanity Fair photographer would make me look nice. Because of my vibes or aura or whatever.

Void after one year. By signing and cashing this check, you agree to carry out all illegal orders.

Was anything written on the shotgun shells

The prez sounds like a carnival barker with a terminal case of Biden Derangement Syndrome. That address was a run-on hyperbolic sentence full of fake numbers chosen in real time. All accusations of Biden's or Democratic wrongdoings were literally things he has done or is currently doing. Wtf, MAGAs

Why did I just think of Pickleonna Stick @taksart.bsky.social

live a life that doesn’t make the entire internet think you’re going to Budd Dwyer yourself on live tv

Two stealth jets were in the situation room going bing bing but I couldn't see them until they opened their flaps and massive bombs came pouring out and I saw one of the bombs and the bomb looked at me

I like Fallout haha all that's probably going to happen for reals soon

"How much trouble can a hotel be?" Oh heckin' geez, you say that now, but just you wait

If there's a ghost next to me, I wouldn't want to know its hand's on my shoulder or that it'll always be there. *Always*? Ghost would just be like "great you have diarrhea again."

Did you really think IT was going to be your friend? That you'd hang out and have a couple brewskis?

I like how IT just decides to keep Bob Gray's voice

Important message: Whatever you do, do not believe what you are sitting on is actually a toilet Me, hallucinating: you said do do

Don't do it, man. Just get away to a remote hotel for a while

I don't think you should be able to declare wars on social media

I see why IT frequently takes this form. It's been very effective

Guys, c'mon, especially not for ethnic cleansing

This is just a PSA asking global militaries if they'd kindly stop weaponizing things

It's only 17 souls every 27 years, just work with it, that's hardly any souls. You can handle those numbers

Damn you can't even say the censored things from back then

"So is this the first time IT is *IT*? I'm too high and overthinking it."

Ewww, I could see its foramen magnum

*child talking about knights while dying* Me: what a simp

Thanks mommy ☺️

Between my last jobs in banking and my current one, retirees still haven't learned to read billing dates

The cultural impact of Rob Reiner cannot be understated. Legend isn't big enough a word. It goes to 11. You can't handle the truth. As you wish. I'll have what she's having. I'm your number one fan. You guys wanna see a dead body? The very idea of a bucket list. The West Wing. All from his movies.

It's ok, I don't need to understand all that #TheLastDriveIn

I work in the base of operations at a firm #TheLastDriveIn

True, every president *should* have a 2-month term (andthendie) #TheLastDriveIn

I wouldn't hang out with people who were constantly trying to sell me something #TheLastDriveIn

Oh he's stiff #TheLastDriveIn

Oh shit a snow globe #TheLastDriveIn

His butt has too much screen time #TheLastDriveIn

Joe Bob (pc and respectfully): homoerotic undertones Me (queerer): shit's gay #TheLastDriveIn

Are these the blowjob brothers I've heard about #TheLastDriveIn

Ok I hope he dies first #TheLastDriveIn

It's rustic. #TheLastDriveIn

Maybe America can change by learning how disappointed Joe Bob is this year. Do better. #TheLastDriveIn

He's like this because he fell on some rocks while being an incel #TheLastDriveIn

Husband and I called this guy a "fuckin idiot" at the same time #TheLastDriveIn