President Trump announces that he will attend a series of funerals around the country for those killed as a result of gun violence in order to highlight that he is better at dodging bullets than them.

🚨 *Breaking News* Robby Roadsteamer has been detained by ICE Portland after singing Rod Stewart with the Portland Frog! We need your help! Please support Robby's campaign and lawyer fees at robbyroadsteamer.com link on bio 💙🦒🦒🦒

Are you looking for an insane fascist to invite to your college campus to meet your “intellectual diversity” requirements? Why not invite a friendly fascist instead?

If you see this, post a bridge.

Did you know that if elected in 2028, Vermin Supreme will be the oldest President in history at the age of 103?

To everyone that didn't vote for Vermin Supreme, this is on you Fix it

Vermin Supreme wouldn’t use the FCC to silence critics. He would use the sound of ponies neighing to drown out any dissent.

Did you know: GPT stands for Great Pony Tail

Did you know, a DC grand jury won't indict you for throwing a sandwich unless it's a ham sandwich?

Here at the Free Pony Express, we are appalled at the breakdown of civility in this country that has lead to this disgusting and brazen display of wasting food. DC needs to take better care of their Subway.

Did you know that brushing your pony’s teeth increases their life span?

If Vermin Supreme were president, his VP would only go on vacation once, for four years.

1 like=1 free pony

New strategy for electoral success revealed: Tell everyone you're voting for Vermin Supreme.

youtu.be/iQcvlH3tjBc Where does Trump go when Vermin Supreme is President?

One reason why Vermin Supreme would make a better president: He’s not Doe 174.

Vermin Supreme vows to go back in time and kill baby MechaHitler.

President Vermin Supreme sends masked ponies through streets of LA in show of force.

Happy election New York City! If you think the ranked-choice voting system is flawed, you would be right! There are some vulnerabilities that are addressed by none other than @verminsupreme.bsky.social!

While Donald Trump is trying to disarm Iran of nukes by bombing them, Vermin Supreme would disarm America by bombing everyone, with nukes.

Orange man birthday parade overshadowed by Vermin Supreme birthday parade featuring a dozen naked elderly hippies and a single pony.

Be safe protesting, and remember: No kings but Vermin Supreme.

Today, brave Yorkshire pony Mags attempted the first amphibious assault on authoritarian dry land in protest of the tyrannical absence of universal pony rights. She was tragically interrupted mid-revolution by FIREMEN — government bootlickers in waterproof trousers.

🇧🇷 BREAKING: Vermin Supreme announces candidacy for Brazil’s 2026 presidency. “I’m the only candidate promising free ponies, mandatory toothbrushing, and zero coups.” Michelle Bolsonaro responded, “Pelo menos ele não é o Tarcísio.”

In keeping with its anti-DEI policies, Target is rebranding its iconic red target logo to be all white.

BREAKING: Bank of Japan still too scared to raise rates. Vermin Supreme offers solution: replace entire central bank with a team of free ponies powered by zombie economists. “Negative interest? Try negative dignity,” he neighed, while brushing a unicorn’s teeth with BOJ minutes. 🦷🧠 #BoJ #ZombieQE

速報：日本銀行、いまだに利上げにビビる。バーミン・スプリーム氏、「日銀の代わりにゾンビ経済学者と無料ポニーで構成されたチームを導入すべき」と提案。 「マイナス金利？それは“マイナス尊厳”だ」と語り、日銀の議事録でユニコーンの歯を磨きながらネイイィィンッ。🦷🧠 #バーミン2024 #日銀 #ゾンビ量的緩和 #ブートアップジャパン #今すぐポニーポリシー

As the first Pope from Chicago, Pope Leo XIV has officially banned ketchup on hotdogs for all Catholic faithful.

BREAKING: Vermin Supreme went back in time to rescue John Brown!

Despite becoming being elected by the conclave, Pope Leo XIV has trouble fitting @kenwhite.bsky.social on his head.

Vermin Supreme declare himself Pope after the conclave announces the election of Pope Leo XIV.

Signal For New Pope Delayed While Dead Raccoon Dislodged From Sistine Chapel Chimney

Furries are plotting to elect Vermin Supreme for President in 2028. No word yet on any official fursona from the Supreme CamPain, though many experts expect it to be pony adjacent.

BREAKING: Vermin Supreme was not elected pope after black smoke was seen rising from the Sistine Chapel.

Vermin Supreme runs every day with a heart full of ponies and love, so much so that Love is literally his middle name.

Did you know that Alcatraz is the perfect place to send people who don’t brush their teeth?

We received an unreadable message sent by the deranged President of the United State.

Children don’t need more than two dolls if they have unlimited free ponies.

FBI Claims Gavel, Black Gowns Prove Ties To MS-13 Gang theonion.com/fbi-cla...

Career Spider Not Sure She's Ready For 3,000 Children At This Point theonion.com/career-...

In a surprise early vote, the conclave elects Pierbattista Pizzaballa as the new Bishop of Rome. He will be taking the name Pope Pastafidelis.

The conclave is currently exploring potential scenarios to prevent a Vermin Supreme papacy.

While America might be at risk for a Great Depression, a Vermin Supreme presidency promises a Greater Depression.

Trump Announces Seal Team 6 Killed U.S. Protester In Daring Overnight Raid

Cardinal Dave W backs surprise candidate for pontiff!

"Just because Tarkin has what they want—obscene wealth, a devoted wife, beautiful kids, and a successful career constructing the galaxy’s first planet-obliterating super weapon—they want to hold him accountable."

SORRY. Sorry. Have we seen this *incredible* news video coming out of Queensland? Wait for the witness/witnesses statement